A friend of our ministry shared this very transparent testimony with us. We are sharing it with his permission. Masturbation is one of those “gray areas” for a lot of people. But, for many others, it is black-and-white and should be avoided just like pornography. Here’s a quick hint: if you have to justify masturbation to yourself or others, you should seriously consider dispensing with it.

I will explain something I have struggled with for nearly a year. I noticed back then that I was not being stimulated by visual images or by myself and it would take longer and longer for me to get an erection. I also noticed that foreplay between my wife and I was not stimulating either. It got to the stage 2 months ago, where I could not get an erection at all so we could not make love. I was angry and frustrated. My wife was very supportive, encouraging and accepting. It was only a few weeks ago that I discovered what the problem was.

During foreplay this time, after not being able to get an erection, my wife placed her hand on my inner thigh as she was encouraging me with her words and it felt nice, so I asked her to do that again and after a few minutes, I noticed I was getting an erection! So we were able to make love that time. Then I realised what had happened to me. It all made sense. Years of chronic masturbation have desensitized myself to my stimulating myself to the point that it does not work any more. Years of watching porn has done the same, I found myself responding sexually (as in getting an erection) to more and more of different types of porn or sexual positions, sexual activity and these two combined factors were no match to the stimulation in the bedroom between my wife and I. The third factor was that my wife by nature, is not one to show much initiative in foreplay so me having to do most of the work here has gone against me as well.

The next time we got together, she showed much more initiative in using her hand to massage and caress my body and this was more than enough stimulation for me!! She does not mind doing this if it means I get an erection and can then make love. I am so greatly relieved I have found an answer to my dilemma. It does mean though that I have to go cold turkey with masturbation, porn and any other sexual stimulation so that I retrain my brain to respond only to my wife’s touch, foreplay and marital sex only. That is going to take some time but I have to accept that this is the only way to be reprogrammed and back to how God made us in the first place.

I have stumbled to masturbation in the shower at gym however, and I am determined to not let this take me over. I know I can break this temptation and stronghold. I just have to pray before gym, before shower, confess any previous sin, determine to shower only and be in and out as quickly as possible. But I need to focus on God daily not just before the shower at gym. Change my daily discipline.