A friend on Facebook updated their profile with this statement today.

Righteousness is believing the promises of God, being fully persuaded He’ll keep his word.

I was really taken aback by it. I had to go to Romans 4 and clear up my understanding!

Against all hope, Abraham in hope believed and so became the father ofmany nations, just as it had been said to him, “So shall your offspringbe.” Without weakening in his faith, he faced the fact that his body was as good as dead—since he was about a hundred years old—and that Sarah’s womb was also dead. Yet he did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had power to do what he had promised. This is why “it was credited to him as righteousness.” (Romans 4:18-22)

This really is an amazing thing. I’ll explain more later, but the remainder of this passage is even more amazing…

The words “it was credited to him” were written not for him alone, but also for us, to whom God will credit righteousness—for us who believe in him who raised Jesus our Lord from the dead. (Romans 4:23-24)

I’m sorry, did that just say that God will credit me with righteousness for my belief in Jesus Christ and his resurrection from the dead? Why yes, I believe it did!

If someone were to ask you, “What is the definition of righteousness?” How would you answer? Would it be something along the lines of, “Well, it is obeying God and doing what is ‘right’”? Perhaps you would more correctly say that righteousness is “being in a right standing with God.” That is still quite vague. How do you attain this right standing?

True to form, God’s word cuts to the heart of the issue. Righteousness is a result of our belief; our faith in Jesus Christ. Nothing more, nothing less.

It is living from this center that we can really see the change we so crave, including sexual purity. If our definition of righteousness is skewed, we can be certain that we will live out a works-centered religion that will not result in the changes we desire.

Here are a couple of other helpful verses that come to mind.

Colossians 2:20-23Hebrews 6:1-3

Brian and Darcy on the Couple’s Blog at XXXChurch.com just posted a bit of their story. It is really worth the read; both as a wife or a man struggling with porn addiction.

Thank you Brian and Darcy for being so open about what God has brought you through. Your courage is inspiring and your transparency will help a lot of people begin opening up about their own struggles.

2 Samuel 13 recounts the story of Amnon, the son of David. He fell in “love” with his half sister Tamar. Eventually, Amnon cornered Tamar in his house and raped her. He then tried to make it look like it was her fault, not his.

David found out about how Amnon had incestually raped his sister, but did nothing to discipline or confront Amnon. The passivity of David enraged his other son Absalom, who was Tamar’s full brother. Eventually, Absalom killed his half brother Amnon in revenge for raping his sister. This began a long chain of events that brought much bloodshed and pain into David’s family and the nation of Israel.

Why is it that David did nothing in response to Amnon’s sin? Some believe that it is because he had committed adultery with Bathsheba (see 2 Samuel 11). The shame of his own sinful behavior took his sense of moral authority away so that he felt unable to render discipline in his son’s situation without being a hypocrite.

Are you a father struggling with sexual sin? If so, you now have a new reason to seek help. You can be practically guaranteed that your children will be exposed to porn and pressured to have sex at some point. You want to have the moral authority to speak to them. Do not fall into the same trap that David did and render yourself impotent in the lives of your children.

If you find yourself in the place where you have a child facing pornography or sexual promiscuity, you don’t have to bow out because of your own struggle. Take the humble road. Admit your own faults to them. Don’t let your shame and sin prevent you from being a factor for good in your child’s life! Let them learn from your mistakes so they might be spared repeating them!

I was listening to Mere Christianity this morning, continuing my C. S. Lewis kick, and was amazed by one of the descriptions of the Christian life. Lewis first explained the difference between being created and begotten. That which is created is different from the creator. A statue created by a man is not like a man. Even if it is fashioned in the likeness of a man, it is not like him in essence. Stone is not flesh. That which is begotten, on the other hand, is like that from which it comes both in essence and likeness. There are some really deep implications of these concepts, but I am going to focus on one in particular.

Jesus is the only begotten of the Father (John 3:16). Lewis describes the entire life of the Christian as the process of being made into Christ’s likeness. Most of us have heard that before. What I had not heard before was another way of saying it: that we are being made from the created into the begotten. This is what it means to become “sons of God” (Gal. 3:26-27)

When we are born again, our human spirit becomes one with Christ. Jesus, by the Holy Spirit, takes up residence within our mortal bodies. In this way, our created human spirit is made into the begotten spirit of Christ and we become sons of God. That is the beginning; the foundation upon which the work of changing us from the created into the begotten begins. The remainder of our humanity remains a created thing that must be changed into a begotten thing. Our soul, the mind, will and emotions, are changed into Christ-likeness through the process of sanctification. Our physical bodies will follow suit at the resurrection of the dead when our mortal bodies will be changed into immortal just like the body Jesus now has was changed following his resurrection from the dead.

I threw out a lot of theology there. But there is a point. There is a lot of talk in Christian recovery circles about the whole notion of self-effort vs. grace. While we all agree that Christian recovery is an extension of the sanctification process, how it progresses is at times hotly debated. I would like to slightly reshape the debate using the concept of changing from a created thing into a begotten thing.

The soul cannot change itself into a begotten thing. The thoughts of the created mind, feelings of the created emotions, nor choices of the created will are of any value in the process at all. If they are to be changed they must be submitted to the only begotten, Jesus himself, so that he can do the work of changing them into his likeness. We cannot change ourselves into that likeness any more than Pinocchio could have made himself into a real boy (borrowing a little myth here). It is God’s effort, not our own, that makes this change possible.

When the whole concept of surrender is brought up in recovery, this is really the back of what is being said. We cannot change ourselves, we have to be changed. To that end, we can only surrender to the One who has the power to change us. Any effort should be expended as a means to surrender. Self-control, for instance, is a result of that surrender.

For brevity’s sake, here are a several relevant scripture references. Most are familiar passages, but take on new meaning in the context of being changed from created to begotten.

John 3:16John 15:1-8Romans 8:1-26Romans 12:1-2Galations 3:1-3Galations 5:16-25Philippians 1:3-6Titus 2:11-12

While reading the verse of the day as delivered to my Google Reader account,  a familiar verse showed up.

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. (1 John 1:9)

This verse is often quoted by folks struggling with sin, as it well should be. If we could not find any forgiveness, then we are in big, big trouble! Those of us who are or have been trapped by an addiction to porn know all-to-well the deep hole we have lived in and how much we need God’s help to climb out of it.

What struck me as I read the verse this time is the latter part, “…and purify us from all unrighteousness.” The focus when this verse is quoted is almost universally about forgiveness. But what about being purified from unrighteousness? Isn’t that what we really want? Forgiveness is an amazing thing, but being cleansed of the unrighteousness that brought about the state from which I need to be forgiven is more amazing still! So with this being one of the more familiar verses thrown around in church circles, why aren’t more people experiencing the purification that it promises?

I have worked in sexual integrity ministry for several years now. In both face-to-face and online venues I have been the recipient of many confessions of giving in to the lust of the flesh.

• “I slipped.”
• “I got online.”
• “I masturbated.”
• “I fill-in-the-blank.”

I’ve given confessions of this sort many times myself. I have usually let them leak out reluctantly from a place of shame. My preference would be to keep it silent, let it slide, sweep it under the rug or at the very least minimize it. And as such, these weak little confessions are what I divulge. This, I believe, is the crux of why the purification promised in this scripture is missing.

It seems to me that if anything meaningful is to happen in response to my confession that the confession itself must be meaningful. The easy way out for some is to be overly explicit in describing how they acted out. While this may sound deep to the listener, it can often be an avenue of exhibitionism. Worse still, it may assuage the conscience of the confessor, but not result in any lasting change either. I can describe the mechanics of porn, actions and behaviors without ever really opening my heart up for inspection. And that is what confession is all about.

A quick word-study of the word “confession”, homologeo in Greek, shows it is defined as, “to say the same thing as another.” None of the tiny utterances mentioned above come close to saying the same thing about sexual sin as God does in his word. Taking this view is painful, and extremely necessary if we are to experience the purification from the unrighteousness that got us in this mess in the first place. It is another case of short-term pain for long-term gain!

There is obviously much more to say on this topic, but I will stop here for now.

Tonight I was reading through chapter seven of “Grace Walk” by Steve McVey. We are going through it in my church small group. While I was reading the chapter, I highlighted a couple of sections that are worth sharing and commenting on.

Christians who are not abiding in Him [Christ] are walking in a state of continuous sin, regardless of their actions.

Christians, myself included, have the tendency to gauge our spiritual success based upon our feelings and outward appearances. If we are not overtly engaging in sinful behavior then we feel good about our spiritual condition, regardless of whether we are trusting and abiding in Christ or not. However, this is short-sighted and does not describe sin as the New Testament characterizes it. The biblical definition of sin extends far beyond behavior and even thought patterns. It very simply is the condition of living with a broken relationship with God.

Jesus assures us in John 15:5 that, “apart from me you can do nothing.” Yet we strive to keep ourselves from sinning day after day, having no real fellowship with Jesus. This is a guaranteed recipe for failure. We have cut ourselves off from the only source of power to do anything as a Christian – Christ Himself. This is a state of sin no matter what we do.

So what does it look like to abide in Christ? Very simply put, it is to live by faith in Christ. Many references in the New Testament affirm that trusting in Jesus is the only way to live a righteous life. This isn’t just trusting Him for salvation in the sweet by and by. Much more, this is trusting Christ for the resources to overcome temptation and experience the abundance that Jesus said he came to deliver (John 10:10). It is maintaining our relationship with him, not merely doing things for him.

Validating McVey’s point in the quote above, Paul taught that “…everything that does not come from faith is sin.” (Rom. 14:23) If we are not approaching life’s decisions and temptations from a place of trust in Christ and our relationship with him, then we are walking in a state of continuous sin, regardless of our behavior.

I have made the additional mistake of viewing the Christian life as a car battery that must continuously be charged to keep my spiritual motor running. This is not to discount the importance of spiritual disciplines. However, as stated previously, if those disciplines are not an overflow or in maintenance of a trusting relationship with Christ, they are of little value.

McVey put it this way…

I’ll never think of getting my spiritual battery charged again. When we abide in Christ, it is like turning a switch into the “on” position and allowing the full power of Jesus Christ to flow through us. When we choose to rest in His life, we experience victory. When we choose not to abide, we flip the switch to the “off” position and we fail.

So what does any of this have to do with sexual purity? Well, I’m glad you asked!

God does not hide his face from us when we have slipped up. Having a few weeks or months of behavioral purity under our belts doesn’t mean that we are any more acceptable to God. We can turn to him at any time because of Jesus. That is what the cross is all about! We don’t do so because of our deep shame, but that is a topic for another post!

The bottom-line is this: if we have a long stretch of sexual purity behind us and yet we are not abiding in Christ, it is only a matter of time before our continuous state of sin (broken fellowship with God) expresses itself in specific sinful behavior. For those like me whose flesh has a bent toward sexual sin, that is the likely candidate.

By contrast, even if we have been recently sexually acting out, we can repent and turn to Christ. We can receive his grace afresh and allow his love that has never changed to begin changing us once more.

I also want to make this last point: I am not talking about losing our salvation. Rather, I am talking about those who have trusted Christ for salvation cutting themselves off from the process of sanctification by breaking fellowship. Fortunately for us, God has promised never to break fellowship with us because of Christ! We can return to him and pick that relationship back up at any time.

Remember, O LORD, your great mercy and love, for they are from of old. Remember not the sins of my youth and my rebellious ways; according to your love remember me, for you are good, O LORD.Psalm 25:6-7

I have recently been painfully reminded of some of the sins of my youth. You see, my wife and I were not pure before marriage. Even years later, I am realizing that there are negative consequences in our relationship. Foundations that should have been laid and wrong expectations that should have been worked through during our dating and engagement are still shaky. We still have conflict around these issues. These problems are exacerbated by my own sexual escapades before becoming a Christian. They greatly skewed my perspective on sex and my mind is still in desperate need of renewal.

I came across this scripture passage today and received some of the comfort that my heart needs. God is merciful and loves us. In Christ, God the Father has forgotten the sins of our past. I need to be reminded of this from time-to-time so that I can walk in my new identity in Christ and not in shame from the sins of my youth.

In the video below, Chip Ingram shares three fundamental lies and the contrasting biblical truth about love and sex. He references a study guide which can be found here.

One of the most interesting parts of the video are the interviews at the very beginning. Many (most?) young people today have a very low view of sex. Rather than something sacred, too often these days sex is merely a pleasurable experience. God designed it to be so much more…

Here are the three lies as Chip lists them. It is important to note that these statements are made regarding sex outside of a healthy marriage.

Lie 1: Sex is necessary to keep a growing relationship. Truth: Once sex enters into a relationship, it almost always disintegrates instead of getting better.

Lie 2: If we really love each other, sex is sanctified. Truth: Sex is sanctified only inside the union of biblical marriage.

Lie 3: Having sex is a rite of passage. Truth: With every sexual encounter you diminish the possibility and capacity to experience true intimacy.

I was just shown a very good article about sexual addiction in the March 2008 edition of Christianity Today entitled, “Help for the Sexually Desperate“. The author does a very good job of describing the issue.

Here are some of the sub-sections from the article with my abstraction:Beyond LustAnswers the question, “What exactly is sexual addiction?”

Disease or Sin?How should Christians look at the issue? Is it sin that must be repented of or a disease that must be treated?Internet Accelerates AddictionClassical definitions of sexual addiction involved backgrounds of abuse. The internet changes all that.

Confession WorksGetting the details of compulsive sexual behavior out in the open is critical for healing.

Stigma LingersThe church needs to wake up to this problem sitting in the pews.

Integrity DailyFrequent accountability and confession regarding lust is an essential component of healing.

Opportunity AwaitsThe largest audiences for online pornography are teenagers and young adults. For this reason, some believe that the problem of sexual addiction will continue to mushroom.

I strongly recommend reading the article in its entirety.

This is from the most recent e-Newsletter from Jayson Graves and Healing for the Soul.

Wouldn’t it be nice if we could just pray a prayer to have God press some magic button in the sky and all our troubles would be taken care of? In fact, have you ever seen the recent “Easy button” commercials on TV? My favorite one is the ancient Asian warrior sitting on his horse with an army charging hard at him. As the army gets closer and closer he sits calmly on his horse with an ornate little wooden box on his lap. Just as the army is about to reach him, he opens the box and a red button with the word “Easy” on it is revealed. He presses this easy button and all of a sudden, a wall comes up out of the ground…but the wall comes up behind him! 

Magic Button vs. a ProcessI think this is part of the reason God doesn’t use magic buttons: in our humanity, we’d probably find a way to mess things up. But more importantly, as I’ve found in my own journey of reaching out to God for help, He likes to use a process to help us grow. Why? Well, God is a relational God. He’s a God who chooses to walk with us through a problem rather than just zap it away. This is how he gets Glory-by making his strength perfect in our weaknesses and then using that glory to draw people unto himself, just like he used his glory to draw you and me to him when we were saved.

Healing-Body, Mind & SpiritSo, we have a choice: continue with our magical thinking, praying that all too familiar prayer that sounds something like “God, will you please take this issue away from me?” or choosing to partner with him in the healing process. What do I mean by partnering? Well, prayer is important, but it’s not the only resource God gives us for the healing journey. Yes, it’s important to prayerfully ask God each day to partner with us at the beginning of the day and prayerfully thank him for how he did help us each day at the end. But the bible says we’re created with more than just a spirit so we need more than just spiritual answers. We are to ‘be sanctified body, mind and spirit” as it says in first Thessalonians 5:23.

Accepting that biblical reality can be the first step towards a more holistic healing-a healing that’s characterized by solutions for the body, for the mind and heart as well as for the spirit. We can begin to explore and realize the positive benefits of things like physical exercise and appropriate physical affirmation like hugs from friends. We can learn about and employ techniques for controlling our mind and caring for our feelings and emotions. In this way, we’re not only experiencing fullness in life which lends to a better context for healing but we’re honoring the way that God created us:

Connecting your lifeNow it’s important that we get some support and accountability in this process so connecting with a therapist and a group can only help the partnership. A therapist can be God’s vessel of healing in helping to expose things like unhealthy life patterns, family issues and flawed coping methods and function as an advocate or guide, giving us perspective, objectivity and feedback as well as ideas and things to try. 

A good group where people are committed to showing up, being real by putting their cards on the table and telling each other the truth in love is also part of the partnership God uses. In his book “Healing Is A Choice,” my friend Steve Arterburn identifies one of the key healing choices we can make as the choice to connect our life. Connecting with others is like letting God use people as “Jesus with skin on” in our lives. So, don’t be afraid: put your life in the light and see what God can do! In James 5:16 He promises us that when we confess our sins to each other, we’re healed. We need him for forgiveness and we need the people he sends us for healing.

Well, I trust this helps you and brings you hope! Remember, partnering with God in the healing process involves abandoning magical ways of thinking, dealing with our struggles body, mind and spirit and connecting with others in accountability for help. So get real and get plugged-in and don’t forget: If thousands of people in recovery like me can live in victory with God’s help and the help of other warriors, so can you, my friend!

If you are are interested in getting into a sex addiction recovery group, we have a partnership with Jayson Graves and Healing for the Soul to offer telephone-based recovery groups. Be sure to check them out and get the help you need!