Storge – Affection Part 2
Published March 3, 2009 | 
I did not grow up in an affectionate family. Storge was not commonplace as expressed in parental hugs, kisses and the like. Like any boy, I craved the attention, but it was ever absent.
When I was very young, about eight years old, I was exposed to pornography; not as an accidental discovery, but rather intentionally by my father who decided a Playboy centerfold was a great way to teach me about the birds and the bees. I was immediately captivated. He always had porn magazines on the bookshelf easily accessible.
What I was looking at appeared to be love. Two people, be it a man and a woman or in many of these mens’ magazines a woman and a woman, were showing what to me seemed to be affection and love. Without any guidance on these matters, it was cemented in my young heart that sex and love were synonymous. Furthermore, affection of any sort from a woman became sexually charged.
Since getting married my wife has many times expressed her feelings of pressure; that any expressions of affection must lead to sex. I have to confess the arousal that I often feel. I am growing in this area. Through this study of love I am learning that there are different kinds of love.
Only agape, which is for another writing, is love of a type that cannot be corrupted by the flesh. For me, storge love, defined as affection, has been hijacked by the loss of innocence in my formative years. Now I as a man am standing up to reclaim it and show affection in the way God intended it to be: a display of my love with no ulterior motives, only to communicate my familiar affection to my wife, family and friends!
Storge – Affection Part 1
Published March 3, 2009 | 
The first of the four loves that C.S. Lewis discusses in his book is from the Greek word “Storge”. It is best described as affection, particularly in reference to parents and their children. Moving outward from that purest expression you would find non-sexual affection between spouses, other family members, friends and even strangers to whom we have affinity. Storge often has the unique quality of being expressed indiscriminately.
One phenomenon regarding each kind of love that Lewis explains is the tendency to both good and depraved expression. Storge love is what most in our society would consider to be deep feelings of affection that are marked by both commitment and familiarity. It is often difficult to determine where and when the feeling originated. To discover it is essentially to acknowledge that it has been there long before and grew as the relationship became more familiar.
However, this familiarity is the kind that can breed contempt. Storge in family relationships is often taken for granted and expected without merit. Out of familiarity, family members may treat one another in ways they would never dream of treating a stranger. If they treated others the way they sometimes treated each other it would be grounds for terminating the relationship. In its worst forms, this can play into members staying in abusive situations far longer than they ought.
Also, the familiarity of storge love can be resistant to change. Jealousy may erupt when the object of affection moves on to another stage of life. Rather than showing approval for one’s achievement which may change the familiar circumstances of the relationship, contempt for that achievement arises.
As the most commonly expressed form of love, storge is an easy companion to the other kinds:.
- Storge and Eros (love between the sexes): lovers may kiss and show affection, but it is not always sexual in nature. There are often varying degrees between storge and eros in marital relationships; a friendly kiss goodbye or a deeply intimate kiss and various degrees in between. Eros is typically fleeting. Storge, on the other hand, is more of a constant affection within the relationship. As Lewis puts it, “Storge makes a nest for Eros.”
- Storge and Philia (the bond of friendship): the bond between friends lends itself to shows of affection. A hug, handshake, pat on the back or high-five are all expressions of storge love between friends. These expressions deepen the friendship and bring more familiarity to it.
- Storge and Agape (unconditional love of God): Unconditional love may easily express itself in shows of affection. The most striking of these expressions are toward those that others may deem to be unlovable. Picture Mother Theresa cradling a leper as an extreme example.
The Four Loves
Published March 1, 2009 | Today I purchased “The Four Loves” by C.S. Â Lewis on audiobook from Audible.com.
This is the publisher’s summary of the book:
In this remarkable recording, C.S. Lewis shows why millions of readers have acclaimed him the greatest spokesman for Christianity in the twentieth century. In a resonant, baritone voice, Lewis explores the nature of the four Greek words that are translated love in English: “storge” (affection), “philia” (friendship), “eros” (sexual or romantic love) and “agape” (selfless love).
But instead of giving us a dry, theological treatise, Lewis makes the subject extremely personal and practical by showing us how easily natural loves can go wrong and pollute our relationships. He shows that what we often tend to excuse as natural behavior is really selfish and destructive.
Lewis exposes these pitfalls in our loves in order to lead us to the solution, Godlike agape love that God has for men and women and the kind we must develop and nurture in our relationships.
As in his writing, Lewis doesnÂ’t merely tell, he shows these loves in action with vivid and often humorous illustrations. The images are so realistically drawn and so alive you are sure to recognize someone you know or live with, or maybe even yourself.
This is a very relevant topic for those of us who struggle with lust, which is a counterfeit for the deep love we crave. Understanding real love should help me recognize the counterfeit more readily!
I look forward to listening to it and plan on writing a blog for each of the four types of love, so be sure to check back over the next week or so.
Keep In Touch