Relativism and Pornography
Published January 31, 2012 | 
The World Dictionary defines Relativism as follows:
…any theory holding that truth or moral or aesthetic value, etc, is not universal or absolute but may differ between individuals or cultures.
A phrase used in relativistic thinking is, “There is no absolute truth.” Of course, that very statement violates the philosophical law of non-contradiction, which states that a precept cannot be both true and false at the same time in the same way. Saying, “There is no absolute truth.” is an absolute truth statement, which nullifies itself as self-contradictory.
Regardless of this obvious contradiction, relativistic thinking, particularly with regards to morality, is pervasive in our culture. How many times have you heard, “What’s true for you may not be true for me.” The outworkings of functional relativism, as I’ll call it, ultimately result in humanism. Man is the ultimate arbiter of truth, and since men have differences one to another, so truth claims have no absolute authority over individuals.
Relativism poses significant issues to the Christian worldview. As a Christian, God is the ultimate authority and arbiter of truth. Furthermore, Christian orthodoxy holds that God has revealed his moral law to humanity through the Bible. This is the standard by which Christians are to measure themselves and the world around them. The doctrine of God’s sovereignty, creation, sin, the fall of man, and the atonement through Jesus Christ are central precepts to Christianity.
What is clear is that American Christians, especially with regards to sex, are largely identical to society at large. Divorce rates, pregnancy out of wedlock, consumption of pornography, even abortion, and so forth measure similarly. One way in which Christians in the Bible are specifically exhorted by the Bible to be distinct to those around them is in the area of sex (see 1 Cor. 6:12-20). However, what we actually see is no real difference. This is could be called hypocritical at best.
So what does relativism have to do with the church’s hypocrisy regarding sex?
No firm believer in Christianity and the Bible would adhere to full-on relativism, “There is no absolute truth.” But the seeds of relativistic thinking are present, evidenced by inconsistent profession of belief and actual behavior (again read hypocrisy). Most Christian men, for example, would agree that the use of pornography represents lustful, and therefore sinful behavior. They would not recommend it to others as a beneficial to the spiritual life and relationship with Jesus Christ. Their behavior, on the other hand, reveals they do not apply this same assertion to themselves. Christian men, who would not recommend pornography to others, are frequent consumers of it. This is evidence of an underlying functional relativism as it relates to pornography.
Why is this an important point? Isn’t this just sin requiring repentance? Why all the talk about relativism?
Yes, pornography is sin in the Christian worldview (see Matt. 5:28). Its production and consumption are both sinful according to biblical standards of morality. The issue with simply slapping the label of “sin” on it and moving on is that it short-circuits deep self-reflection on the issue. In our modern vernacular, the term “sin” has such a behavioral emphasis that it is applied only to abstinence from prohibited actions. This detracts from the process of repentance, which is generally defined as a “change of mind.” Changing one’s mind requires thinking about an issue, not merely willing a change of behavior.
Romans 12:2 admonishes us, “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” In order for the mind to be renewed, it must actually be used. If we stop at “sin” as wrong behavior, we discourage the use of our minds to actually think about what is going on, allow the truth of God to penetrate our thinking, and bring about a change of thinking. Asserting you have bought into functional relativism, evidenced by hypocrisy, beckons each of us to take a long, hard look at ourselves. This engages the mind, brings light to our thinking, and results in changes in thought and hence behavior.
When was the last time you heard someone teach that we should repent of the sin of functional relativism, evidenced by immorality? There’s something that makes me think!
There is obviously much more to say about this topic, but I will stop here to keep it brief. What do you think? How has functional relativism kept us from arriving at the place where porn is not an option?
Posted in Purity, Sexual Addiction | 
behavior, brokenness, character, God, growth, heart, lust, marriage, porn, Recovery, relationships, salvation, sex, sex trafficking, shame, sin, temptation | 
Leave a commentDr. Earl Henslin – Sex & the Brain
Published January 24, 2012 | In this episode of Pure Passion TV, Dr Earl Henslin, author of “This Is Your Brain on Joy“, talks about sex and its effects on the physiology of the brain. Starting at about minute 19 in the video he really kicks into the topic of sexual addiction and the brain in great detail. He talks about medication, therapy, brain trauma and even congenital brain issues affecting impulse control and addiction.
It is fascinating, and quite helpful for those who are greatly struggling with impulse control and addiction.
Posted in Sexual Addiction | addiction, behavior, brokenness, growth, healing, intimacy, lust, masturbation, porn, Purity, Recovery, sex, sin | Leave a commentPorn Is Not An Option
Published January 18, 2012 | I have been impressed with a thought recently…
Porn Is Not An Option
This thought has been coming back to me again and again. I shared it with a struggling friend who asked if I meant restricting access to porn through filters and so forth. While that certainly fits with this phrase, it falls short of the meaning in my heart.
A marriage ministry in my area is well-known for saying “divorce is not an option.” They recommend couples take divorce off of the table. Whatever issues they are facing, whatever conflict they are going through, divorce should be completely and mutually taken off the table as a viable option. This frees them to focus on the issues at hand, rather than ultimatums regarding the marriage itself. They go on to say that as long as divorce is on the table, every other issue on the table is shrouded in its shadow. Taking divorce off of the table allows all of the other issues to be worked on without the fear of the D word – the ultimate escape hatch.
The P word has been an escape hatch for me – a parachute of sorts. When I feel like the bottom has dropped out of my life, I can just pull the chute and up pops my savior, lowering me gently to the ground. The problem is the parachute falls down around me and offers no support once I am back on earth – where my real problems live! It was a great ride, but leaves me with nothing more than a temporary rush. It is the ultimate non-solution.
“Porn is not an option” means that for me, as a follower of Jesus Christ, pornography is simply not an option for me. I have taken it off the table as a viable alternative. As long as porn is an option for me, evidenced by the fact that I would use it frequently or infrequently, all of the other issues are shrouded by it. It colors everything – my perspective on God, his goodness, the care of others and the important issues in my life.
What does it take to come to the place where porn is not an option?
Is rape an option? Is robbing banks an option? What about murder? Am I suggesting that porn is on par with these? No. But, I am suggesting that until we categorize pornography as a personal, moral issue against which we have taken a firm stance, we probably will continue using it. It is still an option. Regardless of the consequences, the temporary lift it may bring is worth it. There are plenty of things in our lives that we have decided are not options for us. Pornography has to join the ranks of those things against which we have taken a personal stand.
Will you join me? Will you take a stand that whatever it takes, I will get to the place where porn is not an option? When the temptation hits and access is available, I have to choose something else – something greater than porn. I choose differently because porn is not an option!
Posted in marriage, Purity, Recovery | accountability, addiction, behavior, character, confession, growth, heart, marriage, porn, Purity, relationships, sex, sin, temptation | 2 CommentsFulfilling the Law of Christ
Published November 23, 2011 | Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.
- Galations 6:2
Helping others. It is a very rewarding experience. When we enter a healing journey from habitual sin such as sex addiction, it feels good to lend a helping hand to another in need of support. When we have been struggling, it sometimes feels very natural to help others who are struggling too. It is a welcome distraction to the difficulty of resisting temptation. Scripture even directs us that “Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.” (Philippians 2:4) As virtuous as it may seem to reach out to help fellow strugglers, we must hold to the whole counsel of scripture.
Jesus included this very topic, showing loving support to others, in what He described as the second greatest commandment in the entire Bible: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.” (Matthew 22:37-40)
Amazingly, Jesus said that we have to love ourselves as well. Loving others and loving ourselves are inextricably linked. For some reason, the thought of helping another person can be a lot easier than reaching out for help ourselves. In order to “carry each other’s burdens” we have to be willing to let others carry our burdens as well. There is a mutual give-and-take implied in these scriptures. If we try to support others, yet do not seek support for ourselves, we are not fulfilling the law of Christ. We are in fact in violation of it.
Another passage which supports this principle is found in Hebrews.
See to it, brothers, that none of you has a sinful, unbelieving heart that turns away from the living God. But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness.
- Hebrews 3:12-13
Before moving on to the practical application given in these verses, it is important to point out the consequence of not experiencing mutual encouragement – our hearts become hardened by sin’s deceitfulness. More importantly, this verse answers an important question. How long does it take for the heart to become hardened? Only one day! The shelf-life for a soft heart is twenty four hours! For this reason we are clearly instructed to encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today.
Fortunately, the author of Hebrews gave us four clear areas where we can give and receive encouragement. Three refer directly to the state of our hearts: a sinful heart, an unbelieving heart, and a heart that turns away from the living God. Lastly, we are cautioned to not be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness. Let’s look at these four areas a little more closely.
1. A sinful heart
In our contemporary Christian culture, when someone struggling with a particular sin reaches out to the church for help, they are all-to-often instructed to read the Bible, pray, attend church, and the list goes on. Notice that this is not what the Bible recommends as the answer to a sinful heart. Seeing that none of us has a sinful heart does not primarily involve discipline, but encouragement!
We need to encourage each other when we struggle with sin. This requires honest and courageous confession with another Christians. In doing so, we experience first-hand the incredible power of James 5:16 which states that we should “confess our sins one to another and pray for each other that we may be healed.”
2. An unbelieving heart
We all struggle with unbelief from time-to-time. The circumstances of life can be incredibly discouraging. We need to daily give and receive encouragement which bolsters our faith. This is best done by sharing the word of God with fellow Christians. In doing so, we experience Romans 10:17 which tells us that “faith comes by hearing…the word of God.”
When we share insights from scripture with each other, our faith becomes stronger.
3. A heart that turns away from the living God.
This is a question of worship. It is not whether we will worship, but rather what will we worship. We either will worship the living God with our hearts, or turn away to other false gods. Those of us at The Purity Report have an obvious god that we have habitually worshiped sex.
When we confess our sins with other Christians and deal with our unbelief through sharing scripture together, it is not a difficult next step to encourage one another to turn to God today instead of turning away from Him. No matter what circumstances we are facing today, we can be encouraged that we can do all things through Christ and we can cast all of our anxieties upon Him because He cares for us! (Philippians 4:13, 1 Peter 5:7)
4. A heart hardened by sin’s deceitfulness
We all have blind spots. We all have thought patterns and perhaps behave in sinful ways that we may be completely unaware of. Sin and the flesh can be very deceptive. As we develop the daily habit of mutual encouragement, we have the opportunity to apply tough love and help each other to see our blind spots. This should, of course, be done with an attitude of compassion and with sensitivity. When we take the courage to carefully point out areas where we all can improve, the true maturity of our relationships are revealed. Are we willing to trust each other enough to give and receive constructive criticism when necessary or do we become defensive and allow shame to do the talking? We must remember that “Wounds from a friend can be trusted.” (Proverbs 27:6)
Here is a quick synopsis:
- To fulfill the law of Christ, encouragement must be a give and take
- I must both give and receive encouragement daily to avoid a hardened heart
- Daily we should mutually
a. Confess our sins to each other
b. Strengthen each others faith through scripture
c. Point each other to God as the object of our worship and affection
d. Carefully reveal any blind spots that may contribute to a hardened heart
Posted in Purity, Recovery | accountability, behavior, character, Grace, growth, healing, heart, intimacy, Purity, Purity Report, Recovery, relationships | 2 CommentsFeeding our Appetites
Published August 14, 2011 | One thing that I have heard before that wasn’t encouraging to me at the time, but looking back I understand…
Once we act out, we find it easy to redouble our efforts. Like any appetite, once we feed it, it is quelled for a time. This is true of our sexual appetite. When we indulge ourselves, the sexual hunger is satiated and doesn’t bother us for a time. It could be a few days or even a few weeks or months. Our efforts to avoid temptations and maybe avert our attention from objects of temptation come easy for a time after acting out.
It isn’t easy when the siren’s call to dash ourselves on the rocks grows from a whisper to a shout. The hardest part of recovery is growing to the point where we are able to withstand temptation when the hunger hasn’t been fulfilled.
We have to remember that the thing we actually hunger isn’t sex, but intimacy, connection and pleasure. The false intimacy and connection of pornography, and the fleeting pleasure of masturbation always leave us flat. And like any appetite, it only grows as we indulge it.
Like I said, that is tough and may not sound encouraging right now, but I felt that it would be helpful to you in the long run. Stay strong and use the time when the temptation is low to build real intimacy, connection and healthy sources of pleasure into your life. That is the best way to combat the temptation to come.
If you don’t have face-to-face friendships with others who can encourage you, start out by joining our forums for strugglers at The Purity Report. It is a safe environment to begin talking about your temptations in a structured way and receive prayer and encouragement.
Posted in Purity, Recovery | addiction, behavior, character, emotions, growth, intimacy, lust, masturbation, porn, Purity, Recovery, relationships, sex, temptation | Leave a commentJohn’s Story – Part 2
Published August 9, 2011 | Here is the balance of John’s story. He shares his story of drug and pornography addiction, and God’s saving grace. He is also open and honest about continued struggles with pornography after coming to Christ. The journey of faith is not perfect, but it continues to blossom as we follow God’s lead and rest in His grace!
You can watch Part 1 of John’s Story here…
Posted in Grace, Recovery | accountability, brokenness, confession, Grace, growth, healing, love, masturbation, porn, Purity, Recovery, salvation, sex, shame | Leave a commentJohn’s Story – Part 1
Published July 22, 2011 | John Glisson, founder of Pure Community Ministries and The Purity Report, shares his story of drug and pornography addiction, and God’s saving grace.
He is also open and honest about continued struggles with pornography after coming to Christ. The journey of faith is not perfect, but it continues to blossom as we follow God’s lead and rest in His grace!
If you are struggling, you don’t have to languish in the dark. There is hope! Sign up on The Purity Report and start letting God into those dark places in your heart where He can forgive and heal you!
Operation Integrity – Emotional Triggers
Published June 21, 2011 | We became entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
You’re blessed when you get your inside world–your mind and heart–put right. Then you can see God in the outside world.
Matthew 5:8 The Message
“No matter what we do or where we hide, we can’t escape our essential design. We long to be free of shame’s restraints, immersed in the passion of giving and receiving. We long to live a sacrificial life that matters today and tomorrow.”
- Dan Allender Ph D
It is a good idea for us to review our Step Four inventory along with our sponsor or counselor. When doing this review with an open mind and heart, we can begin to see how difficult emotions can be triggers for our addictions. While emotions can be our triggers, our character defects are the building blocks of addiction, and our self-centeredness is the cement which holds our addictive nature together. We will never find the freedom to recover and live well until we remove all of these addictive components from within us.
In reviewing our inventory, we can see how our character defects began innocently when we were children. They were our means of survival. We learned to manipulate to get our needs met. We lied to protect ourselves. We hid our emotions to avoid embarrassment and shame. We rationalized things in order to escape ugly realities that were too much for us to bear alone. Our character defects are really ineffective tools for coping and control. They are our methods of minimizing pain and diffusing threats that we see coming our way. Without realizing it, our character defects have become a kind of strategy to care for ourselves when are afraid that no one else will.
We may feel afraid when we think of losing our defective coping mechanisms. After all, we have, at least to some degree, subconsciously thought that our character defects were important for us to survive. Thinking this way, we will subconsciously mourn the thought of having our character defects removed from us. Because letting go of our character defects can be painful, it is important that we lean on those who have been working at recovery longer than we have. Those who have more experience will understand our pain and fear. Fearing the loss of a coping mechanism is understandable, but it is essential for us to grieve these losses without complaint so that we can effectively move on down the path of recovery.
Exercising courage makes it possible to learn new and healthy ways to live our lives without resorting to the addictions that we have relied on in the past. With courage, we trade our destructive emotions and addictions for the simple gift of gratitude. Gratitude posts a guard at the door of our hearts, which is to be accessed only by God and those whom He allows. Gratitude will help us to be thankful for life as it is, not how we wish it or expect it to be. Today and every day, we stand at a crossroad. But we don’t stand alone. Our recovery fellowship stands with us. Even better, the Source of all power, God, has joined the battle for us to live a new way, to become new people, to be free.
Insights and Inspirations for Christian Twelve Step Recovery?
By David Zailer and The Men and Women of Operation Integrity
Chapter Six Segment Five
Copyright David Zailer, 2008
Operation Integrity
24040 Camino del Avion #A115
Monarch Beach CA 92629
1-800-762-0430
operationintegrity@cox.net
Posted in Recovery | accountability, addiction, brokenness, character, emotions, growth, Recovery, relationships, shame | 2 CommentsPurity Bytes – Episode 5 – Accountability
Published March 2, 2011 | 
The Purity Bytes Podcast (on iTunes)
Byte-sized chunks of wisdom about sexual purity…
Episode 5: Accountability
What is it and how does it work?
In this episode, we define accountability and talk about two different models of accountability.
Posted in Purity Bytes | accountability, confession, growth, intimacy, Podcast, Purity, Purity Report, Recovery, sex | 2 CommentsBeatitudes and Happy New Year!
Published January 1, 2011 | We at Pure Community want to wish you a Happy New Year. I pray that 2011 will bring more of Christ into your heart; that His word will reign in your thoughts; and that the purity of Jesus will express itself in your life.
I cannot think of a better passage to build our lives upon than the Beatitudes from Matthew 5:3-10.
“You’re blessed when you’re at the end of your rope. With less of you there is more of God and his rule.
“You’re blessed when you feel you’ve lost what is most dear to you. Only then can you be embraced by the One most dear to you.
“You’re blessed when you’re content with just who you are – no more, no less. That’s the moment you find yourselves proud owners of everything that can’t be bought.
“You’re blessed when you’ve worked up a good appetite for God. He’s food and drink in the best meal you’ll ever eat.
“You’re blessed when you care. At the moment of being ‘care-full,’ you find yourselves cared for.
“You’re blessed when you get your inside world – your mind and heart – put right. Then you can see God in the outside world.
“You’re blessed when you can show people how to cooperate instead of compete or fight. That’s when you discover who you really are, and your place in God’s family.
“You’re blessed when your commitment to God provokes persecution. The persecution drives you even deeper into God’s kingdom.
I was reading these in The Message this morning and was struck by how counter-cultural this teaching really is.
No one wants to be at the end of their rope or lose the things most dear to them. But Jesus says that is when we are blessed!
We all struggle to be content with who we are, genuinely caring for others rather than living selfishly, living with a pure heart and cooperation. But that is what Jesus exhorts us to live out.
It is my genuine prayer that everyone who calls Jesus “Lord and Savior” will find these traits expressing themselves more and more!
Happy New Year!
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