Archive for February, 2009

Tonight I was reading through chapter seven of “Grace Walk” by Steve McVey. We are going through it in my church small group. While I was reading the chapter, I highlighted a couple of sections that are worth sharing and commenting on.

Christians who are not abiding in Him [Christ] are walking in a state of continuous sin, regardless of their actions.

Christians, myself included, have the tendency to gauge our spiritual success based upon our feelings and outward appearances. If we are not overtly engaging in sinful behavior then we feel good about our spiritual condition, regardless of whether we are trusting and abiding in Christ or not. However, this is short-sighted and does not describe sin as the New Testament characterizes it. The biblical definition of sin extends far beyond behavior and even thought patterns. It very simply is the condition of living with a broken relationship with God.

Jesus assures us in John 15:5 that, “apart from me you can do nothing.” Yet we strive to keep ourselves from sinning day after day, having no real fellowship with Jesus. This is a guaranteed recipe for failure. We have cut ourselves off from the only source of power to do anything as a Christian – Christ Himself. This is a state of sin no matter what we do.

So what does it look like to abide in Christ? Very simply put, it is to live by faith in Christ. Many references in the New Testament affirm that trusting in Jesus is the only way to live a righteous life. This isn’t just trusting Him for salvation in the sweet by and by. Much more, this is trusting Christ for the resources to overcome temptation and experience the abundance that Jesus said he came to deliver (John 10:10). It is maintaining our relationship with him, not merely doing things for him.

Validating McVey’s point in the quote above, Paul taught that “…everything that does not come from faith is sin.” (Rom. 14:23) If we are not approaching life’s decisions and temptations from a place of trust in Christ and our relationship with him, then we are walking in a state of continuous sin, regardless of our behavior.

I have made the additional mistake of viewing the Christian life as a car battery that must continuously be charged to keep my spiritual motor running. This is not to discount the importance of spiritual disciplines. However, as stated previously, if those disciplines are not an overflow or in maintenance of a trusting relationship with Christ, they are of little value.

McVey put it this way…

I’ll never think of getting my spiritual battery charged again. When we abide in Christ, it is like turning a switch into the “on” position and allowing the full power of Jesus Christ to flow through us. When we choose to rest in His life, we experience victory. When we choose not to abide, we flip the switch to the “off” position and we fail.

So what does any of this have to do with sexual purity? Well, I’m glad you asked!

God does not hide his face from us when we have slipped up. Having a few weeks or months of behavioral purity under our belts doesn’t mean that we are any more acceptable to God. We can turn to him at any time because of Jesus. That is what the cross is all about! We don’t do so because of our deep shame, but that is a topic for another post!

The bottom-line is this: if we have a long stretch of sexual purity behind us and yet we are not abiding in Christ, it is only a matter of time before our continuous state of sin (broken fellowship with God) expresses itself in specific sinful behavior. For those like me whose flesh has a bent toward sexual sin, that is the likely candidate.

By contrast, even if we have been recently sexually acting out, we can repent and turn to Christ. We can receive his grace afresh and allow his love that has never changed to begin changing us once more.

I also want to make this last point: I am not talking about losing our salvation. Rather, I am talking about those who have trusted Christ for salvation cutting themselves off from the process of sanctification by breaking fellowship. Fortunately for us, God has promised never to break fellowship with us because of Christ! We can return to him and pick that relationship back up at any time.

Remember, O LORD, your great mercy and love, for they are from of old.
Remember not the sins of my youth and my rebellious ways; according to
your love remember me, for you are good, O LORD.
Psalm 25:6-7

I have recently been painfully reminded of some of the sins of my youth. You see, my wife and I were not pure before marriage. Even years later, I am realizing that there are negative consequences in our relationship. Foundations that should have been laid and wrong expectations that should have been worked through during our dating and engagement are still shaky. We still have conflict around these issues. These problems are exacerbated by my own sexual escapades before becoming a Christian. They greatly skewed my perspective on sex and my mind is still in desperate need of renewal.

I came across this scripture passage today and received some of the comfort that my heart needs. God is merciful and loves us. In Christ, God the Father has forgotten the sins of our past. I need to be reminded of this from time-to-time so that I can walk in my new identity in Christ and not in shame from the sins of my youth.

The guys at xxxchurch.com recently acquired Pure Online and re-branded the program as X3Pure. They offer three different 30-day programs: for married men, single men, and single women. The programs cost $99 and include online streaming video sessions, a workbook and a license of SafeEyes.

It’s cool to see x3 venturing out into more and more avenues to help folks who are struggling with porn. They have been known for quite some time for their ministry to porn conventions.

And this blog post just wouldn’t be complete without including the marketing mugshot of Craig, the porn pastor himself! Is it just me, or does it look like his left arm is completely missing?

If the picture scares you, just read the green words. They are true…it is a waste of time to try to beat porn addiction on your own!

If there are any alums of the program, we’d love to hear from you.

In the video below, Chip Ingram shares three fundamental lies and the contrasting biblical truth about love and sex. He references a study guide which can be found here.

One of the most interesting parts of the video are the interviews at the very beginning. Many (most?) young people today have a very low view of sex. Rather than something sacred, too often these days sex is merely a pleasurable experience. God designed it to be so much more…

Here are the three lies as Chip lists them. It is important to note that these statements are made regarding sex outside of a healthy marriage.

Lie 1: Sex is necessary to keep a growing relationship.
Truth: Once sex enters into a relationship, it almost always disintegrates instead of getting better.

Lie 2: If we really love each other, sex is sanctified.
Truth: Sex is sanctified only inside the union of biblical marriage.

Lie 3: Having sex is a rite of passage.
Truth: With every sexual encounter you diminish the possibility and capacity to experience true intimacy.

I was just shown a very good article about sexual addiction in the March 2008 edition of Christianity Today entitled, “Help for the Sexually Desperate“. The author does a very good job of describing the issue.

Here are some of the sub-sections from the article with my abstraction:

Beyond Lust
Answers the question, “What exactly is sexual addiction?”

Disease or Sin?
How should Christians look at the issue? Is it sin that must be repented of or a disease that must be treated?

Internet Accelerates Addiction
Classical definitions of sexual addiction involved backgrounds of abuse. The internet changes all that.

Confession Works
Getting the details of compulsive sexual behavior out in the open is critical for healing.

Stigma Lingers
The church needs to wake up to this problem sitting in the pews.

Integrity Daily
Frequent accountability and confession regarding lust is an essential component of healing.

Opportunity Awaits
The largest audiences for online pornography are teenagers and young adults. For this reason, some believe that the problem of sexual addiction will continue to mushroom.

I strongly recommend reading the article in its entirety.

Before the explosion of the internet there were natural barriers to acquiring pornography. Book stores had a special sections on the top shelf of the magazine rack where magazines wrapped in plastic were displayed. The really hard stuff could only be purchased from adult book stores or through mail order. By contrast, the internet allows anyone of any age to access hardcore pornography with just a mouse-click. In the view of many, this is basically like taking those top-shelf porn magazines and putting them unwrapped on the bottom shelf of the children’s section.

The question of regulating pornography is not an easy one. In the United States, there are Constitutional rights to free speech and freedom of expression. Most agree that these protections extend to adult material. It is a slippery slope to begin suppressing First Amendment rights, regardless of personal distaste.

One of the more interesting proposals to solve the problem of adult content on the internet is from a group known as The CP80 Foundation. This group proposes a simple technical solution.

Internet traffic is transmitted through computer channels known as “ports.” You can think of these ports as channels on your television. The default port for web traffic is port 80. CP80 proposes that the international regulatory body for internet domain addresses, known as ICANN, segment traffic on port 80 to be community-safe content only. Adult content would be channelled into another computer port, termed the “open port.”

Presently, the best way to block adult content is by using a web filter. However, filters are far from perfect and often inconvenience users. While a little inconvenience isn’t terrible in my opinion, filters definitely are not a perfect solution. With the CP80 solution filters become obsolete. All that would be necessary to block adult content is to shut off access to the “open port” and allow access to the “community port” (port 80). It would be as easy as blocking a certain channel is with your cable television.

I’m not sure if this idea will ever come to fruition, but it is one of the more interesting and simple solutions I have seen.

You can learn more by visiting The CP80 Foundation’s website.

Here is a surprising article from the Associated Press…

AMSTERDAM – The municipal pornography archive in the Dutch city of Leeuwarden is missing and officials fear it may be gone for good.

What is surprising to me about this article isn’t that the pornography was stolen, but that a government municipality had an official porno archive.

I know a guy who was arrested for stealing credit card numbers to use when accessing pay porn sites. Porn and theft going together isn’t anything new. An official government porn collection, on the other hand, is new to me!

This is from the most recent e-Newsletter from Jayson Graves and Healing for the Soul.

Wouldn’t it be nice if we could just pray a prayer to have God press some magic button in the sky and all our troubles would be taken care of? In fact, have you ever seen the recent “Easy button” commercials on TV? My favorite one is the ancient Asian warrior sitting on his horse with an army charging hard at him. As the army gets closer and closer he sits calmly on his horse with an ornate little wooden box on his lap. Just as the army is about to reach him, he opens the box and a red button with the word “Easy” on it is revealed. He presses this easy button and all of a sudden, a wall comes up out of the ground…but the wall comes up behind him! 

Magic Button vs. a Process
I think this is part of the reason God doesn’t use magic buttons: in our humanity, we’d probably find a way to mess things up. But more importantly, as I’ve found in my own journey of reaching out to God for help, He likes to use a process to help us grow. Why? Well, God is a relational God. He’s a God who chooses to walk with us through a problem rather than just zap it away. This is how he gets Glory-by making his strength perfect in our weaknesses and then using that glory to draw people unto himself, just like he used his glory to draw you and me to him when we were saved.

Healing-Body, Mind & Spirit
So, we have a choice: continue with our magical thinking, praying that all too familiar prayer that sounds something like “God, will you please take this issue away from me?” or choosing to partner with him in the healing process. What do I mean by partnering? Well, prayer is important, but it’s not the only resource God gives us for the healing journey. Yes, it’s important to prayerfully ask God each day to partner with us at the beginning of the day and prayerfully thank him for how he did help us each day at the end. But the bible says we’re created with more than just a spirit so we need more than just spiritual answers. We are to ‘be sanctified body, mind and spirit” as it says in first Thessalonians 5:23.

Accepting that biblical reality can be the first step towards a more holistic healing-a healing that’s characterized by solutions for the body, for the mind and heart as well as for the spirit. We can begin to explore and realize the positive benefits of things like physical exercise and appropriate physical affirmation like hugs from friends. We can learn about and employ techniques for controlling our mind and caring for our feelings and emotions. In this way, we’re not only experiencing fullness in life which lends to a better context for healing but we’re honoring the way that God created us:

Connecting your life
Now it’s important that we get some support and accountability in this process so connecting with a therapist and a group can only help the partnership. A therapist can be God’s vessel of healing in helping to expose things like unhealthy life patterns, family issues and flawed coping methods and function as an advocate or guide, giving us perspective, objectivity and feedback as well as ideas and things to try. 

A good group where people are committed to showing up, being real by putting their cards on the table and telling each other the truth in love is also part of the partnership God uses. In his book “Healing Is A Choice,” my friend Steve Arterburn identifies one of the key healing choices we can make as the choice to connect our life. Connecting with others is like letting God use people as “Jesus with skin on” in our lives. So, don’t be afraid: put your life in the light and see what God can do! In James 5:16 He promises us that when we confess our sins to each other, we’re healed. We need him for forgiveness and we need the people he sends us for healing.

Well, I trust this helps you and brings you hope! Remember, partnering with God in the healing process involves abandoning magical ways of thinking, dealing with our struggles body, mind and spirit and connecting with others in accountability for help. So get real and get plugged-in and don’t forget: If thousands of people in recovery like me can live in victory with God’s help and the help of other warriors, so can you, my friend!

If you are are interested in getting into a sex addiction recovery group, we have a partnership with Jayson Graves and Healing for the Soul to offer telephone-based recovery groups. Be sure to check them out and get the help you need!

I was reading the blog of Edwin Leap, a physician who writes about medicine, family, and culture, and I found an opinion you don’t hear out there very often. It was based on an observation of a medical chart.

I was looking over a  chart not long ago and saw a combination of medicines that caught my eye.  The young woman I was caring for was taking an oral contraceptive and an antidepressant.  Nothing unusual, except that it occurs to me that I frequently see that combination, especially in high-school and college-aged single women.

I am the first to agree that correlation is not causation. However, that is not an excuse to stop the investigation altogether. Maybe one is not causing the other, but if a correlation exists, then let’s start digging into that. Let’s unpack the correlation and try and discover what is causing the depression, and consequently the need for the antidepressants. Edwin goes further and postulates on one such potential cause.

All women are designed to establish relationships and maintain them.  They are also made to incorporate physical intimacy into the appropriate relationships, rather than have it as a stand-alone activity.  So, when young women are expected to engage in sex without the security of a lasting relationship, without the hope of a lasting connection with their partner, they become uncomfortable. It violates their programming.  Deep inside, in the place they allow very few to see, it breaks their hearts.

Broken hearts can cause depressed minds.  And that, I suspect, is one of the major reasons that so many women are taking antidepressants along with their birth control pills.  Here they are, young, thrilled by life, full of passion and anxious to share their minds, their spirits, even their bodies with someone whom they love.  But once they do, that someone decides that it was fun for a while, but that it’s time to move on to the next person.  Of course young women become depressed.  Why shouldn’t they?

If these things are true, and I think they are, then it makes sense to me that the free gift of sexual freedom is depression.

You can read the full article here.

What do you think a woman’s virginity is worth?

Is a woman’s virginity worth $3.8 million? That’s how much a 22-year-old from San Diego, California, said she has been offered through an auction she announced in September.

The woman, who goes by “Natalie Dylan,” set up a private auction through the Moonlite Bunny Ranch, a legal brothel in Nevada. The auction has given her lots of “business opportunities,” she said.

What saddens me the most is a statement that the girl made to The London Telegraph.

She added: “It’s shocking that men will pay so much for someone’s virginity, which isn’t even prized so highly anymore.”

Why is it that virginity isn’t important to anyone? Even in Christian circles, it is so misunderstood and for that reason not highly regarded. Virginity is a gift to be given to your spouse. But there is so much more than that. Sex is a bonding agent.

When someone experiences sexual release (orgasm), their brain is washed with chemicals that burn the experience deep into their subconscious mind. This phenomenon is intended by God to deeply bond a husband and wife to one another through sexual intimacy. That is why virginity is so important.

Imagine for just one moment if the attraction that you feel toward others you have shared orgasm with, be it porn or real sexual partners, were all focused on your husband or wife. Rather than your sexuality being tied up with various people, pictures and pixels, it was shared only in the deep, intimate bonds of your marriage. That is incredibly powerful. That is why it should be highly prized!

This is the way God intended it to be…