From Shame to Grace
We humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
For God can use sorrow in our lives to help us turn away from sin and seek salvation. We will never regret that kind of sorrow. But sorrow without repentance is the kind that results in death. 2 Corinthians 7:10, NLT
“We can accept God’s good gifts too easily. Grace can be accepted only when we face our own inabilities. Forgiveness can be embraced only when we lay bare our wrongdoing, and hope can be imparted only when we face the reality of our own despair.” – Charles Ringma
Humility is an awareness that we are both imperfect and worthwhile at the same time. Humility is a high ground that traverses the bogs and swamps of grandiosity and self-hatred. Humility chooses to follow God’s plan over our own. When we live humbly, which we can be defined as consistently choosing God’s way of doing things over our own way of doing things, impossibly good things begin to happen to otherwise impossible people like us. We get turned inside out. Our attitude begins to change. Our outlook on life becomes healthier and more balanced. The destructive feelings we have had for ourselves will diminish. We will begin to see things differently. As we change on the inside, things around us begin to change as well. Life and the way we live it begin to make sense.
Humility is an acceptance of ourselves, sin and all. Humility helps us to see ourselves with one eye to evaluate and the other eye to appreciate. Humility admits to shortcoming and wrongdoing, then it reaches out and accepts the help that is needed to make serious changes. Humility helps us to understand the problems that we cannot solve on our own. This is why Jesus becomes increasingly important to us in our recovery. For you see, God never expects us to solve all of our problems on our own. He understands that our character defects and our addictions are beyond our ability to change. So, God offers to do for us what we can never do for ourselves. He offers to transform us by taking our character defects and, in exchange, replacing them with the character of Jesus. All we have to do to is to give up our character defects to Him and humbly receive Jesus’ character as God, according to His plan, builds it in us.
Insights and Inspirations for Christian Twelve Step Recovery
By David Zailer and The Men and Women of Operation Integrity
Chapter Seven Segment One
Copyright David Zailer, 2008
Operation Integrity
24040 Camino del Avion #A115
Monarch Beach CA 92629
1-800-762-0430
operationintegrity@cox.net
License for Immorality
I was really challenged reading Lazaroo today…
“They are godless men, who change the grace of our God into a license for immorality…”
(Jude 1:4)This is a dangerous trap, Jesus –
and not just for “godless men.”
It’s a lethal trap Satan keeps setting for me.
How many times have I done what I know I shouldn’t do
telling myself that after I’ve dabbled in them a little while…
all I have to do is tell You, “I’m sorry”“knowing” You’ll immediately wipe my sins from Your record
because – after all – You’ve promised to forgive me if I ask You to –
haven’t You?
Or…
is there a difference in merely saying the words…
and being truly sorry?
I don’t have to ask that.
I know the answer.
You look straight into my heart.
You know when I’m truly sorry –
desperately desiring never to commit that sin again
and when all I want
is a free pass.
Carry Each Other’s Burdens
Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.
- Galations 6:2
Helping others. It is a very rewarding experience. When we enter a healing journey from habitual sin such as sex addiction, it feels good to lend a helping hand to another in need of support. When we have been struggling, it sometimes feels very natural to help others who are struggling too. It is a welcome distraction to the difficulty of resisting temptation. Scripture even directs us that “Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.” (Philippians 2:4) As virtuous as it may seem to reach out to help fellow strugglers, we must hold to the whole counsel of scripture.
Jesus included this very topic, showing loving support to others, in what He described as the second greatest commandment in the entire Bible: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.” (Matthew 22:37-40)
Amazingly, Jesus said that we have to love ourselves. Loving others and loving ourselves are inextricably linked. Paul confirms this in Gal. 6:2 and Php. 2:4 when he wrote that we should “carry each other’s burdens” and “look…to your own interests”. For some reason, the thought of helping another person can be a lot easier than reaching out for help ourselves. In order to “carry each other’s burdens” we have to be willing to let others carry our burdens as well. There is a mutual give-and-take implied in these scriptures. If we try to help others, yet do not seek help for ourselves, we are not fulfilling the law of Christ. We are in fact in violation of it.
It is incredibly important to continually share our burdens with our fellow Christians. In fact, if we are not willing to share our struggles with others, we actually disqualify ourselves from helping anyone with theirs. In order to experience the blessing of fulfilling the law of Christ and looking to the interests of others, we must first ensure that we have opened ourselves up. This keeps our hearts humble. Then as others look to us for support we can reach out to them from a position of meekness rather than one of superiority.
When we take the care to unburden our hearts, we are reminded that we struggle too. Not only so, but those that look to us for help realize that they are not alone. They can share their heart openly knowing that we truly understand their plight.
The next time you feel inspired to reach out and help others who are struggling, take a step back. First check your own heart to be sure that you have been open before the Lord and the people that He has placed in your life. Doing so allows these scriptures to be realized in our lives. There is nothing more exciting than when the word of God is made alive through the experience of it!
Lord, give us the courage to open our hearts. Let us be inspired by Your word that instructs us that while we are to help others, that we cannot neglect ourselves in the process. Give us the wisdom to allow others to carry our burdens and in so doing experience the blessing of the laws of grace being fulfilled in our lives.
He Started It!
Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.
While pondering this verse, what Jesus called “the greatest commandment” I was struck by how impossible this commandment really is to follow. I mean seriously, no matter how devoted, there are parts of my heart, soul, mind and strength that are devoted to many things other than loving the Lord my God.
Regardless, the command remains and I endeavor to follow it more perfectly. But, how do I go about doing that? I’m so prone to dogmatism and legalism. I want no part of the stinking self-righteousness that trying to be obedient to God in my own strength produces.
John taught that “We love because he first loved us” (1 John 4:19). This is the way in which I believe love and obedience grow gracefully.
- I am loved by God
- I receive that love and in turn love God
- I obey God because I love Him
This begins with God, not with me. Love begins with God, not with me. Obedience begins with God, not me.
So looking back at the greatest commandment with this perspective, I am only able to love God with my heart to the extent that I have allowed God’s love to enter my heart. I am only capable of loving God with my soul to the extent I have allowed my soul to be loved by God. My mind will only love Him to the extent that I believe Jesus really loves my mind (even when it’s filled with ugly thoughts).
By contrast, to the extent that I hide my heart, soul, mind and strength from the love of God in Jesus Christ, I cannot love him nor obey his commands.
Let’s stop kidding ourselves; believing that our self-righteous, white-knuckling legalism is of any spiritual value. Obedience born of pride is not obedience at all. Only obedience inspired by the Love of God is true obedience. This is kind of obedience is of great value!
Whoever has my commands and obeys them, he is the one who loves me. He who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I too will love him and show myself to him.
Put simply: obedience begins with love and love begins with God.
He started it…let him finish it!
Overcoming Temptation
When tempted, no one should say, “God is tempting me.” For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; but each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.
James 1:13-15
Let’s cut to the chase.
We all sin. We all fall short of God’s high standard of living. We have all lied, stolen, coveted, lusted (which is adultery according to Jesus), dishonored our parents, placed other things before God, and the list goes on. This is the reason that we need Jesus Christ in our lives. We simply cannot fulfill the laws that God laid out in the ten commandments.
But this study is not about sin or the law. This study is about temptation and how we can overcome it.
Let me level the playing field by pointing out “each one is tempted.” The King James Version reads “every man is tempted.” No man, woman or child alive is free from temptation. Mother Theresa was tempted to sin in the same way that you and I are. Even Jesus Christ Himself had to endure the draw of temptation to sin (see Hebrews 4:15).
So, where does temptation come from?
James immediately dispels any notion that God tempts us to sin. According to James 1:14 we are all tempted by the enticement of our own evil desires. Temptation does not come from without but from within. The lure of pornography or illicit sex does not come from pictures, pixels or prostitutes. The issue is the fallen flesh in which we live.
There is no question that Satan also tempts us. He is called “the tempter” and indeed tempted Christ. For the purpose of this study, I am focusing on the temptation that comes from within our flesh. But for the record, when Satan tempts us, he uses the evil desires that are in our flesh as a vehicle. He merely dangles the bait.
Speaking of bait! The Greek words used to describe being “dragged away and enticed” by our lusts are also used to describe a fisherman reeling in a fish hooked onto his line. This is a very appropriate picture. Imagine if you will a fish swimming in a lake. He comes across a tasty looking morsel floating by. But, he cannot see well enough to notice the hook embedded in the worm or the line leading to his ultimate demise. The fish is hungry and bites into the bait. The hook is set and the fish is hopelessly ensnared.
Now, the issue with this poor fish is not the bait that was waiting for him to come along. Many have said, “If we could ban all pornography and if women would dress appropriately then I wouldn’t be so tempted!” The fallacy of this kind of thinking cannot be overstated. The problem this fish had was that he was hungry! Because the fish was hungry the bait was completely irresistible. It was only a matter of time before this creature was hooked and dragged away. Of course, our temptation is not to eat a worm on a hook. Ours is much more subtle and deceptive. But, the problem we have is the same as that fish. Our flesh is hungry for sin. Our flesh knows nothing but sin and desires nothing but sin. Paul put it this way, “…nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature [flesh]. (Rom.7:18)”
Are you beginning to realize that the main issue with our temptation is our desire for sin? Thanks to the sacrifice of Jesus Christ, sin has been taken care of. When we accept Jesus Christ into our lives and surrender to Him, the problem is no longer sin itself. The problem with temptation is our evil desires.
So what do we do about temptation? We cut to the root which are our evil desires! “First clean the inside of the cup and dish, and then the outside also will be clean.” (Matt. 23:26)
No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.
1 Corinthians 10:13
God makes a very strong and comforting promise to use in the preceding verse. The temptation we endure is not unique to us. Others have experienced the same and have overcome them successfully. Furthermore, God in His faithfulness will only allow temptation to come upon us that we are able to conquer through Him. This means one of two things (or both):
1. God will now allow temptation greater than we can bear to come upon us.
2. God will strengthen us so that the temptation we are experiencing will not overtake us.
The most meaningful part of this verse for me is the last part: “…He will also provide a way out…”
Many times in the past I have tried different techniques to overcome temptation, and in particular sexual temptation. I have tried to pray more, read more scripture, be more accountable to other Christians, focus on Christian service, and the list goes on. I succeeded only in frustrating myself, burning myself out and becoming embittered toward the Christian life. I seemingly had no more power over my impulses after all of that activity than when I had begun. Worse, my anger and frustration was contributing to my addiction even more.
I have since come to discovery that the “way out” is not an activity, discipline or technique. He is a person!
“I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.”
John 14:6
Jesus Christ Himself is the way out of temptation. I will explain a few concepts first and then delve into practical application.
Paul wrote that God would “provide a way out” and Jesus declared that “I am the way.” Putting these verses together gave me the answer that I was looking for! But, there was one issue that I had to clear up first – acceptance.
Because of the nature of my sin (sexual addiction) I felt very ashamed and unacceptable to myself and to God. I felt unworthy of His help and His mercy. I knew that I had been forgiven because of Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross, but I could not approach Him with any confidence because of my shame. Through learning about the grace of God as explained by Steve McVey in his book “Grace Walk” I came to realize that not only does Jesus’ sacrifice offer me forgiveness of my sin, but UNCONDITIONAL ACCEPTANCE INTO HIS PRESENCE! You will find that acceptance is a continual theme in my writing because it is foundational to everything I have experienced on the road to recovery.
McVey uses a simple question to help us come to grips with our acceptability with God. On a scale of one to ten, ten being the highest, how acceptable to you feel to God right now? I have asked this question to dozens of people since first reading the book and I have very rarely heard anyone reply that they felt like they were a 10. Many of these people I respect deeply and would regard as very strong Christians. Yet the pattern remained that they did not feel 100% acceptable to the Father.
What this boils down to is that we do not feel like “10′s” because we are relying on some measure of self-effort to make ourselves “acceptable” to God. Only if we prayed more, read more scripture, gave more, served more, were not angry, were sexually pure, etc. This mindset has kept us from experiencing the love of God through Jesus Christ long enough! It is time to stop…right now!
YOU ARE A 10!
Now, you might be thinking, “Is he saying that I shouldn’t read more scripture, give, serve, pray or stay sexually pure?” No, that is not what I am saying. I am saying that if we engage in those activities to somehow feel more acceptable to the Lord then we have already missed the point.
There is nothing that we can do to make ourselves more acceptable to the Lord. Nor is there anything that we can do that would make us less acceptable to Him! Jesus Christ paid the full penalty for our sin and we died with Him at the cross. We are new creations that are perfect in His sight. When a believer gives into temptation and sits in front of a computer using pornography it certainly hurts the heart of God. But, He looks down upon us and accepts us unconditionally, even in the midst of our darkest moments!
If you struggle with this concept, I highly recommend getting a copy of “Grace Walk” and reading it thoroughly. A link is available under the Resources section of the website. But, I must move on to the purpose of this study which is temptation!
Now that we have established that Jesus accepts us (we are 10′s) even in our darkest moments, we can turn to Him in those moments and fellowship with Him.
Because he himself suffered when he was tempted, he is able to help those who are being tempted.
Hebrews 2:18
Jesus Christ knows that we are tempted and He wants to help us through it. He understands because, as we discovered previously, He has also endured temptation. The way out of temptation is not to focus on anything else but Him. When we learn to fellowship with Jesus Christ in the midst of our temptation He strengthens us and turns our desires away from the object of our lust. The more we learn to turn to Him for help in the middle of temptation the more we become surrendered to His work within us. We are able to hear His voice in the midst of what formerly was a source of shame and despair.
I have found that my evil desires and temptation that comes through them no longer drag me away from the Lord. Now temptation actually drives me to Him! I am tempted dozens of times a day to do all sorts of unseemly things. I have found through this principle that I am in fellowship with Jesus much more often and have experience the peace that comes through resting in Him and allowing Him to handle the temptation for me. When I realize that a woman is in my presence that my eyes are drawn to, I begin to talk to Christ in my mind (and sometimes aloud). His peace and strength begin to flow through my thoughts and I feel His love and acceptance in that moment. Then my desires to look at that women are strongly overridden by the love and acceptance that Jesus offers to me. Jesus is doing His amazing work of changing my desires. I have seen my sinful desires, and in particular pornography, masturbation and objectifying women, wane significantly since I let Christ into my temptation.
Below is a summary of this study:
- Every human being endures temptation (James 1:13)
- We are tempted because of the evil desires in our flesh (James 1:14)
- Jesus accepts us unconditionally, even in the midst of our temptation (You are a 10!)
- God has promised us a way out of our temptation (1 Cor. 10:13)
- The way out of temptation is not a technique, but a Person – Jesus Christ (John 14:6)
- By turning to Jesus Christ in the moments when we are tempted, our temptations no longer drag us away from Christ but drive us to Him. (Heb. 2:18)
- As we let Jesus into our temptations He changes our desires from the inside.
(originally posted on higher-calling.com)
My Grace Is Sufficient…
A great question was posted on the forum at Higher-Calling.com. I felt that it was worth sharing.
“And He said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.’”
2 Cor. 12:9a NKJVHow do I make this exchange? What does it look like in practice? Your input please.
Here was my response:
Great question, Paul. Thanks for asking. I have some thoughts about it. I will be the first to admit that I don’t do this perfectly or even as well as I would like. But here goes…
As with anything, this exchange has to begin with faith. If we don’t trust that this is available to us for some reason, then it will ultimately be ineffective in our lives. We have to allow the words of Jesus to be what they are – transcendent. They transcend our shame, our feelings of inadequacy, our circumstances, our hurts, our flesh, our temptations and everything else that would tempt us to believe that Jesus’ grace is not sufficient for us. The wonderful thing about this verse is that it acknowledges the very things that made up my previous list…our weaknesses.
Another observation is that Jesus said his grace is sufficient, not the law, our discipline or anything other than free, undeserved blessings and favor of God.
The context for this verse is wonderful as well. Paul is pleading for God to take away this “thorn in his side.” There is a lot of speculation as to what the thorn was. We really don’t know and so we can only conclude that what it actually was is not an important detail. What is important is that God reframed the reality of this fleshly haunt of Paul’s into a blessing…something that God allowed to remain in order to keep Paul humble.
Why is this so wonderful? Because Paul’s default response was not condemnation and shame, but humility. He saw his fleshly issues, whatever they were, as a reason to walk in humility before God and probably more importantly before other people. After Paul asked God to remove this issue from him and God did not, Paul took it in stride and accepted it as a blessing. When was the last time we saw suffering as a blessing?
Here is the full passage in The Message. A little context – Paul had just described some amazing revelations of Heaven that God had given to him in the previous verses.
Because of the extravagance of those revelations, and so I wouldn’t get a big head, I was given the gift of a handicap to keep me in constant touch with my limitations. Satan’s angel did his best to get me down; what he in fact did was push me to my knees. No danger then of walking around high and mighty! At first I didn’t think of it as a gift, and begged God to remove it. Three times I did that, and then he told me,
My grace is enough; it’s all you need.
My strength comes into its own in your weakness.Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ’s strength moving in on my weakness. Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size—abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks. I just let Christ take over! And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become.
- 2 Cor. 12:7-10 (The Message)
Because Jesus Said So…
Part of me misses porn and masturbating sometimes. I have to remind myself that my heart is good (because that’s where Jesus lives) and I don’t have to do those things. The true me, the new me, doesn’t really want them. The thing is, I’m not perfect, so I waver and struggle with temptation at times.
I know my heart and I know that Jesus lives there…and it is good because Jesus says so. When the lust of the flesh, lust of the eyes and the pride of life scream to me that I am a dirty rotten sinner, I have to remind myself firmly that Jesus lives in my heart and it is good. He has taken my heart of stone and given me a heart of flesh. I just haven’t been completely transformed by the renewing of my mind yet.
This is no excuse to indulge the flesh. But it is the only effective inoculation I have found against the shame and despair that the flesh can throw my way. I have to get honest with myself and others about my temptations. Admitting a part of me misses it…that’s the truth sometimes. Getting it out in the open seems so risky, but is so necessary.
I don’t want to click post on this blog, but here goes…
Forfeiting Grace
I was reminded again today of this verse:
Those who cling to worthless idols forfeit the grace that could be theirs.
Knowing that it is God’s grace that enables me to live in any sort of freedom from sin, sexual or otherwise, it is so critical for me to guard against clinging to worthless idols in my life!
Real Repentance
This does my heart good to read.
Which is more important, repenting of your evil behavior or your misshapen views on the unconditional love and acceptance of you Heavenly Father?
Eyes Wide Open: See and Live the Real You
This past weekend I finished reading “Eyes Wide Open” by Jud Wilhite. I had the pleasure of finishing it while drinking coffee and eating a blueberry muffin at a local coffee shop. After I was done, I passed the book on to the barista. Hopefully it will bless her as much as it did me!
Jud does a really great job of taking some well-known passages of scripture and breathing new life into them. He adds an insightful twist that gives them new meaning.
Each short chapter is an example of God’s grace from scripture accompanied by a poignant story of how it plays out in real life. That is what I appreciate most about the book. It deals with grace where real people live. Jud could have easily stopped with verses and his exposition of them. It is the stories showing God in action that makes it something special.
By the end of the book, you can’t help but be encouraged about who you are in Christ, how God sees you and the purpose you were put here to fulfill for God’s glory.

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