Is the voluntary abstaining from sexual activity for the married couple biblical?

Most husbands when told about a sexual fast are not excited at the idea. It might sound like punishment for their sexual sins. Some who are familiar with the Bible might ask about 1 Corinthians chapter 7. They might (with support from a spiritual leader such as a pastor) site 1 Cor. 7 as the proof that a voluntary sexual fast is unbiblical so let’s look at that verse:

1 Cor. 7:1-5

“Now for the matters you wrote about: It is good for a man not to marry. But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband. The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.” NIV

The male sex addict thinks something like this “well that is very clear, the Bible teaches that my wife should give me sex so I won’t fall into temptation”. His logical conclusion is if his wife isn’t giving him sex then it’s partially her fault if he falls into temptation and succumb to his addiction. Many wives are thus given a guilt trip about not giving their husbands enough sex.

The problem with that logic is that it doesn’t place the verse in it’s rightful context and it’s a great example of blame shifting. Paul is not addressing sexual addiction with this passage. He is talking about a normal marriage, a non-addicted marriage. In the context of the verse it is normal for a typical man to feel tempted and that temptation is manageable when the man and his wife are regularly intimate. So Paul concludes that its better that these Corinthian believers marry and have regular sexual relations with their spouse than to continually fight with temptation. For these people there was even confusion about whether sex was moral or if even marriage was proper. Paul acknowledges that marriage is good and sex within marriage is encouraged.

The problem with a male sex addict is that he has made sex too important, he is using sex to numb pain, numb uncomfortable emotional pain, numb poor self image and even numb feelings of being a pervert or a loser. If a male sex addict feels threatened or stressed he will immediately turn to lust. Lust in the past comforted him. Lust was a chemical release that changed his moods and even helped him to sleep. For the sex addict lust has become a little “god” in his life. The sex addict has surrendered his ability to fight back on his own. He is too weak now to deny the “urge” when it hits him. He has become a slave to the chemicals in his brain that are released when he is sexually aroused and when he climaxes. Those chemicals rush through his brain comforting him and helping him to relax but they are quickly followed up with feelings of shame, guilt, anger, rage, helplessness and being controlled & manipulated. Not to mention that sexual addiction (generally speaking as in all sin) is basically deep-seated selfishness. As one sex addict commented, “I’m not much but I’m all I think about”.

Lust as a “god” demands payment. The sex addict gives that payment by giving his body, his dignity, his moral standards and possibly his job and his marriage. Lust is a horrible “god” taking and seldom giving back. “Lust” as one man revealed “is never satisfied it is like the grave”. Thus most sex addicts feel like complete idiots for investing so much time and energy into something that never satisfies. One man revealed he felt that being a sex addict is a little like someone being repeatedly raped only to find out that you are raping yourself. You are being abused and you are the abuser. The way to get rid of that feeling is to lust more and then a vicious cycle starts where the only way to stop is to do it again and again and again…a insane life style if there ever was one.

I hope you will join us in wishing the Savior of the world, the Lord Jesus Christ a very happy birthday!

In the midst of all the gifts and giving, remember the greatest gift of all!

The appearance of Jesus changed everything – He changed history, He changed my life, and He can change yours too!

For the grace of God has appeared that offers salvation to all people. It teaches us to say “No” to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age, while we wait for the blessed hope – the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ, who gave himself for us to redeem us from all wickedness and to purify for himself a people that are his very own, eager to do what is good.

- Titus 2:11-14

In the book, “The Divine Conspiracy” by Dallas Willard, the author goes into great detail to describe what he believes to be a primary reason Christians in general do not live the way Jesus asks them to. In a word, the reason is intention – they do not intend to do so.

This was a startling pronouncement to me. I have struggled with a lot of sins, and even the compulsive/habitual sin of an addiction to pornography. It is a hard thing to hear that I was not walking in obedience to the purity asked by Jesus because I did not intend to do so.

The gateway to intention is decision – choosing that I want to walk in obedience, and then walking out that decision. I believe that each individual decision of obedience is actually preceded by a decision to be obedient to Jesus in any of his commands carte blanche. Once we have surrendered to Jesus as Lord, and not just Savior (as if there actually were such a thing) the practical outworking is progressive growth of our obedience to him.

As I mused about this concept, I considered whether, when I was frequently giving into lustful behavior, if I had made a decision to surrender my members to Jesus (Rom. 6:12-14). Without sounding crass or rude, there is a particular part of my anatomy I am not sure I had ever chosen to surrender to Jesus. It sounds somewhat ridiculous on the surface to do so. However, I think that is precisely what the aforementioned verses are describing.

Choosing to surrender my entire self: body, soul and spirit, to Jesus Christ is a tall order. The ramifications of that decision will take a lifetime to realize – and even beyond life when I join Jesus in the Kingdom of Heaven. But, I do not want to continue in willful sin because I have not chosen to allow Jesus into a part of my life. Rather, I want to give him an all-access pass to my entire being, so that my intentions and decisions will line up with the grace and truth found only in him. As Christ, by grace, shines truth upon my heart, I want to always respond to him with a resounding yes – even when it hurts.

Here are the results of a search for the term “addict” in The Message translation of The Bible.

http://www.biblegateway.com/keyword/?search=addict&version1=65&searchtype=all&limit=none&wholewordsonly=no

Lots of food for thought!

This weekend, we remember the most remarkable event in human history. The birth of Christ began the chain of events. But, it was his resurrection from the dead that was the culmination. In that single event, he became the first man born into this world to take on a heavenly, resurrected body. This is so incredibly important for us as Christians. Our physical bodies, corrupted by sin and the fall, will one day be transformed into spiritual bodies just like the one that Jesus Christ now has!

The implications of the resurrection of Christ extend far beyond that. But for those of us who have experienced the pain of being trapped by sin that is in this cursed flesh, it is an amazing hope to be clung to. The following passage from Romans is my meditation this Easter.

Happy Easter everyone!

What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase? By no means! We died to sin; how can we live in it any longer? Or don’t you know that all of us who were baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life.

If we have been united with him like this in his death, we will certainly also be united with him in his resurrection. For we know that our old self was crucified with him so that the body of sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves to sin – because anyone who has died has been freed from sin.

Now if we died with Christ, we believe that we will also live with him. For we know that since Christ was raised from the dead, he cannot die again; death no longer has mastery over him. The death he died, he died to sin once for all; but the life he lives, he lives to God.

In the same way, count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus. Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body so that you obey its evil desires. Do not offer the parts of your body to sin, as instruments of wickedness, but rather offer yourselves to God, as those who have been brought from death to life; and offer the parts of your body to him as instruments of righteousness. For sin shall not be your master, because you are not under law, but under grace.

Romans 6:1-14