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A sexual fast is biblical because sex as an idol must be torn down.
A sexual fast is biblical because it helps remove sex or lust from being an idol. What does the Bible say about idols in our lives? It says over and over again that we are to bow down only to God himself, no one else.
“For of this you can be sure: No immoral, impure or greedy person – such a man is an idolater – has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God.”
Ephesians 5:5
In this passage the bible equates someone who is immoral with someone who is an idolater. The Bible calls the immoral man also guilty of idolatry. 1 Thess. 1:9 says that we are to turn from idols to serve the loving God. All throughout the Old Testament God commands his people to not get ensnared into idol worship and to tear down the idols.
A great illustration of this is the great revival of King Josiah found in 2 Kings 23. King Josiah basically got his heart right with God and began to tear down the symbols of idol worship in the land. Those symbols were called Asherah poles. This was the name of a sensual Canaanite goddess Astarte, the feminine of the Assyrian Ishtar. Its symbol was the stem of a tree deprived of its boughs, and rudely shaped into an image, and planted in the ground. (Easton’s 1897 Bible Dictionary from “BibleGateway.com”) Josiah rightly knew he had to tear down any idol or it would be a snare to the people. Why is a sexual fast biblical? Because since lust and sex has become the idol then that idol must be torn down. Just like a drug addict must give up his drug so must the sex addict give up the idol of lust.
Possible Consequences
Don’t misunderstand the consequences of a man tearing down the idol of porn and masturbation. While each person is different for myself the thought of giving up my right to porn and masturbation was one of the most difficult issues I’ve ever faced. The pain of withdrawal drove me to anger, irritability, rage and physical symptoms such as my hands shaking. A man honestly dealing with his sexual addiction is a brave man in my mind. He may go through horrible withdrawals emotionally and physically the journey to sobriety is hellish with no exaggeration.
I have been impressed with a thought recently…
Porn Is Not An Option
This thought has been coming back to me again and again. I shared it with a struggling friend who asked if I meant restricting access to porn through filters and so forth. While that certainly fits with this phrase, it falls short of the meaning in my heart.
A marriage ministry in my area is well-known for saying “divorce is not an option.” They recommend couples take divorce off of the table. Whatever issues they are facing, whatever conflict they are going through, divorce should be completely and mutually taken off the table as a viable option. This frees them to focus on the issues at hand, rather than ultimatums regarding the marriage itself. They go on to say that as long as divorce is on the table, every other issue on the table is shrouded in its shadow. Taking divorce off of the table allows all of the other issues to be worked on without the fear of the D word – the ultimate escape hatch.
The P word has been an escape hatch for me – a parachute of sorts. When I feel like the bottom has dropped out of my life, I can just pull the chute and up pops my savior, lowering me gently to the ground. The problem is the parachute falls down around me and offers no support once I am back on earth – where my real problems live! It was a great ride, but leaves me with nothing more than a temporary rush. It is the ultimate non-solution.
“Porn is not an option” means that for me, as a follower of Jesus Christ, pornography is simply not an option for me. I have taken it off the table as a viable alternative. As long as porn is an option for me, evidenced by the fact that I would use it frequently or infrequently, all of the other issues are shrouded by it. It colors everything – my perspective on God, his goodness, the care of others and the important issues in my life.
What does it take to come to the place where porn is not an option?
Is rape an option? Is robbing banks an option? What about murder? Am I suggesting that porn is on par with these? No. But, I am suggesting that until we categorize pornography as a personal, moral issue against which we have taken a firm stance, we probably will continue using it. It is still an option. Regardless of the consequences, the temporary lift it may bring is worth it. There are plenty of things in our lives that we have decided are not options for us. Pornography has to join the ranks of those things against which we have taken a personal stand.
Will you join me? Will you take a stand that whatever it takes, I will get to the place where porn is not an option? When the temptation hits and access is available, I have to choose something else – something greater than porn. I choose differently because porn is not an option!
2 CommentsIn this screen-cast, we answer the questions:
- How big is the porn problem?
- What is porn addiction?
- What is the cycle of addiction?
- What is the way out?
We hope it will be helpful to you in your journey to walk in purity.
Leave a commentCarry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.
- Galations 6:2
Helping others. It is a very rewarding experience. When we enter a healing journey from habitual sin such as sex addiction, it feels good to lend a helping hand to another in need of support. When we have been struggling, it sometimes feels very natural to help others who are struggling too. It is a welcome distraction to the difficulty of resisting temptation. Scripture even directs us that “Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.” (Philippians 2:4) As virtuous as it may seem to reach out to help fellow strugglers, we must hold to the whole counsel of scripture.
Jesus included this very topic, showing loving support to others, in what He described as the second greatest commandment in the entire Bible: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.” (Matthew 22:37-40)
Amazingly, Jesus said that we have to love ourselves as well. Loving others and loving ourselves are inextricably linked. For some reason, the thought of helping another person can be a lot easier than reaching out for help ourselves. In order to “carry each other’s burdens” we have to be willing to let others carry our burdens as well. There is a mutual give-and-take implied in these scriptures. If we try to support others, yet do not seek support for ourselves, we are not fulfilling the law of Christ. We are in fact in violation of it.
Another passage which supports this principle is found in Hebrews.
See to it, brothers, that none of you has a sinful, unbelieving heart that turns away from the living God. But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness.
- Hebrews 3:12-13
Before moving on to the practical application given in these verses, it is important to point out the consequence of not experiencing mutual encouragement – our hearts become hardened by sin’s deceitfulness. More importantly, this verse answers an important question. How long does it take for the heart to become hardened? Only one day! The shelf-life for a soft heart is twenty four hours! For this reason we are clearly instructed to encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today.
Fortunately, the author of Hebrews gave us four clear areas where we can give and receive encouragement. Three refer directly to the state of our hearts: a sinful heart, an unbelieving heart, and a heart that turns away from the living God. Lastly, we are cautioned to not be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness. Let’s look at these four areas a little more closely.
1. A sinful heart
In our contemporary Christian culture, when someone struggling with a particular sin reaches out to the church for help, they are all-to-often instructed to read the Bible, pray, attend church, and the list goes on. Notice that this is not what the Bible recommends as the answer to a sinful heart. Seeing that none of us has a sinful heart does not primarily involve discipline, but encouragement!
We need to encourage each other when we struggle with sin. This requires honest and courageous confession with another Christians. In doing so, we experience first-hand the incredible power of James 5:16 which states that we should “confess our sins one to another and pray for each other that we may be healed.”
2. An unbelieving heart
We all struggle with unbelief from time-to-time. The circumstances of life can be incredibly discouraging. We need to daily give and receive encouragement which bolsters our faith. This is best done by sharing the word of God with fellow Christians. In doing so, we experience Romans 10:17 which tells us that “faith comes by hearing…the word of God.”
When we share insights from scripture with each other, our faith becomes stronger.
3. A heart that turns away from the living God.
This is a question of worship. It is not whether we will worship, but rather what will we worship. We either will worship the living God with our hearts, or turn away to other false gods. Those of us at The Purity Report have an obvious god that we have habitually worshiped sex.
When we confess our sins with other Christians and deal with our unbelief through sharing scripture together, it is not a difficult next step to encourage one another to turn to God today instead of turning away from Him. No matter what circumstances we are facing today, we can be encouraged that we can do all things through Christ and we can cast all of our anxieties upon Him because He cares for us! (Philippians 4:13, 1 Peter 5:7)
4. A heart hardened by sin’s deceitfulness
We all have blind spots. We all have thought patterns and perhaps behave in sinful ways that we may be completely unaware of. Sin and the flesh can be very deceptive. As we develop the daily habit of mutual encouragement, we have the opportunity to apply tough love and help each other to see our blind spots. This should, of course, be done with an attitude of compassion and with sensitivity. When we take the courage to carefully point out areas where we all can improve, the true maturity of our relationships are revealed. Are we willing to trust each other enough to give and receive constructive criticism when necessary or do we become defensive and allow shame to do the talking? We must remember that “Wounds from a friend can be trusted.” (Proverbs 27:6)
Here is a quick synopsis:
- To fulfill the law of Christ, encouragement must be a give and take
- I must both give and receive encouragement daily to avoid a hardened heart
- Daily we should mutually
a. Confess our sins to each other
b. Strengthen each others faith through scripture
c. Point each other to God as the object of our worship and affection
d. Carefully reveal any blind spots that may contribute to a hardened heart
2 CommentsStrategies for Fighting Lust
by John Piper
I have in mind men and women. For men it’s obvious. The need for warfare against the bombardment of visual temptation to fixate on sexual images is urgent. For women it is less obvious, but just as great if we broaden the scope of temptation to food or figure or relational fantasies. When I say “lust” I mean the realm of thought, imagination, and desire that leads to sexual misconduct. So here is one set of strategies in the war against wrong desires. I put it in the form of an acronym, A N T H E M.
A – AVOID as much as is possible and reasonable the sights and situations that arouse unfitting desire. I say “possible and reasonable” because some exposure to temptation is inevitable. And I say “unfitting desire” because not all desires for sex, food, and family are bad. We know when they are unfitting and unhelpful and on their way to becoming enslaving. We know our weaknesses and what triggers them. “Avoiding” is a Biblical strategy. “Flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness” (2 Timothy 2:22). “Make no provision for the flesh, to gratify its desires” (Romans 13:14).
N – Say NO to every lustful thought within five seconds. And say it with the authority of Jesus Christ. “In the name of Jesus, NO!” You don’t have much more than five seconds. Give it more unopposed time than that, and it will lodge itself with such force as to be almost immovable. Say it out loud if you dare. Be tough and warlike. As John Owen said, “Be killing sin or it will be killing you.” Strike fast and strike hard. “Resist the devil, and he will flee from you” ( James 4:7).
T – TURN the mind forcefully toward Christ as a superior satisfaction. Saying “no” will not suffice. You must move from defense to offense. Fight fire with fire. Attack the promises of sin with the promises of Christ. The Bible calls lusts “deceitful desires” (Ephesians 4:22). They lie. They promise more than they can deliver. The Bible calls them “passions of your former ignorance” (1 Peter 1:14). Only fools yield. “All at once he follows her, as an ox goes to the slaughter” (Proverbs 7:22). Deceit is defeated by truth. Ignorance is defeated by knowledge. It must be glorious truth and beautiful knowledge. This is why I wrote Seeing and Savoring Jesus Christ. We must stock our minds with the superior promises and pleasures of Jesus. Then we must turn to them immediately after saying, “NO!”
H – HOLD the promise and the pleasure of Christ firmly in your mind until it pushes the other images out. “Fix your eyes on Jesus” (Hebrews 3:1). Here is where many fail. They give in too soon. They say, “I tried to push it out, and it didn’t work.” I ask, “How long did you try?” How hard did you exert your mind? The mind is a muscle. You can flex it with vehemence. Take the kingdom violently (Matthew 11:12). Be brutal. Hold the promise of Christ before your eyes. Hold it. Hold it! Don’t let it go! Keep holding it! How long? As long as it takes. Fight! For Christ’s sake, fight till you win! If an electric garage door were about to crush your child you would hold it up with all our might and holler for help, and hold it and hold it and hold it and hold it.
E – ENJOY a superior satisfaction. Cultivate the capacities for pleasure in Christ. One reason lust reigns in so many is that Christ has so little appeal. We default to deceit because we have little delight in Christ. Don’t say, “That’s just not me.” What steps have you taken to waken affection for Jesus? Have you fought for joy? Don’t be fatalistic. You were created to treasure Christ with all your heart – more than you treasure sex or sugar. If you have little taste for Jesus, competing pleasures will triumph. Plead with God for the satisfaction you don’t have: “Satisfy us in the morning with your steadfast love, that we may rejoice and be glad all our days” (Psalm 90:14). Then look, look, look at the most magnificent Person in the universe until you see him the way he is.
M – MOVE into a useful activity away from idleness and other vulnerable behaviors. Lust grows fast in the garden of leisure. Find a good work to do, and do it with all your might. “Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord” (Romans 12:11). “Be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord” (1 Corinthians 15:58). Abound in work. Get up and do something. Sweep a room. Hammer a nail. Write a letter. Fix a faucet. And do it for Jesus’ sake. You were made to manage and create. Christ died to make you “zealous for good deeds” (Titus 2:14). Displace deceitful lusts with a passion for good deeds.
Fighting at your side,
Pastor John
Reproduced with the permission of Desiring God Ministries
We are excited to announce a new outreach of The Purity Report.
It is very sensitive for pastors to talk about struggling with pornography or other sexual integrity issues. We provide private, pastors-only forums which allow confidential use of our accountability framework.
The Purity Report offers a powerful way for pastors to begin talking about their struggles with other pastors in a safe environment.
Email us at info@purityreport.com for more information.
Leave a commentDr. Dallas Willard recently posted a very compelling article on his website about pornography and spiritual formation. True to form, his words do not merely impart information, but impel action and give practical application.
He uses his “VIM” model as a framework to understand the nature of pornography use and how to stop through devotion to Christ.
VIM stands for Vision, Intention and Means. Use of pornography represents a wrong vision of God and His creation (ourselves and the objects of pornography), which drives our intention to use pornography and gratify ourselves sexually, which leads to pursuing the means to act out those intentions. Replacing each element of VIM with a new vision, intention and means is laid out as a way to achieve freedom.
It really is an interesting read. Check it out here…
Leave a commentOne thing that I have heard before that wasn’t encouraging to me at the time, but looking back I understand…
Once we act out, we find it easy to redouble our efforts. Like any appetite, once we feed it, it is quelled for a time. This is true of our sexual appetite. When we indulge ourselves, the sexual hunger is satiated and doesn’t bother us for a time. It could be a few days or even a few weeks or months. Our efforts to avoid temptations and maybe avert our attention from objects of temptation come easy for a time after acting out.
It isn’t easy when the siren’s call to dash ourselves on the rocks grows from a whisper to a shout. The hardest part of recovery is growing to the point where we are able to withstand temptation when the hunger hasn’t been fulfilled.
We have to remember that the thing we actually hunger isn’t sex, but intimacy, connection and pleasure. The false intimacy and connection of pornography, and the fleeting pleasure of masturbation always leave us flat. And like any appetite, it only grows as we indulge it.
Like I said, that is tough and may not sound encouraging right now, but I felt that it would be helpful to you in the long run. Stay strong and use the time when the temptation is low to build real intimacy, connection and healthy sources of pleasure into your life. That is the best way to combat the temptation to come.
If you don’t have face-to-face friendships with others who can encourage you, start out by joining our forums for strugglers at The Purity Report. It is a safe environment to begin talking about your temptations in a structured way and receive prayer and encouragement.
Leave a commentWe became entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
You’re blessed when you get your inside world–your mind and heart–put right. Then you can see God in the outside world.
Matthew 5:8 The Message
“No matter what we do or where we hide, we can’t escape our essential design. We long to be free of shame’s restraints, immersed in the passion of giving and receiving. We long to live a sacrificial life that matters today and tomorrow.”
- Dan Allender Ph D
It is a good idea for us to review our Step Four inventory along with our sponsor or counselor. When doing this review with an open mind and heart, we can begin to see how difficult emotions can be triggers for our addictions. While emotions can be our triggers, our character defects are the building blocks of addiction, and our self-centeredness is the cement which holds our addictive nature together. We will never find the freedom to recover and live well until we remove all of these addictive components from within us.
In reviewing our inventory, we can see how our character defects began innocently when we were children. They were our means of survival. We learned to manipulate to get our needs met. We lied to protect ourselves. We hid our emotions to avoid embarrassment and shame. We rationalized things in order to escape ugly realities that were too much for us to bear alone. Our character defects are really ineffective tools for coping and control. They are our methods of minimizing pain and diffusing threats that we see coming our way. Without realizing it, our character defects have become a kind of strategy to care for ourselves when are afraid that no one else will.
We may feel afraid when we think of losing our defective coping mechanisms. After all, we have, at least to some degree, subconsciously thought that our character defects were important for us to survive. Thinking this way, we will subconsciously mourn the thought of having our character defects removed from us. Because letting go of our character defects can be painful, it is important that we lean on those who have been working at recovery longer than we have. Those who have more experience will understand our pain and fear. Fearing the loss of a coping mechanism is understandable, but it is essential for us to grieve these losses without complaint so that we can effectively move on down the path of recovery.
Exercising courage makes it possible to learn new and healthy ways to live our lives without resorting to the addictions that we have relied on in the past. With courage, we trade our destructive emotions and addictions for the simple gift of gratitude. Gratitude posts a guard at the door of our hearts, which is to be accessed only by God and those whom He allows. Gratitude will help us to be thankful for life as it is, not how we wish it or expect it to be. Today and every day, we stand at a crossroad. But we don’t stand alone. Our recovery fellowship stands with us. Even better, the Source of all power, God, has joined the battle for us to live a new way, to become new people, to be free.
Insights and Inspirations for Christian Twelve Step Recovery?
By David Zailer and The Men and Women of Operation Integrity
Chapter Six Segment Five
Copyright David Zailer, 2008
Operation Integrity
24040 Camino del Avion #A115
Monarch Beach CA 92629
1-800-762-0430
operationintegrity@cox.net
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The Purity Bytes Podcast (on iTunes)
Byte-sized chunks of wisdom about sexual purity…
Episode 7: Overcoming Temptation
So what do we do about temptation?
In this episode, we talk about temptation – where it really comes from and how to overcome it.
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