Practical Servant Leadership for Husbands
Published July 31, 2010 | 
Brian Dodd on Leadership has a great post up now that all husbands must read. It is about servant leadership and being Christ-like toward our wives. Thanks Brian!
http://briandoddonleadership.com/2010/07/31/the-best-leadership-advice-i-ever-received/
Reversing the Past
Published July 30, 2010 | We became entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
I’m single-minded in pursuit of you; don’t let me miss the road signs you’ve posted. I’ve banked your promises in the vault of my heart so I won’t sin myself bankrupt. Be blessed, GOD; train me in your ways of wise living. Psalm 119:10-12 The Message
“When our desire is focused on loving God and others, we will realize our deepest longings for life fulfilled.” – An Anonymous Recovering Alcoholic
Reversing the Past
None of us will ever eliminate our character defects on our own, no matter how hard we try. While it is not possible for us to remove our character defects on our own, we can learn to change the way we think, the way we act and the way we live our lives. Letting go of character defects is never passive. Like everything else we do in recovery, character change requires action. Personal growth and change is a divine interaction between God’s grace and our choices. When we change our actions, we interrupt habitual patterns of thinking, believing and feeling. Motion changes emotion!
If we are willing to change, we will not make the same mistakes time after time. It takes some practice, but with a little commitment and a few failures (which we will want to share with another person), the changes to the way we think, the way we feel and the way we act will begin to come quite quickly. People from religious backgrounds call this repentance and that’s exactly what it is. Grassroots, down and dirty, rubber meets the road repentance. The simplest definition of repentance is to “change one’s mind.” It’s an about face. Turning and going in the other direction. Whatever you call it, it works.
Scripture offers an overwhelming abundance of practical insight and guidance for those of us who are looking for renewal and strength. There are some things that just cannot be said any better than the way Scripture has already said it.
“And so I insist – and God backs me up on this – that there be no going along with the crowd, the empty- headed, mindless crowd. They’ve refused for so long to deal with God that they’ve lost touch not only with God but with reality itself. They can’t think straight anymore. Feeling no pain, they let themselves go in sexual obsession, addicted to every sort of perversion. But that’s no life for you! You learned Christ! My assumption is that you have paid careful attention to him, been well instructed in the truth precisely as we have it in Jesus. Since then, we do not have the excuse of ignorance, everything – and I do mean everything – connected with that old way of life has to go. It’s rotten through and through. Get rid of it! And then take on an entirely new way of life – a God-fashioned life, a life renewed from the inside working itself into your conduct as God accurately reproduces his character in you.” Ephesians 4:19 – 23 The Message
Any questions?
Insights and Inspirations for Christian Twelve Step Recovery
By David Zailer and The Men and Women of Operation Integrity
Chapter Six Segment Seven
Copyright David Zailer, 2008
Operation Integrity
24040 Camino del Avion #A115
Monarch Beach CA 92629
1-800-762-0430
operationintegrity@cox.net
Some Light Reading
Published July 30, 2010 | Here are the results of a search for the term “addict” in The Message translation of The Bible.
Lots of food for thought!
Emotions and Choices
Published July 28, 2010 | My understanding of emotions are that they cannot be controlled per-se. They happen and they are more or less spontaneous. What do can control is our response to them. We are responsible for our behavioral responses to our emotional reactions.
Two key words here: reactions (emotions) and responses (choices we make as a result of those emotions).
1. It is okay for me to have emotions, even bad ones. They are, in fact, a gift from God. However, they are very powerful and can lead to very poor choices if I am not careful. Emotions can only be dealt with through validation. I need to know that it is okay for me to feel this way. The best way for that to happen is by talking about my feelings with another “safe” person. (The Purity Report Partner Guidelines are a great way to create those safe relationships.)
2. I am responsible for the choices I make, even bad ones. Our will is also a gift from God. But, when fueled by negative emotions, we can make some really stupid choices. Sometimes, we get those responses (read choices) so ingrained that they are practically automatic. Sounds familiar, doesn’t it?
Drawing this distinction has opened up a lot for me. It is okay for me to feel crappy about things. I also have the power to choose how I am going to respond. If I have automatic responses in play (addictions) then I need to find a way to slow down the cycle of stimulus (emotion) and response (choice) so I can choose differently!
I wrote a blog post a while back that adds more to this called “Stimulus and Response.”
Staying Faithful Means No Porn!
Published July 27, 2010 | My pastor (sermonshorts.com) tweeted this article. It makes some great points about porn addiction, the abuse of women in the porn industry, and how porn destroys oneness in your marriage.
http://joshdixonline.com/staying-faithful-means-no-porn-brothers
One section that was particularly compelleing to me was this:
…married men, pursuing oneness is an essential key for you and your wife. Everything we do either moves toward our spouse or away from her. There is no middle ground. If you do nothing, you drift. Oneness has to be a constant pursuit. So in a fight, if you and your spouse can have oneness as the goal–not compromise, but oneness–instead of just winning the fight or discussion, you are saying your relationship is more important than your argument or position. And if you can see that everything you do is either actively pursuing her or moving away from her, you can have an internal check for yourself when you see that you’re drifting apart. My wife and I have made this part of the language we use to talk about our relationship every day. Frankly, it has saved us through all kinds of suffering that could have easily made us drift.
License for Immorality
Published July 27, 2010 | I was really challenged reading Lazaroo today…
“They are godless men, who change the grace of our God into a license for immorality…”
(Jude 1:4)This is a dangerous trap, Jesus –
and not just for “godless men.”
It’s a lethal trap Satan keeps setting for me.
How many times have I done what I know I shouldn’t do
telling myself that after I’ve dabbled in them a little while…
all I have to do is tell You, “I’m sorry”“knowing” You’ll immediately wipe my sins from Your record
because – after all – You’ve promised to forgive me if I ask You to –
haven’t You?
Or…
is there a difference in merely saying the words…
and being truly sorry?
I don’t have to ask that.
I know the answer.
You look straight into my heart.
You know when I’m truly sorry –
desperately desiring never to commit that sin again
and when all I want
is a free pass.
Teens Against Porn – Reloaded
Published July 24, 2010 | 
One of our sites, Teens Against Pornography, has been relaunched on a new platform. The team there is really excited about building out content and improving the look-and-feel now that the upgrades are complete.
If you are a teenager, stay tuned to Teens Against Porn. A lot of new, cool features should be popping up!
If you aren’t a teen, but know one who struggles with porn and wants help – send them our way. Teens Against Porn is a great place where teens are empowered to Get Real, Get Honest and Get Free!
Be Thankful
Published July 10, 2010 | I was reading through 1 Thessalonians this morning and came across a well-worn verse.
pray continually;
1 Thes. 5:17
I have often read or heard this verse and come to one simple conclusion: I am not praying enough. That may be true, but is too simplistic and I don’t believe it really gets at the heart of this exhortation. Yes, we should pray without ceasing. However, it does not set right with my heart when my first-glance reading of scripture brings feelings of inadequacy because of a New Testament standard I feel I could never live up to.
Fortunately, the Holy Spirit does not give us this verse in isolation. He beautifully sandwiches it between two other verses (read context) that give it color and practicality. Back up one verse and this is what you read.
Be joyful always;
1 Thes. 5:16
Well that doesn’t seem any better! Seriously, how am I to be joyful when the world comes crashing down on me? When I am struggling and the shame hits me, the last thing I feel is joyful. That is where this gets exciting. Let’s read those verses together with some inline commentary.
Be joyful always;
1 Thes. 5:16
But how?
pray continuously;
1 Thes 5:17
Joy is linked to prayer. Taken alone, this still seems like a burdensome command that I could never live up to. I don’t always feel joyful and I quite often throw prayer out the window. Fortunately there is more context to help us along.
Be joyful always;
1 Thes 5:16
But how?
pray continuously;
1 Thes. 5:17
What does it look like to always be joyful and pray continuously?
give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.
1 Thes. 5:18
There it is. I knew something was missing! The wonderful thing is that the key I needed to unlock my understanding of an often-quoted, guilt-laden admonishment from scripture was right there all the time; right there in the context!
No matter what happens in my life, however I am feeling, I can choose to be thankful to and for Jesus Christ. When things are good, I can choose to thank my Heavenly Father for his blessings. When things are bad, no matter how dark, I can choose to thank Jesus for salvation, for loving me enough to die for my sins, and all that he has done in my life.
Choosing to give thanks in all circumstances lifts our hearts to God in simple prayer and fills us with joy knowing that we are dearly loved. May we all take advantage of the grace given to us by God the Holy Spirit when we accepted Jesus Christ as Savior and choose to be thankful in any and every circumstance. Regardless of how bad our struggles are or how hopeless we feel, we can always find something for which we can be thankful.
Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Php. 4:4-7
Keep In Touch