love

7 Surprising (and Negative) Effects of Porn

ChurchLeaders.com recently posted a brief, yet eye-opening article about some of the negative effects of pornography. Here is a synopsis.

1. Porn Contributes to Social and Psychological Problems Within Men
2. Porn Rewires the Male Brain
3. Porn Turns Sex into Masturbation
4. Porn Demeans and Objectifies Women
5. Porn Squashes the Beauty of a Real Naked Woman
6. Porn Has a Numbing Effect Upon Reality
7. Porn Lies About What it Means to Be Male and Female

I encourage you to check out the article in its entirety to read the descriptions given for each of these negative effects. Thank you, ChurchLeaders.com, for adding a much-needed voice to the awareness of this issue!

Will the Truth Set You Free?

This is one of the most often quoted verses. In John 8:32, Jesus’ words linking truth to freedom offer encouragement and inspire us to seek truth in the pursuit of personal freedom.

But there is a problem. Many who come into the church, and even discover a relationship with God through faith in Jesus Christ, do not experience freedom. They remain trapped in bondage to sin and warped thinking. They remain stuck in their lives and do not know how to move forward. Sadly, many of these same people leave the church, or worse leave faith altogether. They leave disillusioned and come, through their own experience, to believe the words of Jesus must not be true – or not true for them for reasons they cannot explain. This, of course, would be immediately validated by the relativistic world around us that says what is true for one may not be true for another.

So what is the answer? Is Jesus right? Why is the freedom promised by Jesus not a reality in the lives of so many? To find out, we have to go back to the source. Let’s look at the scripture in its proper context.

To the Jews who had believed him, Jesus said, “If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” (John 8:31-32 NIV)

Taken in its full context, you can see what geeky software developers like myself call a conditional, if/then statement.

If you hold to my teaching…

Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.

What becomes immediately apparent is that truth is not the beginning of Jesus’ thought. Rather the truth, which results in freedom, has its root in holding to his teaching. We must listen to and apply the teaching of Jesus to our lives, regularly and consistently over time, in order to know the truth of his teaching and experience the freedom promised.

How do I arrive at this conclusion that it is “consistently and regularly over time” you may ask? Well, since I posed the question, I will answer it.

The Greek word used for “hold to” is meno. In the King James Version, this word is translated as “continue” in John 8:31. Interestingly, meno is the same Greek word from which we translate “abide” in John 15:4-10. This is another famous passage where Jesus instructs us that if we “if we abide in him”, the vine, “then we will bear much fruit.” There it is again, a conditional, if/then statement! The point is clear – there are conditions on our part to really experience freedom.

To be very clear, this is not a study of salvation. It is a study on how we can experience freedom from the grip of bondage to sin. Salvation and freedom both work in our lives by grace, through faith (Eph. 2:8-10; Gal. 3:1-3; Php. 2:13). Faith then works through love (Gal. 5:6). However, I will go so far as to say that if one does not possess a desire to hold to the teachings of Jesus and apply them to his or her life, they could question whether they have accepted the Gospel, or given mere mental ascent to Jesus as a “good teacher” or otherwise. Paul would advise us all to examine ourselves to see whether we are in the faith (2 Cor. 13:5). True faith should at some point be evidenced by a desire to apply the teachings of Jesus and grow in them. Every believer should pray earnestly over these issues.

Truth as expressed by Jesus is not merely knowledge of fact vs. fiction, but an experiential knowledge. This truth can only be rooted in experience. We must take it upon ourselves to learn Jesus teachings. We then must vigorously apply those teachings to our lives. Through application, we come to a personal/experiential knowledge of their truth and veracity, resulting in freedom!

John’s Story – Part 2

Here is the balance of John’s story. He shares his story of drug and pornography addiction, and God’s saving grace. He is also open and honest about continued struggles with pornography after coming to Christ. The journey of faith is not perfect, but it continues to blossom as we follow God’s lead and rest in His grace!

You can watch Part 1 of John’s Story here…

John’s Story – Part 1

John Glisson, founder of Pure Community Ministries and The Purity Report, shares his story of drug and pornography addiction, and God’s saving grace.

He is also open and honest about continued struggles with pornography after coming to Christ. The journey of faith is not perfect, but it continues to blossom as we follow God’s lead and rest in His grace!

If you are struggling, you don’t have to languish in the dark. There is hope! Sign up on The Purity Report and start letting God into those dark places in your heart where He can forgive and heal you!

Anniversary Thoughts

Today is my ninth wedding anniversary. I wanted to share some of my random thoughts about the day:

  • I love her more today than the day we married – love grows when it is tended
  • Marriage has been the single largest catalyst for change in my life outside of God himself
  • Unconditional love is my greatest value, and my greatest challenge – it is not a fruit of the flesh
  • False intimacy is no substitute for real intimacy (into me see)
  • Intimacy does not equal sex – physical intimacy is intimacy in its shallowest form
  • Love is both a verb and a feeling. I need to “feel it” often, and “do it” when I don’t.
  • My wife doesn’t want me to “fix” her when she is upset, just hold her and tell her everything is okay. Why is that so hard for me to do?!

I could go on and on.

Marriage is under a lot of fire these days. I can understand why – our culture is primarily self-centered. Good marriages require that we be other-centered. It is counter-cultural and counter to our human nature.

Marriage is a supernatural bond that only works when we love the way God loves – unconditionally, sacrificially, deeply and passionately!

How Can You Hate What You Love?

This video clip is from a friend of mine, Aaron Dailey. He was actually my RA in Bible school, so it is cool and funny at the same time to see  him in ministry. It is even more ironic that we are in a similar vein of ministry.

In the clip. Aaron talks about the silliness of dating relationships sometimes, the bad advice we get, and how we give the same advice to each other as Christians regarding sin rather than preaching the Gospel – loving Jesus. The bottom line is we love sin. Telling each other to hate something we love is ridiculous. Rather, we need to fall in love with Jesus and let him do the work of changing our heart toward sin.

Take a look…

Purity Bytes Podcast – Episode 4 – God’s Vision for Sex

The Purity Report

The Purity Bytes Podcast (on iTunes)

Byte-sized chunks of wisdom about sexual purity…

Episode 4: God’s Vision for Sex
and Why Purity is So Important

In this episode, we talk about what God’s ultimate vision is for sex and why purity is so important.

Here are the notes for this episode.

How Can I Save My Marriage? Part 1

This is part 1 of a multi-part series.

I’ve never had to rescue my marriage from the jaws of divorce so everything I am about to write can be chalked up to idle speculation and whimsy.

Last year I watched two dear, close, married friends casually realize that they were no longer in love with each other. They were happy and successful at the time and they just sort of grew apart. You know how it is, things change, people change, it just happens. It was nobody’s fault really and the divorce proceedings were quite amicable. Remarkably, their friendship has actually been strengthened by the whole thing.

Last year I watched two dear, close, married friends emotionally rape each other for a while, tire of it, and then do the only sensible and humane thing. They wrestled their wedding vows into a sack, dragged them off into the woods squealing and thrashing, bound them to a stump, and blew their collective brains out.

One of these two stories is true and it really doesn’t matter to me which one. I don’t want either to be the story that my kids recite about themselves when catching up with long lost friends. So, in the event that they do face difficult times in marriage, I want to go on the record with how I believe one can be saved.

1. Believe That Love Is Not An Emotion

I heard a man say once that love is not an emotion. What he said was:

“Love is an act of the will, accompanied by emotion, that leads to action on behalf of it’s object.”

If this is true then we’ve been taught a lie. I don’t know about you, but I’ve been told that love is something that happens to me and not the other way around. It’s something I “fall” into and “fall” out of. That love is quite unpredictable and equally out of my control. I’ve been taught that love is an emotion.

But love is not a feeling. It is grander and more noble a thing than that. Another way to say it is that love is not merely biochemical. It is not a rush of endorphins or the perfect cocktail of serotonin. It sort of sounds silly until you realize that some of the most epic and inspiring acts of love are those that are expressed in direct opposition to personal feelings. Like when a wife forgives her husband’s infidelity, not because she is feeling at all loving or sentimental, but because she is honoring the love she felt in the past and choosing to believe she will feel it again in the future.

Let me tell you about emotions. Emotions go on vacation. They leave and forget to bring you with them. Or they blend in with the scenery like a chameleon so that you cannot detect them. Or they go to work and they stay there, sending your husband home every night without them, so that it seems like he is only alive when he is away from you.

But love? Love is different. Love is an act of the will, accompanied by emotion. It is more intricate, more ornate, and more holy than a simple feeling could ever aspire to be.

If you want to save your marriage then the first step is to believe that love is not merely an emotion.

Reproduced with permission of dewde.com

He Started It!

Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.

- Mark 12:30

While pondering this verse, what Jesus called “the greatest commandment” I was struck by how impossible this commandment really is to follow. I mean seriously, no matter how devoted, there are parts of my heart, soul, mind and strength that are devoted to many things other than loving the Lord my God.

Regardless, the command remains and I endeavor to follow it more perfectly. But, how do I go about doing that? I’m so prone to dogmatism and legalism. I want no part of the stinking self-righteousness that trying to be obedient to God in my own strength produces.

John taught that “We love because he first loved us” (1 John 4:19). This is the way in which I believe love and obedience grow gracefully.

  1. I am loved by God
  2. I receive that love and in turn love God
  3. I obey God because I love Him

This begins with God, not with me. Love begins with God, not with me. Obedience begins with God, not me.

So looking back at the greatest commandment with this perspective, I am only able to love God with my heart to the extent that I have allowed God’s love to enter my heart. I am only capable of loving God with my soul to the extent I have allowed my soul to be loved by God. My mind will only love Him to the extent that I believe Jesus really loves my mind (even when it’s filled with ugly thoughts).

By contrast, to the extent that I hide my heart, soul, mind and strength from the love of God in Jesus Christ, I cannot love him nor obey his commands.

Let’s stop kidding ourselves; believing that our self-righteous, white-knuckling legalism is of any spiritual value. Obedience born of pride is not obedience at all. Only obedience inspired by the Love of God is true obedience. This is kind of obedience is of great value!

Whoever has my commands and obeys them, he is the one who loves me. He who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I too will love him and show myself to him.

- John 14:21

Put simply: obedience begins with love and love begins with God.

He started it…let him finish it!

Unfailing Love

This is so true.

What a man desires is unfailing love…
Proverbs 19:22

How many sorrows have we brought upon ourselves and others for the lack of love?