Posts Tagged ‘Purity’

I am realizing more than ever that purity is a lifestyle. It’s not the result of a single decision we make to be sexually pure. Rather, purity is the result of the little decisions I make each and every day.

From an addiction standpoint, the decisions that lead to purity aren’t simply to avoid objects of lust and arenas of temptation. It is more than that. The decision to maintain my spiritual, emotional, physical and mental health are paramount. I have to decide to take care of myself, which is so foreign to someone who has been steeped in the shame of addiction.

Okay, so The Purity Report is primarily about people struggling with sexual sin getting out of the dark and into the light. But it is more than just getting rid of some unwanted behaviors. It is about walking away from the false intimacy of pornography, lust, fantasy and self-gratification into the real world; the messy, risky, beautiful world where real relationships can be formed. It is about leaving our childish ways of coping with stress behind and choosing a better way. It is choosing to grow. It is making a decision once and for all that maybe this ugly fight with sexual sin has a purpose beyond learning to be a good boy or girl.

Maybe, just maybe, God has much more in mind. Could it be possible that this wretched struggle may be the single biggest blessing God has given to you (Rom. 8:28)? I mean, if it’s not a salvation issue, then God must have a reason for not zapping me and taking this away once and for all. What if God wants to teach you how to use your struggle to strip pride away from your soul so that he can shower you with his grace (Jas 4:6). What if he wants to mature you, to develop your character and heal you? What if through the process of healing, by walking with Jesus on the journey, you find yourself able to minister to others from a place of true brokenness and humility rather than a spirit of pride and arrogance (Matt. 5:3; 2 Cor. 1:3-4).

Why not let God use the sacrament of deep confession to pry the dead idols of sex and self out of your hands? Why not soak in the light, marinate in it, let yourself be permeated by it, rather than just sneaking a peek of the glorious light through online forums and vaguely sharing your struggles (1 Jn 1:7-9)? What do you really have to lose? Is this world really worth that much in the light of an eternity with Jesus? Is the approval (or disapproval) of men so important that it would rob you of the blessing of real intimacy with God and others? Do you really think you can get whole through half measures?

Step into the light with both feet! There is safety there. There is divine protection. It isn’t about shouting from the rafters and rooftops that you are a pervert. No, it is simply finding a few people in your life to talk to; to share your heart with. It is about trusting that God has already placed at least one person in your life, probably more, who will stand with you without judgment. These people are full of mercy and grace towards you, just as God is. They are a blessing sent from heaven to take your confession. They are given to you to carry your burden while you carry your load (Gal 6:1-5).

That is what The Purity Report is really all about!

I am very excited to announce a new direction and new focus for our ministry. As many of you know, we have endeavored over the years to create a safe online community where those who struggle with sexual integrity can come and receive support, encouragement, prayer and fellowship. We have been really successful in this and it has been a pleasure to be a part of.

After the New Year 2010, we will be rebranding and relaunching Higher-Calling.com. After the New Year, we will be known as “The Purity Report.” When you visit higher-calling.com you will be redirected to the new site.

What is The Purity Report? I’m glad you asked!

Most of us have seen or heard about accountability going badly. The church has not done a great job keeping accountability safe. It has tended to be too authoritarian or too unstructured. Neither are helpful and leave those struggling with purity frustrated or worse, believing a lie that the church does not have the answers!

The Purity Report is a simple framework for accountability relationships. It consists of a “script” for confession to be used by those struggling with purity and a set of guidelines for their accountability friends. The combination of these components foster safe and effective accountability.

The program begins with a 40-day challenge during which strugglers complete The Purity Report every day for 40 days. They share that daily report with someone they know personally. We also have specific forums to share the report with the online community, and tools on the website to help send the report to those who are not on the website through email. It takes about 5-10 minutes each day to complete the report. After the 40-day challenge, we encourage participants to continue using the report weekly to stay accountable long-term.

We will continue to foster a safe online community as we have always done. But, we are really excited to take this new direction. We have a vision to see accountability restored to the church and for many to be set free!

Please join us in sharing The Purity Report with your churches. If you would like, you can contact me at info@purityreport.com with any questions or if you would like us to discuss the program with your church.

You can visit the newly designed website at www.purityreport.com. It is still under development, but you can learn more about the program there.

Last night I had a great conversation with Aaron Dailey. He and I were both RA’s together in Bible school. Well, it turns out that Aaron has recently kicked off a new ministry focused on equipping the church and Christian leaders to deal with sexual issues called Pure Path.

Needless to say, I was thrilled to hear about what Aaron and his team are doing. I look forward to seeing them grow and hopefully taking advantage of some of the resources they plan to develop.

There can never be too many in the fight for our character and integrity. In our society, this is never more true than in the area of sexuality. Go check out Pure Path and show them some love!

Part of me misses porn and masturbating sometimes. I have to remind myself that my heart is good (because that’s where Jesus lives) and I don’t have to do those things. The true me, the new me, doesn’t really want them. The thing is, I’m not perfect, so I waver and struggle with temptation at times.

I know my heart and I know that Jesus lives there…and it is good because Jesus says so. When the lust of the flesh, lust of the eyes and the pride of life scream to me that I am a dirty rotten sinner, I have to remind myself firmly that Jesus lives in my heart and it is good. He has taken my heart of stone and given me a heart of flesh. I just haven’t been completely transformed by the renewing of my mind yet.

This is no excuse to indulge the flesh. But it is the only effective inoculation I have found against the shame and despair that the flesh can throw my way. I have to get honest with myself and others about my temptations. Admitting a part of me misses it…that’s the truth sometimes. Getting it out in the open seems so risky, but is so necessary.

I don’t want to click post on this blog, but here goes…

I felt this news report about Tim Tebow’s decision to not have sex until marriage was worth sharing. Why is it such a shocker to the media?

It is always refreshing to see someone as successful as he is living out his faith.

By Jonathan Daugherty

I’m going to do something an author really isn’t supposed to do when titling an article with a question. I’m going to give you the answer right up front (and keep my fingers crossed that you will still read the rest of the article).

Is purity for everyone?

No.

I have been working in full-time sexual purity ministry since 2003. In that amount of time I have heard the stories of thousands of individuals struggling with sexually addictive thoughts and behaviors. There are an unbelievable number of people carrying terrible shame and secrets of trauma and abuse that is truly unfathomable. Many shed tears. Some have memory loss and debilitating emotional problems. All have felt afraid, angry, lost, alone, weary, frustrated, hopeless and myriad other emotions. We offer help to all these people, yet only a few ever embrace a new life of purity.

There are many reasons (mostly excuses) why so many people carrying so much pain never find lasting freedom and peace from their addictive lifestyle. The most common reason is because they remain fixated on their circumstance, convincing themselves that in order for them to live a life of purity, their situation must change. Maybe their spouse is threatening a divorce or a boss is dangling a pink slip in front of their nose. Whatever the case, those who don’t ultimately experience long-lasting freedom have found a reason (however fickle and false) to return to the dungeon of lust and self-centeredness. (keep in mind, this is a generality based on thousands of cases; there are always exceptions…)

But are these the reasons why I say “no” to the question, “Is purity for everyone?” Not really. The reasons above (namely, believing circumstantial change, rather than personal change, will bring about a life of purity) are only one side of the coin of why purity isn’t for everyone. The other side, I believe, is a much more basic, spiritual reason of why purity isn’t for everyone. Purity is only possible for those in right relationship with God.

Recovery programs that only focus on correcting and managing behaviors are not understanding the true essence of purity. True purity is a condition of the heart, the inside of a person, not merely how a person chooses to use their body. To deny the reality of a spiritual need in sexual addiction recovery is to miss the point entirely. A person is pure when they are pure all the way through. How then does one achieve this sort of purity? Only from God.

God uses a particular word to describe his own attribute of purity: holiness. God is holy, perfect and pure in every aspect of his being. God created mankind in his image, breathing into Adam something of the essence of himself. Therefore, Adam and Eve were holy; pure and perfect in their original design. Then (you know the story) sin entered the world through their disobedience, and spiritually Adam and Eve (and the rest of humanity to follow) were stained, broken, impure. Man’s pride marred God’s holy creation.

Thankfully, God didn’t abandon his creation. He made a way for humanity to be restored, to be made new in spirit. He sent Jesus Christ to pay the penalty we deserved for our pride and sinfulness, thus erasing our debt and exchanging it for his life in us. And the only requirement of us to receive this indescribable gift is faith, simply trusting in Jesus. In that moment of faith, God restores our spirit to his original design for us. He breathes life anew into our darkened spirit and the holiness of God pours in. In this new state, we are now able to understand and even partake in a whole new life of purity, true purity that is based on God’s character and holiness, not our own.

So, do behavior modification techniques have any value in sexual addiction recovery? Of course they do. We each have a will, even if we have no relationship with God. But no person can experience the fullness of true purity apart from a relationship with God through Jesus Christ. And, ironically, even those of us who do have a relationship with God still have a choice: fully trust God and embrace his life-transforming grace or trust in our own intellect and effort to attempt to do what only God can do through us.

Purity, therefore, is only for those who 1) Know God through faith in Jesus and 2) Lay down their pride and let God have his way in revealing His holiness (i.e. purity) through them.

Final question: Is a life of purity for you?

Reproduced with permission from Be Broken Ministries. © 2006-2009 Be Broken Ministries and its licensors. All rights reserved.

The folks at XXXChurch.com have a good post about confession on their couples blog today. I am reposting it here.

I have recently been reading “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People” by Stephen Covey. In it he talks about living our lives from a principle center rather than any other. One of the principles he alludes to early in the book is that of habit.

We have all heard the maxim, “we are creatures of habit.” That is a true statement. What Covey points out that is very relevant to those of us struggling with sexual integrity issues is that habits can work for you or against you. If you are struggling with habitual sexual sin, then obviously this principle of human behavior is not working in your favor.

We can live out the scripts that we have developed over a lifetime, or we can take responsibility for them and choose to develop new, healthy habits.

If this is intriguing to you, get a copy of the book and get to work using the principle of habit to your advantage!

Last weekend I discovered we had a free-view of some premium movie channels from our satellite provider. One of the channels has a lot of adult content late at night (read soft-core porn). Needless to say, I was very displeased to discover these channels were active.

I emailed my satellite provider and asked that the channels be disabled. After a few days I received no response. When I confirmed the channels were still active, I called customer service to request they disable them. They informed me that because it was a “free-view” and the channels were not a part of my programming package they could not turn them off and I would have to block them myself.

Once again, I was incredibly disappointed. I sent another email to them voicing my disappointment and suggested they offer a way to opt out of these free-view promotions, particularly when adult content is being made available in my home without my permission.

So, what is the moral of the story? I can’t think of a good one. But, I want to warn our readers. Beware of the free-view. It is one thing when you proactively shut off access to porn in your home. It is another when a vendor pushes it into your television and refuses to turn it off. It would be an easy excuse to indulge your flesh and give your sobriety an unwanted setback.