Posts Tagged ‘porn’

My pastor (sermonshorts.com) tweeted this article. It makes some great points about porn addiction, the abuse of women in the porn industry, and how porn destroys oneness in your marriage.

http://joshdixonline.com/staying-faithful-means-no-porn-brothers

One section that was particularly compelleing to me was this:

…married men, pursuing oneness is an essential key for you and your wife.  Everything we do either moves toward our spouse or away from her.  There is no middle ground.  If you do nothing, you drift.  Oneness has to be a constant pursuit.  So in a fight, if you and your spouse can have oneness as the goal–not compromise, but oneness–instead of just winning the fight or discussion, you are saying your relationship is more important than your argument or position.  And if you can see that everything you do is either actively pursuing her or moving away from her, you can have an internal check for yourself when you see that you’re drifting apart.  My wife and I have made this part of the language we use to talk about our relationship every day.  Frankly, it has saved us through all kinds of suffering that could have easily made us drift.

One of our sites, Teens Against Pornography, has been relaunched on a new platform. The team there is really excited about building out content and improving the look-and-feel now that the upgrades are complete.

If you are a teenager, stay tuned to Teens Against Porn. A lot of new, cool features should be popping up!

If you aren’t a teen, but know one who struggles with porn and wants help – send them our way. Teens Against Porn is a great place where teens are empowered to Get Real, Get Honest and Get Free!

The XXXChurch.com Couples Blog has a great post about how porn use affects the whole family, and in particular children.

A Child’s Observation

Have you ever noticed your kid(s) doing something that was wrong and you tell them “don’t do that?” Then they reply “but, you did it.” Now if you’re a parent I’m pretty sure that most of you have heard that same thing come out of your kid(s) mouth. Below is a piece of a blog I recently stumbled across.

“A friend was hurt and angry when his 16-year-old daughter left home and, for 18 months, slept with every male she could get her hands on.  While I was counseling her, it almost seemed she was bragging about her sexual popularity.  Her Dad was angry at the world, but, having known him for years, I knew the problem was closer to home.  You see, for most of the time she was growing up, he had the Playboy bunny logo (rabbit’s head) on his keychain, dangling from the steering column everywhere he drove her.  By this, and probably other signals, Dad communicated to his daughter what was important. Sure, there were other factors, but her behavior after 16 was, in many ways, a fulfillment of years of programming.”

Children notice and take note of everything we do. They look up to their parents because we are their role models and the person they look to for answers. They absorb everything they see us do in order to form opinions, actions and thoughts.

Guys, when you’re with your buddies and you’re talking openly about girls; your son will use this as an example how to treat girls he meets throughout his life. Ladies, the shows that you watch where women sleeps with or hooks up with various partners; your daughter will use this when she gets into relationships with guys and think that this is the norm. What we do as parents will be observed by our children and they see everything. Even though we think they are not looking, they are and they notice everything their role model does.

Marriage by Example

Brian and I were not happy at all in our marriage and we had grown further apart. He was angry all of the time and just not the man that I had married. This was not something that was hidden from people any more and our children saw it first hand almost on a daily schedule. Frustrations and hurt feelings were driving us apart. I thought that the stress of work and not ever having enough money was really getting to Brian.

Kids are like students in a class room and we are the teachers who provide information on how to be adults & couples. The display that Brian and I were providing for our children was sending mixed messages. One moment things were good and then, we were fighting again. Whether it was because he was never home or because of our bills which were in part do to porn pay sites. When Brian and I would fight it would trickle down to the kids through my attitude. One of the kids would do something just a little bit annoying and already being upset I would snap back at the kids.

We also never really showed true affection to each other in front of our kids because he never would want to hold hands, gently kiss me or just hold me in front of the kids. Instead all he ever waned to do was have sex and you just don’t do that in front of your children. It is ok to show your children that you love each other through public affection.

“Your Dirty Little Secret”

The average age that a child sees porn for the first time is now at the age of 11 and is getting younger. The scary thing is that in order for it to be an average there had to be a balance of kids viewing porn at a younger age as well.

I read so many confessions that start out with how that person’s addiction got started. The number one way that people are introduced to pornography is by looking at their parents porn stash that they find. As parents Darcy and I often talk about what traits, habits, and morals we will pass on to our children. Things like faith, manners, kindness, hard working, and loving are words that we often use during these conversations. Your love for porn is not one that I think anyone wants to pass down. How ever this is exactly what can happen when we do not remove it from our lives.

I am not just talking about the magazines, movies, or books that you may be hiding but, also your computer usage. Your habits and usage on the internet is used in the favor of the pornographer and is their opportunity to bombard your email with advertisements for porn. Not only is your address in the computer but, so are those of your children. Next thing you know porn links are being emailed to them because of your quick visit to a porn site.

Not only do you have the email to worry about but, your history is a major link between kids and their parent’s porn habits. You may only be a casual user or you may be addicted to it. It does not matter it still has a way of working its way into our children’s lives. How would you feel if your child posted a confession here that they were addicted to porn and their confession starts out; “It all started when I found my parents porn.”?

My children are younger and to explain to them what their dad was doing wouldn’t be right; yet. My son knows that for some time his dad was absent from his life on a regular basis. I was also a ticking time bomb ready to blow up at the drop of a hat making him scared of how I’d react next. I was always on edge afraid of getting caught by someone. Now, I did not tell him that porn was the reason I acted out the way that I did. I did how ever sit down with him apologize asking for his forgiveness for the way I acted toward him and his sister. I missed out on a lot of things in their lives and I will never be able to get that time back but, I can make sure that it never happens again. You are never alone in your actions what you do affects everything and everyone around you; even your children.

Family Time

The main thing that I have seen in our family time is that it has become enjoyable. There are no weird feelings or anxieties in the air. Brian and I are able to show love toward one another now and have it be true feelings. With things settled down the time together is more pleasant, less yelling and screaming at one another. We are able to enjoy all of what God has given to us, knowing what life was like before Brian’s recovery started, I am thankful for every new day with our family.

This was originally posted at the blog for InternetSafety.com, a leading producer of online safety software.

Robi Sonderegger, Ph.D., is an internationally recognized clinical psychologist who is increasing awareness all over the globe about the psychological harm inflicted by pornography.

We asked Dr. Robi, who has a strong background in developmental psychology, how early exposure to pornography can affect a child’s mental development, and what role it can play in determining their sexual inclinations later in life. The answer might shock you.

Part of me misses porn and masturbating sometimes. I have to remind myself that my heart is good (because that’s where Jesus lives) and I don’t have to do those things. The true me, the new me, doesn’t really want them. The thing is, I’m not perfect, so I waver and struggle with temptation at times.

I know my heart and I know that Jesus lives there…and it is good because Jesus says so. When the lust of the flesh, lust of the eyes and the pride of life scream to me that I am a dirty rotten sinner, I have to remind myself firmly that Jesus lives in my heart and it is good. He has taken my heart of stone and given me a heart of flesh. I just haven’t been completely transformed by the renewing of my mind yet.

This is no excuse to indulge the flesh. But it is the only effective inoculation I have found against the shame and despair that the flesh can throw my way. I have to get honest with myself and others about my temptations. Admitting a part of me misses it…that’s the truth sometimes. Getting it out in the open seems so risky, but is so necessary.

I don’t want to click post on this blog, but here goes…

Last weekend I discovered we had a free-view of some premium movie channels from our satellite provider. One of the channels has a lot of adult content late at night (read soft-core porn). Needless to say, I was very displeased to discover these channels were active.

I emailed my satellite provider and asked that the channels be disabled. After a few days I received no response. When I confirmed the channels were still active, I called customer service to request they disable them. They informed me that because it was a “free-view” and the channels were not a part of my programming package they could not turn them off and I would have to block them myself.

Once again, I was incredibly disappointed. I sent another email to them voicing my disappointment and suggested they offer a way to opt out of these free-view promotions, particularly when adult content is being made available in my home without my permission.

So, what is the moral of the story? I can’t think of a good one. But, I want to warn our readers. Beware of the free-view. It is one thing when you proactively shut off access to porn in your home. It is another when a vendor pushes it into your television and refuses to turn it off. It would be an easy excuse to indulge your flesh and give your sobriety an unwanted setback.

Therefore God gave them over in the sinful desires of their hearts to sexual impurity for the degrading of their bodies with one another. They exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator—who is forever praised. Amen. (Romans 1:24-25)

In essence, when a person habitually uses pornography, they are worshiping a created image instead of God the creator. They are giving their affections, focus, time and intimacy, and to some extent, their bodies to a perverted image of God’s creation. They are worshiping other gods. For purpose’s of this devotion we cannot cover the process of stopping the use of pornography for the habitual user. But for the Christian who has been “dabbling” in this occult activity, run away. Draw strict borders for yourself. Your God is jealous, and will not share your heart, affections, or worship with any other god.

You shall have not other gods before me (Exodus 20:3)

This devotion was written by Shawn Panosian, a friend and Christian Therapist who specializes in Addiction and Sexual Abuse.

Brian and Darcy on the Couple’s Blog at XXXChurch.com just posted a bit of their story. It is really worth the read; both as a wife or a man struggling with porn addiction.

Thank you Brian and Darcy for being so open about what God has brought you through. Your courage is inspiring and your transparency will help a lot of people begin opening up about their own struggles.

2 Samuel 13 recounts the story of Amnon, the son of David. He fell in “love” with his half sister Tamar. Eventually, Amnon cornered Tamar in his house and raped her. He then tried to make it look like it was her fault, not his.

David found out about how Amnon had incestually raped his sister, but did nothing to discipline or confront Amnon. The passivity of David enraged his other son Absalom, who was Tamar’s full brother. Eventually, Absalom killed his half brother Amnon in revenge for raping his sister. This began a long chain of events that brought much bloodshed and pain into David’s family and the nation of Israel.

Why is it that David did nothing in response to Amnon’s sin? Some believe that it is because he had committed adultery with Bathsheba (see 2 Samuel 11). The shame of his own sinful behavior took his sense of moral authority away so that he felt unable to render discipline in his son’s situation without being a hypocrite.

Are you a father struggling with sexual sin? If so, you now have a new reason to seek help. You can be practically guaranteed that your children will be exposed to porn and pressured to have sex at some point. You want to have the moral authority to speak to them. Do not fall into the same trap that David did and render yourself impotent in the lives of your children.

If you find yourself in the place where you have a child facing pornography or sexual promiscuity, you don’t have to bow out because of your own struggle. Take the humble road. Admit your own faults to them. Don’t let your shame and sin prevent you from being a factor for good in your child’s life! Let them learn from your mistakes so they might be spared repeating them!

The guys at xxxchurch.com recently acquired Pure Online and re-branded the program as X3Pure. They offer three different 30-day programs: for married men, single men, and single women. The programs cost $99 and include online streaming video sessions, a workbook and a license of SafeEyes.

It’s cool to see x3 venturing out into more and more avenues to help folks who are struggling with porn. They have been known for quite some time for their ministry to porn conventions.

And this blog post just wouldn’t be complete without including the marketing mugshot of Craig, the porn pastor himself! Is it just me, or does it look like his left arm is completely missing?

If the picture scares you, just read the green words. They are true…it is a waste of time to try to beat porn addiction on your own!

If there are any alums of the program, we’d love to hear from you.