Two key words here: reactions (emotions) and responses (choices we make as a result of those emotions).

1. It is okay for me to have emotions, even bad ones. They are, in fact, a gift from God. However, they are very powerful and can lead to very poor choices if I am not careful. Emotions can only be dealt with through validation. I need to know that it is okay for me to feel this way. The best way for that to happen is by talking about my feelings with another “safe” person. (The Purity Report Partner Guidelines are a great way to create those safe relationships.)

2. I am responsible for the choices I make, even bad ones. Our will is also a gift from God. But, when fueled by negative emotions, we can make some really stupid choices. Sometimes, we get those responses (read choices) so ingrained that they are practically automatic. Sounds familiar, doesn’t it?

Drawing this distinction has opened up a lot for me. It is okay for me to feel crappy about things. I also have the power to choose how I am going to respond. If I have automatic responses in play (addictions) then I need to find a way to slow down the cycle of stimulus (emotion) and response (choice) so I can choose differently!

I wrote a blog post a while back that adds more to this called “Stimulus and Response.”

pray continually;
1 Thes. 5:17

I have often read or heard this verse and come to one simple conclusion: I am not praying enough. That may be true, but is too simplistic and I don’t believe it really gets at the heart of this exhortation. Yes, we should pray without ceasing. However, it does not set right with my heart when my first-glance reading of scripture brings feelings of inadequacy because of a New Testament standard I feel I could never live up to.

This drives a lot of people crazy. I am one of them. Why? Because it feeds a culture of denial. Every time I respond with that answer untruthfully, I am putting a little band-aid on my heart in an attempt to hide. The problem is hiding from others leads to hiding from myself and God too. I start to believe that things are “Fine” even when they are truly rotten.

My people are broken – shattered! -
and they put on Band-Aids,
Saying, ‘It’s not so bad. You’ll be just fine.’
But things are not ‘just fine’!
- Jeremiah 6:14 (The Message)

Obviously I am not going to spill my guts to everyone I talk to. But, I need to be spilling my guts somewhere! My freedom and the health of my relationships, with Jesus and others, depends on it.

I don’t want to live my life floating in a boat on a river called DENIAL.

It goes like this: Focused intensity over Time multiplied by God equals unstoppable Momentum.

Rather than try to reproduce what other bloggers have already written, I decided to go to YouTube. Lo and behold! Dave Ramsey delivered essentially the same talk at a church a while back. It is well worth checking out. Here is the first part of the message (it is broken into four parts).

These are the direct links to the other three parts of the message.

The Momentum Theorem Part 2 0f 4

The Momentum Theorem Part 3 of 4

The Momentum Theorem Part 4 of 4

Okay, so you may be asking what this has to do with our primary vision – to help those who struggle with or have been hurt by sexual sin find healing. It is because at times, recovery is hard. In fact, there are times when you feel like you are sliding backwards (read backsliding). It requires a lot of focus, intensity and consistent application of them over time to make it in recovery.

You will not find wholeness through half measures!

We have to trust Jesus to help us focus, to stay intent upon the prize of purity and to sustain us in good times and in bad. We can capture momentum in recovery, like in any other arena of life. It does get easier, but not until we apply ourselves to it.

This simple theorem is a great reminder. Write it down, memorize it, and remember it when things are going well…and when things aren’t going so well. God will multiply our efforts to live for him, and that is what this is all about.

On the last morning of the retreat, we had a time where attendees had the opportunity to share their experiences. One man in particular touched my heart. He shared how he went to the gift shop at the retreat center and asked God to lead him to something. He found a small plaque with a poem entitled, “To My Son” or something like that. As the guy read the poem, he struggled many times through heaving tears to continue reading. One time, he reassured himself as he choked back tears, “Get it together!” I couldn’t help but think, “That is together!” When I had the chance to share, I was sure to tell that man he did have it together and it touched my heart.

I understand what he meant when he said, “Get it together!” He had a goal of sharing the poem with us and his deep emotion was hindering him. However, it was his display of emotion, much more than the words of the poem, that impacted those of us listening. I was blessed.

This experience highlighted to me how we stifle ourselves emotionally. The discovery of our brokenness during the process of recovery can be intense. It can at times render you a quivering mess of emotions. But keep this in mind: that is together! The brokenness we discover can really only be put back together when we allow ourselves to grieve it appropriately. Only then can we move on with integrity, knowing we have given our souls the needed ventilation. Getting it together may in truth look like falling apart!

Green Grass and Deep Crap

We have several patches of unusually green, extremely tall grass in our front yard.
We also have a problem with our septic system.  It leaks into the aforementioned part of the yard, where the grass grows tall and green.

There is a direct correlation:
The place where the crap runs the deepest
is the place where the grass grows the greenest.

(It’s a stretch, but…)
The same is true in our lives.
The more crap we go through, the more we grow.

James said it in a more profound and appropriate way:
Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.
(James 1:2-3)

Thought for the day:
Deep crap=Green grass

We do not know the strength of the evil impulses inside of us until we try to fight against them.

None of our character flaws seem too insidious until we try to change them. They just lurk under the surface, doing their damage quietly in the dark. Once we try to root them out, that is when they show just how strong their grip on us really are.

It is a short devotion on Genesis 3:11 where God asked Adam and Eve who told them that they were naked? The blog goes on to ask some other more personal questions…who told you those things about yourself?

Check it out…

What a man desires is unfailing love…
Proverbs 19:22

How many sorrows have we brought upon ourselves and others for the lack of love?

Old English translations of agape used the word, “charity.” This may be a more correct rendering than the word “love” that has become so ambiguous in contemporary language. But even charity falls short. Charity conveys the idea that agape is a free gift. It does not, however carry the full weight of love that loves the unlovable; unconditional, incorruptible and divine.

Agape is the only love that is inherently holy. All other loves carry with them a danger of corruption, as we have previously discussed. Not so with agape. Lewis characterizes the natural loves as pure only when they have been made an altar for agape to light upon. This brings me to the most terrifying aspect of divine love: the idea of holiness.

According to Lewis, and I suspect he is correct, only agape and that which has been subjected to it will enter heaven in eternity. Any love that I enjoy in this life, toward my wife, children, family and friends as examples, must be converted, in a sense, to agape if it is to endure. Only that which is holy can stand in God’s presence and only divine love can pass muster. The love I feel in this life must be yielded to the love of Christ. As he expresses his divine love through my natural love, it becomes something more than natural. It becomes supernatural; charged with his essence, which is agape.

In a wonderful way, divine love can only be given to another if it is first received. We can only give agape to the extent we have received it from God himself. Because God characterizes himself as love, receiving divine love is nothing less than receiving him. The deeper I invite Jesus Christ into my heart and life, the deeper the reservoir of divine love from which I may draw upon to nourish the hearts of others.

As this blog is primarily about sexual purity, I will close by briefly pointing out that divine love is the only power strong enough to counter the primary element of human depravity: shame. My counselor, among others, believes shame is the most powerful of negative human emotions. It is the root of enormous human sorrow and suffering. Furthermore, it is the ultimate root of addiction. For no other reason would anyone subject themselves to dangerous, compulsive behavior than shame, evidenced by the self-loathing all honest addicts will attest to.

Free, unconditional, divine love renders shame powerless. It reminds me of TILT on a pinball machine. God’s love shakes the foundation of man’s depravity to its core and leaves him with the same choice posed to Israel in ancient times. Before us is set life (love) and death (shame) for the choosing (see Deut. 30:11-20).

Today I choose life…I choose love!