The second type of love that C.S. Lewis discusses in his book, The Four Loves, is philia, commonly defined as friendship. Those of us in the U.S. probably recognize phiia as the root of the city name Philadelphia, the city of brotherly love.

Lewis believes that philia is the least common and least natural of all the four loves. He goes on to say that there are many who go through life and never experience philia in its true form. Eros is common; otherwise none of us would be born. Storge is also common; otherwise none of us would be reared. Philia, on the other hand, is not an automatic experience that is common to human experience.

The rarity and general misunderstanding of deep friendship philia describes is evidenced by the fact that in the observation of it many would mistake it as homosexual. The portrayal of David and Jonathan in 1 Samuel has been interpreted by some as homosexual in nature. The sadness of this judgment cannot be overstated. It contributes to the lack of deep relationships between same-gender friends by adding element of fear. As we are taught in scripture, “There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because
fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect
in love.” (1 John 4:18)

Philia is characterized by shared interests that bring two or more together. It is deeper than mere camaraderie, or good fellowship, which is almost coincidental. Rather, it is two or more who gather with common interests, but share them on a visceral level. They miss each other in true ways and look forward to spending time together. It is difficult to even describe this kind of love without it coming off as tawdry in nature.

Deep friendship differs from sexual, eros, love in this way: eros is characterized by a man and a woman face-to-face; eyes on each other. Philia is characterized primarily by a man and a man, or woman and a woman, standing shoulder-to-shoulder; eyes on their common interests. Eros is naked bodies. Philia is naked personalities.

One surprising factor about this kind of love is that it is not necessarily for good. Lewis believes that the cause around which deep friends form may be for good or for evil. They embolden each other in moving toward their common goals. Those goals may be commendable, or despicable. The phenomenon of philia is that the judgments of those outside the circle of friends are generally ignored within the circle. For this reason, Lewis described philia friendship is a resistance movement. Lewis went so far as to call philia the most spiritual of the loves, the corruption of which is also the most spiritual corruption.

It is quite easy to see that the lack of understanding and moreso experience of philia may contribute to all sorts of deficiencies of the heart, for which we may strive to fill illegitimately. The general audience of this blog have turned to sex to fill those voids.