I frequently receive questions from women who live with the continual anguish of a husband who regularly views pornography. Specifically, they want to know if viewing pornography is a legitimate basis for seeking divorce. It’s a question that comes up more often than I would like when dealing with wives of Christian men. Eventually, I realized that very few women actually want to end their marriages; they merely raise the question of divorce because they have grown weary of being ignored on the issue and cannot think of another means to stop the sin and put an end to their own pain.

So, bear with me as I don my theologian’s hat and answer the question from a biblical point of view. Is viewing pornography a legitimate basis for seeking divorce based on the teachings of Christ? In the article, My Husband Is Having an Affair with Pornography, What Should I Do?, I suggest another course of action that will confront this sin forcefully and effectively without necessarily ending the marriage. Also keep in mind that when pornography in the home threatens to harm someone—exposing the material to children, displaying it openly, potentially leading to physical or sexual abuse, etc.—the circumstances change. A redemptive divorce may be in order.

The Problem with Lust

The viewing of pornography is a difficult theological issue for several reasons. First, it did not exist (as we know it today) in the first century. Second, strictly speaking, it is a gray area between mental and physical sexual expression; more than mere lust, yet it fails to involve actual contact with another person. Third, the emotional wounds suffered by women are no less severe than outright adultery. But most confusing of all, the issue appears to bring together two statements of Christ, uniting the issues of lust, sexual immorality, and divorce. The logic goes like this:

Lust = Adultery [A = B]  (Matthew 5:27–28)

Adultery = Grounds for Divorce [B = C]  (Matthew 5:32; 19:9)

Therefore [A = C], Lust = Grounds for Divorce.

People should be commended for taking Scripture as a whole and bringing all relevant passages to bear on theological issues. However, we must understand each passage in its context before bringing them together. This is true of Jesus’ condemnation of lust and His teaching on divorce. Let’s look at each issue in its context.

Grounds for Divorce

Jesus taught that sexual immorality (porneia) severs the mystical union in the eyes of God (Matthew 5:32; 19:9), and permits the offended party to dissolve the marriage. (You might disagree with my conclusion, but for the sake of argument as it relates to the logic stated above, assume it to be true.)

The Greek word porneia is an umbrella term for a broad range of sexual sin, not just adultery. If He had wanted to limit His exception to adultery, He could have chosen the very common, more specific term moicheia. But He elected to use a term that originally stemmed from the idea of prostitution and, by the first century, encompassed a range of illicit sexual activities, including adultery, homosexuality, incest, bestiality, child molestation, etc. However, the term porneia, as used during Jesus’ time, always referred to activity involving physical contact with another person. If we take the “exception clauses” on their own, this does not include the sin of lust.

The Sin of Lust

Earlier in His ministry, Jesus commented on the teaching of the rabbis concerning the Law and then offered His clarification as the divine Author. “Do not think that I came to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I did not come to abolish but to fulfill” (Matt. 5:17). He then took the opportunity to breathe new life into some Old Testament laws in order to correct the teaching of the Pharisees. Note how He presented His lessons:

  • “You have heard…” (v. 21), “But I say to you…” (v. 22), followed by teaching on murder and resentment.
  • “You have heard…” (v. 27), “But I say to you…” (v. 28), followed by teaching on adultery and lust.
  • “It was said…” (v. 31), “But I say to you…” (v. 32), followed by teaching on divorce and fidelity.
  • “You have heard…” (v. 33), “But I say to you…” (v. 34), followed by teaching on vows and integrity.
  • “You have heard…” (v. 38), “But I say to you…” (v. 39), followed by teaching on justice and kindness.
  • “You have heard…” (v. 43), “But I say to you…” (v. 44), followed by teaching on fair play and grace.

In each case, Jesus extended the application of the Law given through Moses to include what the rabbis had omitted. Furthermore, He amplified the divine revelation in the Old Testament to reveal the full measure of God’s standards. Not only must we refrain from murder, but we must also avoid hatred. Not only is adultery an abomination, so is lust.

While the laws of the Old Testament reflect God’s righteous character, they were primarily intended to regulate the public affairs of a nation, much like the laws of our own government. But we generally understand that a person must be more than merely law-abiding to be considered moral. Obedience to the law is a minimum standard. The rabbis in Jesus’ day not only reduced righteousness to mere obedience to the Law, but they also played clever word games with Scripture to lower the standard even further! They lowered the standard of righteousness in order to call themselves righteous.

When Jesus equated lust with adultery, He was not suggesting the men apply the Law accordingly. It was to point out their hypocrisy. It was to confront the wayward rabbis for lowering the standard of righteousness. It was to convict the self-righteous of their sin.

Correlating the Teaching of Christ on Lust and Divorce

As we examine the teaching of Christ on the Law, we must apply it in the New Covenant sense rather than under the Old Covenant. If we are to apply Jesus’ extension of the Old Covenant strictly (Lust = Adultery = Grounds for Divorce), we must do so consistently (Lust = Adultery = Grounds for STONING!)

When Jesus confronted the rabbis, His purpose was to show that no one can be called righteous, even those who are not guilty of murder or adultery. Our hearts are thoroughly polluted with sin; even our thoughts make us guilty. Therefore, ALL are guilty before God and ALL need His grace.

If we apply the teaching of Matthew 5:27–28 in the same spirit Jesus gave it, then equating lust with adultery is the kind of confrontation needed by men viewing pornography. They want to rationalize their sin by stating it doesn’t involve actual contact with another. We must help them raise the standard of righteousness, not lower it if they expect God to bless their marriages and hear their prayers (1 Peter 3:7).

Is viewing pornography grounds for divorce? I think not. However, there are ways short of outright divorce that can be just as effective. The article, “My Husband Is Having an Affair with Pornography, What Should I Do?,” outlines a tough-love approach to the sin of viewing pornography. I also provide a rudimentary sex addiction assessment tool along with several suggested resources to address this potentially marriage-ending sin.

Written by Mark Gaither, author of Redemptive Divorce

26 Responses to Is Pornography Scriptural Grounds for Divorce?

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  • Chris says:

    Hello,
    I am a male and just got married June first. I have been somewhat addicted to porn since middle school. My wife knew about my addiction before we got married. We had a situation where we couldnt have sex for a good three weeks so I started up watching porn again. My Wife knew I was and I was open with it and she said she didnt really like it. I watched it again and she packed her bags and said that she was going to take 2 weeks away from at the least and it may be over forever. I know if I seek God he will be able to help me, but I would like to know some tricks of when im thinking of looking at it what I can do to help me not to. I really want to stay pure to my wife and I didnt see viewing porn the same way that she did. It really hurt our relationship more than I thought and on top of that God doesnt like it. Its a sin and its not ok to live continuously in sin. So I need help. If you have any resources or tips on how to avoid it please let me know. Thank you.

    • john says:

      Dear Chris,

      Thanks for your comment. I appreciate your openness and willingness to dig in and get some help. Why don’t you join our online community for struggers at http://www.purityreport.com/news.php ? There you can begin talking about things in a safe, online community with other like-minded guys. You can learn some principles of recovery and begin the journey of purity. Feel free to email us if you have any questions.

    • Jon Davis says:

      I just want to say that if she’s using the Bible as the basis for her behavior then she needs to read 1 Cor 7:5. I would call such behavior unfaithfulness.

  • starla says:

    At least you know what it doing and that it is wrong. I would love to get this far with my husband. This is the first step to getting help is admitting you need help! I ask that you pray for my husband to stop watching porno. it has destroyed the love I once had for him. I have lost respect for him as a man and a husband.
    You can keep your marriage if you go to your wife and tell her you are sorry and that she is way more important than porno. But don’t just tell her show her. Together you can break this strong hold that has come between you and your wife. May the God your creator deliver you right now in Jesus name. For His glory, and for your marriage!!!
    God Bless You,
    Starls

    • john says:

      Thank you for your comment, and sharing your burden with us, starla. I will certainly lift up a prayer for you, and your husband. Be sure to get the help that you need to respond with as much grace as possible. When we are hurt and hurting, we can understandably react in hurtful ways, adding more logs to the fire. If you haven’t already done so, check out our online community for women who are in your situation – http://www.partnersforpurity.com. Bless you…

      • Sandy says:

        When my husband was watching porn, I loved adding more logs to the fire. My husband didn’t know whether he was coming or going, & that’s how I wanted it. That’s how I felt when he was viewing (and I might add immensely enjoying) porn. Hey, it’s worked so far. 3 1/2 yrs of no porn. And, I have thrown in a few threats about if it ever happens again…. If your husband really loves you & you can be a jerk without him leaving you, I would use it to your advantage. Isn’t that a form of tough love? I am super loving, & I do everything for my husband, plus anything he wants sexually. So, if he loves me & wants to stay with me, then he better keep himself in line. Otherwise, I will come at him with guns a blazing & he can either run for his life, or stay and take my fire. He has a choice & so far he has stayed with me at most unhappy times. If he chooses to view pornography, I have no obligation to try not to be hurtful to him in return. When I am hurting, I will react in hurtful ways. I will add more logs to the fire & leave it to him to calm the blaze, since he’s the one who lit the fire in the first place. Peace to all….

  • Mark says:

    I have been addicted to porn since an early adolescent and it has reeked havok on every relationship I have been in. My third wife just divorced me and we both are professed believers. I would try very hard to stop looking at porn and masterbating but each time she denied my physical needs I would go back to that and felt justified doing so. I finally resided to the fact that I was just never going to be able to overcome this son and it was just a part of who I was as a man.
    Now that my Christian ex is apparently moving on with dating I am devastated. Even though we are divorced I still feel an immense betrayal thinking of her being with another man and being happier with someone else. This has driven me to the foot of the cross and to fasting. I have now been prob and masterbation free for the longest period of my life and there is only one reason. God, through His Holy Spirit has shown me that my Father loves me deeply and that He wants so so so much more for me than the garbage I have been satisfied eating. Once I really believed this to be true, then every time I was tempted I would be able to tell myself, “It’s not worth it. The goodness and blessings God has for me are SO much more pleasurable and fulfilling than anything porn could possibly offer me that there us NO WAY I am willing to trade off any longer. You would think loosing one wife or the second and certainly the third would be a sufficient catalyst for immediate and lasting repentance and change, but it was only God revealing that Truth to me that made any difference at all in my vile sinful behavior.
    I am now praying earnestly for God to heal my ex-wife’s heart and to restore our marriage and our family. We have a beautiful three year old son that I cannot bare to see grow up in a divorced jome and oosdibly even havibg another father or mother figure in his life. The divorce has been final for nine months and I know by statistics and the worlds view that a reconciliation is highly unlikely and I should just accept things as they are and move on. But I believe my God is able and willing to do exceeding and abundantly above and beyond whatsoever I may think, ask or even imagine!!! Please partner with me in praying for God to perform a miracle in this situation. There is NO HOPE whatsoever at this point which is typically where God likes to show up. Thank you for this site and for any encouragement you may be willing to offer.

    • john says:

      Mark,

      Thanks for your comment. I am so sorry to hear about the severe consequences that addiction have brought into your life. That being said, I am glad that the Lord is beginning to carry you through, and grow you in this area. I have found that willingness is the key to everything on the road to recovery. We have to be willing for God to work in our lives every step of the way. If we are not willing, then he allows the pain of this fallen world to work on us externally to give us the best opportunity to become internally willing to change. I know that’s a bit philosophical, but I believe it to be the essence of our spiritual journey – willingness is the lynchpin that holds the whole thing together. God bless you for coming to the place where you are willing to change, and thank God for working to bring you to that place!

      I can say in my own life I’ve seen the devastating affects of sex addiction. I will spare the details in this forum. But, I can very much relate. If you haven’t already done so, please check out our site http://www.purityreport.com which is designed for strugglers such as us to come together, talk about what is going on, seek prayer and encouragement.

  • Denise says:

    Dear Mark,

    Thank you for sharing your story. As sad as it made me for your situation, I found it hopeful in yours and my case. Last week I found porn on the computer that my husband was looking at. My heart is crushed to say the least. The thing I feel the most more than the shock and betrayal is shame. Knowing the man I’ve made vows and babies with likes to look at young naked women. My 45th birthday is next monh, and I can’t see a future as I get older being with such a man. Your honest letter gives me hope as I’m trying to wrestle with this pain. Keep your eyes on the holiness and purity of the Savior. His yoke is easy and His burden is light. God bless you brother and I will be praying for reconciliation.

  • monica says:

    My husband and I have been married well over a year now, but I constantly find him watching porn. I can’t deal with it anymore and I am ready to walk out on this marriage. Honestly he barely even looks at me let alone has any form of “intimacy” with me but he is constantly watching that stuff behind my back. I have tried talking to him about it but I think there comes a time where enough is enough. I want to do what is right in God’s eyes but I just can’t be in this marriage anymore, I am so tired of being constantly belittled and humiliated. I don’t know what to do anymore…

    • john says:

      Dear Monica,

      Thank you for your comment, and for sharing your pain and frustration with us. What you are describing is certainly a violation of your marriage vows, and your dignity as a wife and woman. If you are open to it, I have two suggestions.

      1. Get the help and support you need to walk with God during this trial. We have an online community of women designed exactly for this purpose – http://www.partnersforpurity.com. You also may benefit greatly from seeing a good Christian counselor. If you don’t know of one, you can see the Links section of this website. We are very selective of the counselors we recommend.

      2. Discover how to create, and enforce, healthy boundaries in your marriage. The best resource I know of to learn healthy boundaries for marriage is the book, “Boundaries in Marriage” by Cloud and Townsend. It is a practical, nuts-and-bolts book on healthy boundaries; not just a philosophy on the topic, but also how-to advice. But even then, I strongly recommend doing the work of boundaries involving others, not on your own. You will need to draw upon the strength of other women who understand your pain, can help you vent your frustrations, and hang in there when you are ready to throw in the towel.

      Now, here’s the thing: Both of the suggestions above are based on a single assumption. That assumption is that you want this marriage. The core of wanting the marriage is even more personal – that you love this man. Even though he has hurt you deeply, and continues to do so, you have to decide for yourself if you are willing to stick to the vows you made. “In sickness and in health” is a serious commitment that we sometimes don’t understand on the front end. Let me be clear – addiction is a sickness. Your husband needs help. I am sure you will find early boundaries will involve him seeking help to continue living in the marriage as normal.

      I am deeply sorry for your pain. I caused tremendous pain to my own wife through my addiction to pornography. On behalf of your husband, I apologize. I know that is probably rather hollow, and certainly doesn’t change your reality. Let God do his work in your life first, and seek him to discover what he wants to do in your husbands life, and how you can be a part of that plan. There is peace and I dare say joy, knowing we are walking squarely in God’s will, even when our loved ones are not.

      Bless you, sister. Hang in there…

  • Donna says:

    My husband of 25 years was arrested 8 months ago for child porn via the internet. There was never any physical contact. He is facing 5-20 years of prison time. I have promised to walk through this phase with him, but do not know about staying married. We are both Christians, but he says he committed adultery in his mind many times and I have every right to leave him even though he wants me to stay. Unknown to me he was abused as a child, but had blocked out the memories and as a result resorted to porn. I do not know if I can handle the length of time he is facing, the restrictions he/we will have to deal with upon release, very limited options for employment and the stigma of having to register as a sexual offender. I am seeing a Christian counselor, but would love to hear your thoughts on this.

    • john says:

      Thank you for your comment. I am sorry for the delay in responding.

      That is a heartbreaking story. I have heard of several men who, unwittingly, came into possession of child pornography through peer-to-peer downloading of pornography. It happens much easier than one might think. I would suggest listening closely to your counselor, and the Holy Spirit, about what you should do. It would be very difficult, if not impossible, to give better guidance than that in such a complicated situation. I hear your love for your husband. Yet, you could very easily say you have biblical grounds for divorce. I know others whose marriages have survived the situation you are describing – with similar prison terms. You are doing what I would recommend off the cuff – seeking counsel and staying open to God’s will.

  • sara says:

    My husband and I have been married for four years. I knew that before we were together he had watched porn but quit once we started dating and promises never to do it again. He stopped using drugs and alcohol, became a active in church and basically became a new wonderful person. I knew without a doubt I could trust and rely on him. He was my absolute beat friend. We do everything together and just genuinely love being around each other. We were both happy… Until two days ago. I logged on to our computer before heading to work that morning and saw an article up about dealing with porn. He was asleep in bed. At first I thought he must have just been on a website that happened to have the article on it. I woke him up to ask him about it. At first he said absolutely no that he did not look at porn but then the truth came out. He said he has been looking at it on our computer and his cell phone since the beginning of the year. I just couldn’t believe it. I couldn’t imagine he would do something like that. He knows and has known since we got married that I view it as cheating. I feel so overwhelmingly Burt and betrayed. My sister and her husband had trouble with this and my husband saw how much it hurt them. I thought our marriage was great, even unbreakable. We’ve never had problems with intimacy. I feel so betrayed and alone. I don’t understand how my best friend could do this to me. He promises never to do it again but i don’t know how to feel the love and trust we had. Never in my life would o have thought he would do this. How do i get over this? Please help. I don’t know what to do. I can’t bear the look of pain in his face if he thought i was going to leave him but i don’t know how to get over the hurt and betrayal.(I’ve had trust issues since i was younger and molested and since my twin sister tried to kill herself about 6 years ago. My husband was there to help me through it bit now i have no one to turn to)

    • john says:

      Sara,

      Thank you for your comment. I know this hurts terribly. If I may be directive – please check out our website for spouses, http://www.partnersforpurity.com where you can talk with other women in your situation. You need support from others to heal, just as much as he needs support to maintain sexual integrity. We kid ourselves when we think these problems just go away. That might be hard to hear. I am sorry for that. The good news is, this is not terminal and your marriage does not have to fall victim to this sin. He can walk in purity, and you can walk in forgiveness. It takes time, and healing on both parts for that to happen.

  • Jen says:

    Hello, my name is Jenny. like many of you I am so broken-hearted right now. I loved my husband first before he knew i existed. I remember EVERY time I ever saw him or interacted with him. We are both believers. I love him so much. I ALWAYS have. He”s beautiful and funny. He makes me feel special when he stares into my eyes and he’s ALL i see and i constantly believe its just the same for him. We come from different lives and have children from being young and ignorant. we’ve healed from it. Anyways. He watches porn, deletes it, hides evidence and goes into great detail about how what traces i find are somehow not as bad as it seems. “its not a problem abymore” i am mortified. And traumtized. aony is ALL i feel now when we are together and als when we are apart. i want his comfort but his lies are So RAMPANT in his hands, his speech that i cnt help but hate him for doing this to me. To us. to what we have together..the kids. ive told him Everything about me and my hurts and he put them on display in public and lied to people before and continues even now. He told church leaders i was evil this and that to cover up his own sin to ‘save face’. it worked. they gave him so much sympathy and said to stay away from such a harlot of a person, all the while I WAS THE ONE staying at home and praying and fasting and begging and crying hurting, frustrated for our love for each other failing always. All this while HE was drinking and hanging out at bars talking to people including married woman (mutual friends that are going through divorce themselves and hanging out with MY husband instead behind both other spouses backs) and the list goes on its so bad. then when he marries me everyone is shocked and completely rejects me unbeknownst to me as to why at the time but i have found out by talking with the leaders that he has lied for so long about numerous things and flat out painted a horrible picture of me that it makes me want to throw up. he has pull on people in the church and is very popular and uses this to hurt me and excuse it bc he has no one to stop him and once one person is suspicious of his stories he moves on to the next to gain sympathy with his lies. im so tired of this. i completely hate his actions towards us and utterly feel brutalized by his lack of concern for us and unyielding sinful behaviour. i hurt all over always when i try to make love to him or seek comfort for the hurt that he’s causing me. i feel like im loosing my mind. i used to be so light and free and love so many beautiful things and just care so much for peoples hearts and stuff. And now i just feel imprisoned with babies to take care of and act like its nothing baring it on MY SHOULDERS ALONE, since hes aloof, and act like nothings changed because i want to be a strong mom for them. he hates me so much. i cant bare it much longer. plese help i dont know what else to do….

  • Jeanie says:

    Several years ago I caught my husband watching porn (+ more) on 4 occasions. I think he was doing it nightly for quite sometime, but I only caught him in the act 4 times. During this time he never approached me for sex. I approached him many times, but he generally turned me down. When he didn’t turn me down, he was not able to function anyway, couldn’t do anything with me. He also stared at young women out in public, with me sitting next to him. If we were at a beach, he would stare at teens in bikinis to the point of arousal. Remember, he could do nothing with me. He was a loving & respectable husband until porn came along & turned him into a shell of his former self. We have 4 grown children. We’ve been married over 30 years & are near 60 years old. We had a loving & intimate marriage. It was when we got digital cable & a computer that all of this started. As of now, he has not watched porn in 3 years. But, I cannot forget the hurt. I can’t forget how he destroyed my self esteem. The women were 18 to 25. So, I don’t even want him to see an old lady like me. I wasn’t enough for him. I wasn’t good enough for him. And, I can’t get over the hurt & pain. I can’t even forgive the man who I loved dearly for 30 years. I really don’t know what to do. I’m not getting better. I’m getting worse. I’ve talked to LOTS of people & support groups. I have read every great book & article on the subject. I have talked to many religious leaders. I have done everything to try to forgive & forget. I think my problem is he won’t talk to me about any of it, even though he has had tons of advice to do so. He has nothing to say to me. His philosophy is, “Okay it’s over, now let’s get on with life”. The problem is I’m either going to end up doing something I regret, or I’m just going to divorce him. He needs to talk to me. I can’t stand it anymore, & I’m starting to not be able to stand him. All I do is cry when I’m alone & once in awhile in front of him. His advice “Can’t we just move on?” WELL, NO WE CAN’T!!!! I don’t need anymore talks with other women. I don’t need support groups or counselling. I don’t need to read anymore books or articles. Everyone has told me that my husband needs to open up and come clean with me about his sexual sins. But, he won’t, so here we are & here we’ll be once for all & forever. He won’t talk, & I won’t forgive & forget until he does. So, what to do?

    • Mitzi says:

      Hello,
      My husband has a serious problem with porn. He has since before our marriage 20 year ago. I was very naive and didn’t realize what it was. It has only gotten progressively worse. I am at the end of my rope, literally. He has become more disconnected from me and our children the past several years. I am on the verge of filing for a divorce. I gave him an ultimatum, either go to counseling with me and/or a retreat or I will file for divorce. The basis for all my frustration and anguish is not only this sin of porn, but his disbelief in God. I have always had a strong faith; however, the last 8-10 years, my faith has just flourished! I have learned so much about my faith in God. He asked me,”How can you love God so much after all the evil things He has allowed to happen?” I told him, “Don’t make me choose because I will not choose you!” He doesn’t go to church with us, in fact, he despises God because of all the evil in the world, etc. He fails to see all the blessings that he has received. I know I am not perfect by no means, but I am willing to forgive him and fix our marriage, but we need help and guidance. He doesn’t even think that he has a problem, but when you cut out pictures of women in lingerie ads and have hundreds of nude pictures of women on the computer, watch videos, etc. Then, that warrants a serious problem. He will not look at me, etc. He says that it is me and that I am not a loving or pleasing wife. In my mind I am thinking, ” I am no match compared to those women, even though I have kept myself in good shape.” Unless he changes his mind, I am going to file for a divorce. I love him with all my heart and I have been a wonderful mother. In fact, I already feel like a single mom because he is so distant and will not do things as family unless it is something that he wants to do or only if if fits his schedule. Apparently, he doesn’t care or love me enough to save our marriage. So, what is the point of staying? All I can do is trust God and that my children and l will be fine.

    • Jon Davis says:

      He’s feeling ashamed of the past, and unlike women men respond to stress (including stress of shame and guilt) by hushing up about it. The greater the stress and guilt, the more difficult it is for a man to form words. If there was ever a differentiation between men and women, it’s this, I believe. Just because a man is quiet towards a woman doesn’t mean he is unloving or indifferent. For men, talking about the problem and bringing it back into focus can restore the problem and cause it to play out all over again in his mind. When it comes to a psychological problem rather than a physical behavior problem (how we think), the best thing for him to do is to focus on salvaging what is there (your marriage) rather than going back over and over what was previously there (his prior distractions).

  • AJ says:

    Ok, I truly believe that the reason many say not to divorce for unrepentant sin of pornograpy which is always accompanied by self sex called masturbation is at best a masogonist. Men have always felt that they can do what they want and the wife has to dutifully take it. Jesus said that lust is adultery. Just because film was not invented back then does not mean that unrepented pornograpy use is not technically adultery when Christ said it was. Are we going to usurp scripture? Men want porn and their wives. Lets be honest. They want the benefits of marriage and porn. Porn isn’t messy like have a girlfriend on the side. Its easier to have self sex while looking at it. The lazy man’s form of adultery. No STD, not unintended pregnancies, no fear of tue adultress confronting you or your spouse, and you can deceive yourself by saying its not REALLY adultery because I am not in the bed with another woman. No, you are in bed with a media whore and having self sex. Es, you are in bed with someone other than your wife. You are in bed with yourself. A man is to leave his mother and father an cleave to his wife and become one with her. Adam was given Eve as a wife. God did not give Adam an image of a women and then told to cleave to it and self sex. The husband is committing a physical act of adultery eveytime he sleeps with himself.l

  • Sharon says:

    Hello, I am a wife of a man who has been viewing pornography since young boyhood. We have been married almost four years now and I found out he has been choosing the porn over me almost the whole time. After I caught him with it the second time he “got saved” and vowed never to look at it again. Crying saying he didn’t want to loose his family etc… I have chosen to give him a chance but made it clear that if he does not fight this I will not either. I think if the debate if porn is cheating, it is… The question is is it grounds for divorce. Looking at a woman and “lusting” thinking of her in a sexual way etc can be stopped with prayer and or thinking of other things. If a man is struggling with outside the marriage lust he should go to his wife to have his needs fulfilled. The bible says it is good for a man not to marry but it is better to marry then to burn. So a mans wife is his sexual outlet. A man does not cheat if he sees a billboard with a half naked woman on it and has to redirect his thoughts. He cheats if he goes home and fantasizes about that woman and deprives his wife sex so that he can take it into his own hands… A woman needs sex too. A man that is orgasming in any other outlet other than his wife is committing adultery. A wife does not have to stay, however, if the man is repentant I think a woman does well to stay because the enemy would like nothing more than to break up your family. If he is not repentant I think the woman is free. He has violated the marriage bed and the covenant he made before God…. He is depriving his wife, and doing terrible damage in his selfishness. A man should thank The Lord for his beautiful wife instead of spitting in gods face and saying by watching porn, the gift of my wife is not good enough, I want more…. There is no excuse the fruit of the spirit is self control…

  • Lynn says:

    So if lusting over other women threw porn is not grounds to divorce what is a wife to do after 13 yrs of putting up with it! I’m tired of waiting on him to stop. He obviously doesn’t think its wrong or care that it hurts me. Am I suppose to just continue like this tell I die? I need a way out if he doesn’t change.

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