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Our site for women, Partners for Purity, has undergone a facelift today!
Partners for Purity has helped literally hundreds of women hurt by pornography, sexual sin or infidelity. This amazing online community of women offers hope, prayer, encouragement and healing.
If you are a woman and have been hurt by someone else’s sexual sin, you do not have to go it alone. Please visit Partners for Purity and get the help you need and deserve. There is hope and healing in Jesus Christ!
Leave a commentI read a blog post today called “The Martyrdom of Marriage” that is really worth reading. If you struggle in your marriage please take the time to read it.
http://anam-cara.typepad.com/anam_cara/2010/09/the-martyrdom-of-marriage.html
This is re-posted with permission of Brian Dodd on Leadership.
Unfortunately, there are several people in my personal life who have recently divorced or are strongly considering the idea. This is a devastating epidemic in our country that leaves negative consequences affecting multiple generations. What is always humbling is that even the most healthiest of marriages are only one wrong decision away from a lifetime of regret.
David Jeremiah recently said “The church has done an excellent job putting ambulances at the bottom of a cliff. What we have to start doing is putting barriers at the top of the cliff.”
I recently had an enlightening conversation on what you actually base a marriage on. Here is what I told the person you do NOT base a marriage on:
- Trust - Every healthy marriage has trust. You just can’t base the marriage on it.
- Love – Every healthy marriage has love. You just can’t base the marriage on it.
- Common Interests – Every healthy marriage has things in common. You just can’t base the marriage on it.
- Attraction – Every healthy marriage has attraction. You just can’t base the marriage on it.
- Companionship – Every healthy marriage has companionship. You just can’t base the marriage on it.
- Money – Every healthy marriage must have financial resources. You just can’t base the marriage on it.
- Kids – Children are obviously important. You just can’t base the marriage on them.
Once he picked himself up off the floor we addressed the appropriate follow-up question. So if you can’t base a marriage on Trust, Love, Common Interests, Attraction, Companionship, Money, or the Children, what do you base a marriage on?
A Healthy Marriage Is Based Upon A Person. A healthy marriage is based on Jesus Christ. Marriage was instituted by God and is a picture of the relationship He has with his bride, the church.
A Healthy Marriage Based Upon A Person has these benefits:
- A reliable foundation that does not change.
- A manual called the Bible that teaches you how a marriage works.
- A model of sacrificial love.
- A model of commitment.
- A healthy way to resolve conflict. For more information on this topic, click here.
- A reliable counselor who brings reconciliation.
- A financial coach who helps you avoid the pressure of debt.
- A generous benefactor who gives you perfect gifts and meets all your needs.
- A friend who sticks closer than a brother.
- You understand the value of purity.
The most important leadership roles I have is that of husband and father. The reason is because each day I set precedent and send my family forward to a time we cannot see. Tell me your thoughts on what you think a marriage should be based on.
The short podcast at this link gives some great perspective and advice on how to share your struggle with pornography with your spouse.
Here are a couple of points:
- Talk to someone “safe” first such as your pastor, a counselor or trusted friend
- It is better to tell your spouse than to be caught by them
- Honesty is the foundation of intimacy
- All of the gory details are not necessary
- Don’t unload on your spouse to ease your guilt, but to create openness and honesty
- Be prepared to receive their anger and don’t let that deter you from being honest
- Don’t wait for the perfect time – it will never arrive – it will always be awkward and difficult
Brian Dodd on Leadership has a great post up now that all husbands must read. It is about servant leadership and being Christ-like toward our wives. Thanks Brian!
http://briandoddonleadership.com/2010/07/31/the-best-leadership-advice-i-ever-received/
For those of us who are married, you know that investing in the relationship with our mate is one of the most profitable activities we can do. MarriedLife, a ministry devoted to helping people experience the individual growth necessary for a healthy marriage, has kicked off a campaign called The Great Date Experiment. This is how they introduce it.
Most of us want to spend time with our spouse, but most of us don’t spend enough time with our spouse. When we do get time together, a lot of us experience the classic, “What do you want to do? I don’t know, what do you want to do?”
So, your task if you choose to accept it: go to the site, download a date and invest in your marriage!
I got the last of the ScreamFree Marriage email mini-seminar today. It has a lot of really helpful little nuggets. You can see it in entirety here.
For who struggle and are married, you know that your marriage can be one of your biggest supports and biggest triggers to act out. Take the time to invest in yourself and your marriage!
Brian and Darcy on the Couple’s Blog at XXXChurch.com just posted a bit of their story. It is really worth the read; both as a wife or a man struggling with porn addiction.
Thank you Brian and Darcy for being so open about what God has brought you through. Your courage is inspiring and your transparency will help a lot of people begin opening up about their own struggles.
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