In the last chapter of “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People” the author, Stephen Covey, hits upon an incredible principle. It goes like this:

There is a gap or a space between stimulus and response. The key to both our growth and happiness is how we use that space.

We so often go through our lives on autopilot, not really aware of our own responses to what is going on around us. Then we wake up one day and find ourselves in an undesirable place perhaps not knowing how we got there.

The truth of the principle of stimulus and response means that we are not victims of our circumstances. We have the freedom to choose our responses. The problem is we often forfeit that freedom. Our “proactivity muscles”, which would pay attention through self-awareness to what is going on around us, are flabby and need to be exercised. If we are oblivious to how we respond to what happens to us, we have given up our ability to choose differently.

This is obviously a critical principle in the realm of sexual addiction and recovery. We have trained our minds over time and repetition to respond sexually to a whole range of things, both physical and emotional. The space between stimulus and response becomes razor thin. Rather than choosing a response based upon our values, we experience a Pavlovian response.

Start to pay attention and exercise your self-awareness. You will be amazed at how over time the gap between stimulus and response can grow. It brings new freedom to choose and apply your conscience to situations which previously acted upon you. You can choose differently!

I have recently been reading “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People” by Stephen Covey. In it he talks about living our lives from a principle center rather than any other. One of the principles he alludes to early in the book is that of habit.

We have all heard the maxim, “we are creatures of habit.” That is a true statement. What Covey points out that is very relevant to those of us struggling with sexual integrity issues is that habits can work for you or against you. If you are struggling with habitual sexual sin, then obviously this principle of human behavior is not working in your favor.

We can live out the scripts that we have developed over a lifetime, or we can take responsibility for them and choose to develop new, healthy habits.

If this is intriguing to you, get a copy of the book and get to work using the principle of habit to your advantage!

Last weekend I discovered we had a free-view of some premium movie channels from our satellite provider. One of the channels has a lot of adult content late at night (read soft-core porn). Needless to say, I was very displeased to discover these channels were active.

I emailed my satellite provider and asked that the channels be disabled. After a few days I received no response. When I confirmed the channels were still active, I called customer service to request they disable them. They informed me that because it was a “free-view” and the channels were not a part of my programming package they could not turn them off and I would have to block them myself.

Once again, I was incredibly disappointed. I sent another email to them voicing my disappointment and suggested they offer a way to opt out of these free-view promotions, particularly when adult content is being made available in my home without my permission.

So, what is the moral of the story? I can’t think of a good one. But, I want to warn our readers. Beware of the free-view. It is one thing when you proactively shut off access to porn in your home. It is another when a vendor pushes it into your television and refuses to turn it off. It would be an easy excuse to indulge your flesh and give your sobriety an unwanted setback.

For those of us who are married, you know that investing in the relationship with our mate is one of the most profitable activities we can do. MarriedLife, a ministry devoted to helping people experience the individual growth necessary for a healthy marriage, has kicked off a campaign called The Great Date Experiment. This is how they introduce it.

Most of us want to spend time with our spouse, but most of us don’t spend enough time with our spouse. When we do get time together, a lot of us experience the classic, “What do you want to do? I don’t know, what do you want to do?”

So, your task if you choose to accept it: go to the site, download a date and invest in your marriage!

I attended the Healing for the Soul retreat this past weekend. I have several takeaways to blog about, but wanted to start with this.

On the last morning of the retreat, we had a time where attendees had the opportunity to share their experiences. One man in particular touched my heart. He shared how he went to the gift shop at the retreat center and asked God to lead him to something. He found a small plaque with a poem entitled, “To My Son” or something like that. As the guy read the poem, he struggled many times through heaving tears to continue reading. One time, he reassured himself as he choked back tears, “Get it together!” I couldn’t help but think, “That is together!” When I had the chance to share, I was sure to tell that man he did have it together and it touched my heart.

I understand what he meant when he said, “Get it together!” He had a goal of sharing the poem with us and his deep emotion was hindering him. However, it was his display of emotion, much more than the words of the poem, that impacted those of us listening. I was blessed.

This experience highlighted to me how we stifle ourselves emotionally. The discovery of our brokenness during the process of recovery can be intense. It can at times render you a quivering mess of emotions. But keep this in mind: that is together! The brokenness we discover can really only be put back together when we allow ourselves to grieve it appropriately. Only then can we move on with integrity, knowing we have given our souls the needed ventilation. Getting it together may in truth look like falling apart!

This past Sunday Elevation Church hosted Ted and Gayle Haggard for an
interview on the topics of sin, forgiveness, and the essence of the
Gospel.

You can read some of Steve Furtick’s thoughts on the interview here…

I am really glad to see Mr. Haggard speak so openly about his struggle. It helps folks know that we all struggle…even a pastor and evangelical leader is not immune to sexual sin. If it can happen to him, it can happen to any of us.

Therefore God gave them over in the sinful desires of their hearts to sexual impurity for the degrading of their bodies with one another. They exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator—who is forever praised. Amen. (Romans 1:24-25)

In essence, when a person habitually uses pornography, they are worshiping a created image instead of God the creator. They are giving their affections, focus, time and intimacy, and to some extent, their bodies to a perverted image of God’s creation. They are worshiping other gods. For purpose’s of this devotion we cannot cover the process of stopping the use of pornography for the habitual user. But for the Christian who has been “dabbling” in this occult activity, run away. Draw strict borders for yourself. Your God is jealous, and will not share your heart, affections, or worship with any other god.

You shall have not other gods before me (Exodus 20:3)

This devotion was written by Shawn Panosian, a friend and Christian Therapist who specializes in Addiction and Sexual Abuse.

I got the last of the ScreamFree Marriage email mini-seminar today. It has a lot of really helpful little nuggets. You can see it in entirety here.

For who struggle and are married, you know that your marriage can be one of your biggest supports and biggest triggers to act out. Take the time to invest in yourself and your marriage!

This past weekend I finished reading “Eyes Wide Open” by Jud Wilhite. I had the pleasure of finishing it while drinking coffee and eating a blueberry muffin at a local coffee shop. After I was done, I passed the book on to the barista. Hopefully it will bless her as much as it did me!

Jud does a really great job of taking some well-known passages of scripture and breathing new life into them. He adds an insightful twist that gives them new meaning.

Each short chapter is an example of God’s grace from scripture accompanied by a poignant story of how it plays out in real life. That is what I appreciate most about the book. It deals with grace where real people live. Jud could have easily stopped with verses and his exposition of them. It is the stories showing God in action that makes it something special.

By the end of the book, you can’t help but be encouraged about who you are in Christ, how God sees you and the purpose you were put here to fulfill for God’s glory.

A friend on Facebook updated their profile with this statement today.

Righteousness is believing the promises of God, being fully persuaded He’ll keep his word.

I was really taken aback by it. I had to go to Romans 4 and clear up my understanding!

Against all hope, Abraham in hope believed and so became the father of
many nations, just as it had been said to him, “So shall your offspring
be.” Without weakening in his faith, he faced the fact that his body was as good as dead—since he was about a hundred years old—and that Sarah’s womb was also dead. Yet he did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had power to do what he had promised. This is why “it was credited to him as righteousness.” (Romans 4:18-22)

This really is an amazing thing. I’ll explain more later, but the remainder of this passage is even more amazing…

The words “it was credited to him” were written not for him alone, but also for us, to whom God will credit righteousness—for us who believe in him who raised Jesus our Lord from the dead. (Romans 4:23-24)

I’m sorry, did that just say that God will credit me with righteousness for my belief in Jesus Christ and his resurrection from the dead? Why yes, I believe it did!

If someone were to ask you, “What is the definition of righteousness?” How would you answer? Would it be something along the lines of, “Well, it is obeying God and doing what is ‘right’”? Perhaps you would more correctly say that righteousness is “being in a right standing with God.” That is still quite vague. How do you attain this right standing?

True to form, God’s word cuts to the heart of the issue. Righteousness is a result of our belief; our faith in Jesus Christ. Nothing more, nothing less.

It is living from this center that we can really see the change we so crave, including sexual purity. If our definition of righteousness is skewed, we can be certain that we will live out a works-centered religion that will not result in the changes we desire.

Here are a couple of other helpful verses that come to mind.

Colossians 2:20-23
Hebrews 6:1-3