Storge – Affection Part 2
Published March 3, 2009 | 
I did not grow up in an affectionate family. Storge was not commonplace as expressed in parental hugs, kisses and the like. Like any boy, I craved the attention, but it was ever absent.
When I was very young, about eight years old, I was exposed to pornography; not as an accidental discovery, but rather intentionally by my father who decided a Playboy centerfold was a great way to teach me about the birds and the bees. I was immediately captivated. He always had porn magazines on the bookshelf easily accessible.
What I was looking at appeared to be love. Two people, be it a man and a woman or in many of these mens’ magazines a woman and a woman, were showing what to me seemed to be affection and love. Without any guidance on these matters, it was cemented in my young heart that sex and love were synonymous. Furthermore, affection of any sort from a woman became sexually charged.
Since getting married my wife has many times expressed her feelings of pressure; that any expressions of affection must lead to sex. I have to confess the arousal that I often feel. I am growing in this area. Through this study of love I am learning that there are different kinds of love.
Only agape, which is for another writing, is love of a type that cannot be corrupted by the flesh. For me, storge love, defined as affection, has been hijacked by the loss of innocence in my formative years. Now I as a man am standing up to reclaim it and show affection in the way God intended it to be: a display of my love with no ulterior motives, only to communicate my familiar affection to my wife, family and friends!
Storge – Affection Part 1
Published March 3, 2009 | 
The first of the four loves that C.S. Lewis discusses in his book is from the Greek word “Storge”. It is best described as affection, particularly in reference to parents and their children. Moving outward from that purest expression you would find non-sexual affection between spouses, other family members, friends and even strangers to whom we have affinity. Storge often has the unique quality of being expressed indiscriminately.
One phenomenon regarding each kind of love that Lewis explains is the tendency to both good and depraved expression. Storge love is what most in our society would consider to be deep feelings of affection that are marked by both commitment and familiarity. It is often difficult to determine where and when the feeling originated. To discover it is essentially to acknowledge that it has been there long before and grew as the relationship became more familiar.
However, this familiarity is the kind that can breed contempt. Storge in family relationships is often taken for granted and expected without merit. Out of familiarity, family members may treat one another in ways they would never dream of treating a stranger. If they treated others the way they sometimes treated each other it would be grounds for terminating the relationship. In its worst forms, this can play into members staying in abusive situations far longer than they ought.
Also, the familiarity of storge love can be resistant to change. Jealousy may erupt when the object of affection moves on to another stage of life. Rather than showing approval for one’s achievement which may change the familiar circumstances of the relationship, contempt for that achievement arises.
As the most commonly expressed form of love, storge is an easy companion to the other kinds:.
- Storge and Eros (love between the sexes): lovers may kiss and show affection, but it is not always sexual in nature. There are often varying degrees between storge and eros in marital relationships; a friendly kiss goodbye or a deeply intimate kiss and various degrees in between. Eros is typically fleeting. Storge, on the other hand, is more of a constant affection within the relationship. As Lewis puts it, “Storge makes a nest for Eros.”
- Storge and Philia (the bond of friendship): the bond between friends lends itself to shows of affection. A hug, handshake, pat on the back or high-five are all expressions of storge love between friends. These expressions deepen the friendship and bring more familiarity to it.
- Storge and Agape (unconditional love of God): Unconditional love may easily express itself in shows of affection. The most striking of these expressions are toward those that others may deem to be unlovable. Picture Mother Theresa cradling a leper as an extreme example.
The Four Loves
Published March 1, 2009 | Today I purchased “The Four Loves” by C.S. Â Lewis on audiobook from Audible.com.
This is the publisher’s summary of the book:
In this remarkable recording, C.S. Lewis shows why millions of readers have acclaimed him the greatest spokesman for Christianity in the twentieth century. In a resonant, baritone voice, Lewis explores the nature of the four Greek words that are translated love in English: “storge” (affection), “philia” (friendship), “eros” (sexual or romantic love) and “agape” (selfless love).
But instead of giving us a dry, theological treatise, Lewis makes the subject extremely personal and practical by showing us how easily natural loves can go wrong and pollute our relationships. He shows that what we often tend to excuse as natural behavior is really selfish and destructive.
Lewis exposes these pitfalls in our loves in order to lead us to the solution, Godlike agape love that God has for men and women and the kind we must develop and nurture in our relationships.
As in his writing, Lewis doesnÂ’t merely tell, he shows these loves in action with vivid and often humorous illustrations. The images are so realistically drawn and so alive you are sure to recognize someone you know or live with, or maybe even yourself.
This is a very relevant topic for those of us who struggle with lust, which is a counterfeit for the deep love we crave. Understanding real love should help me recognize the counterfeit more readily!
I look forward to listening to it and plan on writing a blog for each of the four types of love, so be sure to check back over the next week or so.
Changing the Pornography Landscape
Published February 19, 2009 | 
The question of regulating pornography is not an easy one. In the United States, there are Constitutional rights to free speech and freedom of expression. Most agree that these protections extend to adult material. It is a slippery slope to begin suppressing First Amendment rights, regardless of personal distaste.
One of the more interesting proposals to solve the problem of adult content on the internet is from a group known as The CP80 Foundation. This group proposes a simple technical solution.
Internet traffic is transmitted through computer channels known as “ports.” You can think of these ports as channels on your television. The default port for web traffic is port 80. CP80 proposes that the international regulatory body for internet domain addresses, known as ICANN, segment traffic on port 80 to be community-safe content only. Adult content would be channelled into another computer port, termed the “open port.”
Presently, the best way to block adult content is by using a web filter. However, filters are far from perfect and often inconvenience users. While a little inconvenience isn’t terrible in my opinion, filters definitely are not a perfect solution. With the CP80 solution filters become obsolete. All that would be necessary to block adult content is to shut off access to the “open port” and allow access to the “community port” (port 80). It would be as easy as blocking a certain channel is with your cable television.
I’m not sure if this idea will ever come to fruition, but it is one of the more interesting and simple solutions I have seen.
You can learn more by visiting The CP80 Foundation’s website.
What is virginity worth today?
Published February 13, 2009 | What do you think a woman’s virginity is worth?
Is a woman’s virginity worth $3.8 million? That’s how much a 22-year-old from San Diego, California, said she has been offered through an auction she announced in September.The woman, who goes by “Natalie Dylan,” set up a private auction through the Moonlite Bunny Ranch, a legal brothel in Nevada. The auction has given her lots of “business opportunities,” she said.
What saddens me the most is a statement that the girl made to The London Telegraph.
She added: “It’s shocking that men will pay so much for someone’s virginity, which isn’t even prized so highly anymore.”
Why is it that virginity isn’t important to anyone? Even in Christian circles, it is so misunderstood and for that reason not highly regarded. Virginity is a gift to be given to your spouse. But there is so much more than that. Sex is a bonding agent.
When someone experiences sexual release (orgasm), their brain is washed with chemicals that burn the experience deep into their subconscious mind. This phenomenon is intended by God to deeply bond a husband and wife to one another through sexual intimacy. That is why virginity is so important.
Imagine for just one moment if the attraction that you feel toward others you have shared orgasm with, be it porn or real sexual partners, were all focused on your husband or wife. Rather than your sexuality being tied up with various people, pictures and pixels, it was shared only in the deep, intimate bonds of your marriage. That is incredibly powerful. That is why it should be highly prized!
This is the way God intended it to be…
Nurturing the Soul
Published February 10, 2009 | I heard from a guy on Higher-Calling.com today. He confessed how he was feeling very lonely and had a deep need to be nurtured. These feelings were causing him to feel compulsive in the areas where he is week; specifically to act out sexually. I was humbled by his vulnerable confession and felt honored to receive it. As an aside, I was proud of the man for being in touch with his emotions and owning them. That takes guts guys!
My thoughts gravitated toward my own need to be nurtured. It is a need that I honestly don’t understand very well, but I know it is there. We all have it somewhere.
Occasionally, I will hear a worship song performed by a female artist that touches a deep place in my heart. I wondered for a very long time why these certain songs could always bring me to tears when I listened intently to them. “Amazing Love (You Are My King)”, “Child of God”, Breathe, the list goes on.
One day, I prayed about it and I believe that God impressed upon me somehow that these beautiful songs, sung by His daughters, were His way of nurturing my soul.
I shared this personal insight with my struggling friend and directed him to one of those songs that hits me just that way. It seemed to touch his heart in a similar way. He emailed me sharing how amazing it felt to him as well…he felt nurtured.
Maybe God is trying to tell us something?
This montage is set to the song that I shared with him, “Child of God.” My favorite version of it is from the 7:22 Live Worship CD which is now out of print. But this version, from the Hungry CD is still very good.
Am I nuts? Okay…don’t answer that! But if you have any insight into this, I’d love to hear from you!
If you are using a feed reader, you may not see the YouTube video. Click here to see the original post.
Chip Ingram and The Relationship Test
Published February 4, 2009 | One of my favorite Bible teachers is Chip Ingram. I’ve been listening to him for about a decade now on and off. I follow his blog and came across a post today well worth sharing.
Chip explained that live is all about relationships. I wholeheartedly agree. He recommends asking ourselves these questions to do a check-up of where we stand with the most important relationships in our lives.
The original blog post can be found on Chip’s Blog.
Where do you stand?
Relationship with God
- Am I surrendered? Am I experiencing His presence?
- Am I loving Him more deeply? Am I enjoying Him more fully?
- Are there any barriers? Do I sense His pleasure?
- Am I motivated to meet with Him? Am I practicing His presence throughout the day?
Relationship with Family
- As a husband, am I loving my wife the way Christ loves the Church?
- As a wife, am I respecting my husband in a way that honors and encourages him?
- Are we making time for one another and our family?
- As a dad, am I leading my family spiritually?
- As a mother, am I nurturing and encouraging my children’s relationship with one another?
- As child/student, am I honoring my parents?
- As an adult child, am I honoring my elderly parents?
- Am I communicating with my family regularly? Do I pray for my family members and encourage them?
Relationship with Friends
- As a friend, do I love at all times and am I the kind of person who is born to help another person through adversity? (Proverbs 17:17)
- Am I sharpening and helping my friend’s growth in Christ?
- Am I speaking the truth in love? Am I critical or encouraging?
- Am I taking time out to nurture relationships and dig deep wells of relationships in the midst of busy work and life schedules?
- Am I being honest with what’s really going on inside of me?
- Am I a good roommate? Do I communicate honestly and from the heart on a regular basis with those I call friends?
- Am I looking for what I give in relationships or only what I can get?
Relationship with Myself
- Am I taking time for me?
- Am I stewarding well my physical body? Am I getting enough sleep, eating the right food, and exercising?
- Am I cultivating the intellectual side of my life?
- Am I living an unhurried life?
- Am I coming to accept God’s unconditional love and understanding of me when I fail?
- Am I learning to set clear boundaries for those people who have unrealistic expectations for my life?
- Have I discovered my primary spiritual gift and know clearly my strengths and weaknesses?
Enjoying the new format…
Published January 28, 2009 | I have just added the PCM (Pure Community Minsitries) blog to ScribeFire. That’s the blogging client that I like to use. It’s a plug-in for FireFox and works nicely.
Now to find some contributors and get this thing rolling!
John
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