Remember, O LORD, your great mercy and love, for they are from of old. Remember not the sins of my youth and my rebellious ways; according to your love remember me, for you are good, O LORD.Psalm 25:6-7

I have recently been painfully reminded of some of the sins of my youth. You see, my wife and I were not pure before marriage. Even years later, I am realizing that there are negative consequences in our relationship. Foundations that should have been laid and wrong expectations that should have been worked through during our dating and engagement are still shaky. We still have conflict around these issues. These problems are exacerbated by my own sexual escapades before becoming a Christian. They greatly skewed my perspective on sex and my mind is still in desperate need of renewal.

I came across this scripture passage today and received some of the comfort that my heart needs. God is merciful and loves us. In Christ, God the Father has forgotten the sins of our past. I need to be reminded of this from time-to-time so that I can walk in my new identity in Christ and not in shame from the sins of my youth.

In the video below, Chip Ingram shares three fundamental lies and the contrasting biblical truth about love and sex. He references a study guide which can be found here.

One of the most interesting parts of the video are the interviews at the very beginning. Many (most?) young people today have a very low view of sex. Rather than something sacred, too often these days sex is merely a pleasurable experience. God designed it to be so much more…

Here are the three lies as Chip lists them. It is important to note that these statements are made regarding sex outside of a healthy marriage.

Lie 1: Sex is necessary to keep a growing relationship. Truth: Once sex enters into a relationship, it almost always disintegrates instead of getting better.

Lie 2: If we really love each other, sex is sanctified. Truth: Sex is sanctified only inside the union of biblical marriage.

Lie 3: Having sex is a rite of passage. Truth: With every sexual encounter you diminish the possibility and capacity to experience true intimacy.

I was just shown a very good article about sexual addiction in the March 2008 edition of Christianity Today entitled, “Help for the Sexually Desperate“. The author does a very good job of describing the issue.

Here are some of the sub-sections from the article with my abstraction:Beyond LustAnswers the question, “What exactly is sexual addiction?”

Disease or Sin?How should Christians look at the issue? Is it sin that must be repented of or a disease that must be treated?Internet Accelerates AddictionClassical definitions of sexual addiction involved backgrounds of abuse. The internet changes all that.

Confession WorksGetting the details of compulsive sexual behavior out in the open is critical for healing.

Stigma LingersThe church needs to wake up to this problem sitting in the pews.

Integrity DailyFrequent accountability and confession regarding lust is an essential component of healing.

Opportunity AwaitsThe largest audiences for online pornography are teenagers and young adults. For this reason, some believe that the problem of sexual addiction will continue to mushroom.

I strongly recommend reading the article in its entirety.

This is from the most recent e-Newsletter from Jayson Graves and Healing for the Soul.

Wouldn’t it be nice if we could just pray a prayer to have God press some magic button in the sky and all our troubles would be taken care of? In fact, have you ever seen the recent “Easy button” commercials on TV? My favorite one is the ancient Asian warrior sitting on his horse with an army charging hard at him. As the army gets closer and closer he sits calmly on his horse with an ornate little wooden box on his lap. Just as the army is about to reach him, he opens the box and a red button with the word “Easy” on it is revealed. He presses this easy button and all of a sudden, a wall comes up out of the ground…but the wall comes up behind him! 

Magic Button vs. a ProcessI think this is part of the reason God doesn’t use magic buttons: in our humanity, we’d probably find a way to mess things up. But more importantly, as I’ve found in my own journey of reaching out to God for help, He likes to use a process to help us grow. Why? Well, God is a relational God. He’s a God who chooses to walk with us through a problem rather than just zap it away. This is how he gets Glory-by making his strength perfect in our weaknesses and then using that glory to draw people unto himself, just like he used his glory to draw you and me to him when we were saved.

Healing-Body, Mind & SpiritSo, we have a choice: continue with our magical thinking, praying that all too familiar prayer that sounds something like “God, will you please take this issue away from me?” or choosing to partner with him in the healing process. What do I mean by partnering? Well, prayer is important, but it’s not the only resource God gives us for the healing journey. Yes, it’s important to prayerfully ask God each day to partner with us at the beginning of the day and prayerfully thank him for how he did help us each day at the end. But the bible says we’re created with more than just a spirit so we need more than just spiritual answers. We are to ‘be sanctified body, mind and spirit” as it says in first Thessalonians 5:23.

Accepting that biblical reality can be the first step towards a more holistic healing-a healing that’s characterized by solutions for the body, for the mind and heart as well as for the spirit. We can begin to explore and realize the positive benefits of things like physical exercise and appropriate physical affirmation like hugs from friends. We can learn about and employ techniques for controlling our mind and caring for our feelings and emotions. In this way, we’re not only experiencing fullness in life which lends to a better context for healing but we’re honoring the way that God created us:

Connecting your lifeNow it’s important that we get some support and accountability in this process so connecting with a therapist and a group can only help the partnership. A therapist can be God’s vessel of healing in helping to expose things like unhealthy life patterns, family issues and flawed coping methods and function as an advocate or guide, giving us perspective, objectivity and feedback as well as ideas and things to try. 

A good group where people are committed to showing up, being real by putting their cards on the table and telling each other the truth in love is also part of the partnership God uses. In his book “Healing Is A Choice,” my friend Steve Arterburn identifies one of the key healing choices we can make as the choice to connect our life. Connecting with others is like letting God use people as “Jesus with skin on” in our lives. So, don’t be afraid: put your life in the light and see what God can do! In James 5:16 He promises us that when we confess our sins to each other, we’re healed. We need him for forgiveness and we need the people he sends us for healing.

Well, I trust this helps you and brings you hope! Remember, partnering with God in the healing process involves abandoning magical ways of thinking, dealing with our struggles body, mind and spirit and connecting with others in accountability for help. So get real and get plugged-in and don’t forget: If thousands of people in recovery like me can live in victory with God’s help and the help of other warriors, so can you, my friend!

If you are are interested in getting into a sex addiction recovery group, we have a partnership with Jayson Graves and Healing for the Soul to offer telephone-based recovery groups. Be sure to check them out and get the help you need!

I was reading the blog of Edwin Leap, a physician who writes about medicine, family, and culture, and I found an opinion you don’t hear out there very often. It was based on an observation of a medical chart.

I was looking over a  chart not long ago and saw a combination of medicines that caught my eye.  The young woman I was caring for was taking an oral contraceptive and an antidepressant.  Nothing unusual, except that it occurs to me that I frequently see that combination, especially in high-school and college-aged single women.

I am the first to agree that correlation is not causation. However, that is not an excuse to stop the investigation altogether. Maybe one is not causing the other, but if a correlation exists, then let’s start digging into that. Let’s unpack the correlation and try and discover what is causing the depression, and consequently the need for the antidepressants. Edwin goes further and postulates on one such potential cause.

All women are designed to establish relationships and maintain them.  They are also made to incorporate physical intimacy into the appropriate relationships, rather than have it as a stand-alone activity.  So, when young women are expected to engage in sex without the security of a lasting relationship, without the hope of a lasting connection with their partner, they become uncomfortable. It violates their programming.  Deep inside, in the place they allow very few to see, it breaks their hearts.

Broken hearts can cause depressed minds.  And that, I suspect, is one of the major reasons that so many women are taking antidepressants along with their birth control pills.  Here they are, young, thrilled by life, full of passion and anxious to share their minds, their spirits, even their bodies with someone whom they love.  But once they do, that someone decides that it was fun for a while, but that it’s time to move on to the next person.  Of course young women become depressed.  Why shouldn’t they?

If these things are true, and I think they are, then it makes sense to me that the free gift of sexual freedom is depression.

You can read the full article here.

A new thread really worth reading has been started on the Higher-Calling.com forum. Below is the first post.

A friend of mine showed me this little note that they read at theirrecovery meetings. I was struck with the line about religious denial:

“I see now that in all my religious striving and psychotherapy I waswaiting for the miracle to happen first, that somehow I should bezapped or “fixed”, unable to fall or be tempted again. I thought thatif a person just had the right religious belief, he was automatically“a new creature; old things are passed away; behold, all things arebecome new” – that all thought of lust would be removed, much as asurgeon would excise a tumor. The “religious solution” was one of thesubtlest strategies in my arsenal of denial.”“I didn’t realize that the essence of being human is to have freechoice. God doesn’t want to remove the possibility of falling; he wantsme to have the freedom to choose not to fall. I’d been prayingself-righteously all along, “Please God, take it away!” not realizingmy inner heart was piteously whining “…so I won’t have to give it up.”There was belief without surrender. That belief availed nothing! I hadnever died to lust.”“This program doesn’t tell us how to stop – we had done that a thousandtimes – it shows us how to keep from starting again. We had itbackwards. Before, we always wanted the therapist, spouse, or God to dothe stopping for us – to fix us. Now, we stop, and then, in oursurrender, the power of God becomes effective in us. “

Can you relate to the sentence: “my innner heart was piteouslywhining…so I won’t have to give it up?” My cry for deliverance &a miracle was simply to avoid pain and avoid the embarrassment of goingto a meeting or avoiding the confessing to my wife. I wanted to use Godjust like I had used everything else in my life. But God won’t becontrolled.

As I was enjoying my daily dose of LOL Cats I came across this picture. It quickly reminded me of how it feels sometimes with lust and temptation.

There are times when it seems to follow me around and haunt me everywhere I turn. All I have to do is “stop the car” and I will be overrun by this behemoth that has been following me around. Not unlike this picture, sometimes an attractive woman in my rear-view mirror while sitting at a red light can be something to kick of fantasy.

Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.- 1 Peter 5:8

Roaring lion, pack of stampeding elephants; same thing, right?! As this verse tells us, we have to be self-controlled and alert. The enemy literally stalks us at times and he knows our weaknesses.

For those of us who have habitually given in to lust, porn, etc., we have given up self-control to our flesh. We have to work diligently to regain it and be alert. However, there is a twist. Scripture also teaches us that self-control is a fruit of the Holy Spirit (see Galations 5:22-24).

As with anything in the Christian life, success is not measured by work but rather by faith. Growth in Christian character, including the spiritual fruit of self-control, is a work of grace that God is actively pursuing in our hearts. We know that he is working to conform us to the image of Christ. The work that is ours is to trust that God is indeed doing a work in our lives and trust him to bring it to completion.

There is so much more to say on this topic. But for further reference, here are a few more scripture references.Romans 12:1-2Philippians 1:4-6Colossians 3:9-10

SafeEyes Mobile has been released for the iPhone and iPod Touch.

One of the major areas of vulnerability for a lot of folks is their internet-enabled mobile device. Gadgets such as the iPhone, iPod Touch and Playstation Portable haven’t had filters available. It is great to begin seeing standards, such as that of the iPhone, allow software developers to create ways to protect users from porn.

I shudder to think about a teenager with a PlayStation Portable walking around Kroger surfing porn on the free WiFi while his mother rummages through produce totally oblivious to her son lusting over the internet mere feet away!

Unfortunately as of this posting, there is still no filtering software for the Playstation Portable that I am aware of.

You can learn more about SafeEyes Mobile by going to their website at www.safeeyes.com.

At work today, there are these window cleaners right outside my window. Imagine someone just behind your computer monitor doing “wax on, wax off” while you are trying to concentrate. But that’s not all! They aren’t just using the soap and squeegee. They are buffing the windows with an electric buffer! It is the most grating and distracting thing I could possibly think of.

As I think about it, it is not terribly unlike the barrage of images that constantly seem to attack my eyes and tempt me to lust. From television, print advertising, maybe the occasional jogger, email spam, even my MSN Messenger client with those stupid dating or diet flash ads. All of these things distract me from the purity that I desire.

I am sitting here listening to music on my mp3 player trying to drown out the noise. I closed the blinds so I don’t have to watch the guy “buff” the windows. Even with these measures, the annoyance is only muted, not completely removed.

Following the analogy, what can we do to drown out the distractions from our goal of sexual purity?

One thing that comes to mine is to only watch recorded TV shows so that I can fast-forward through commercials (long live the DVR!).

I know that techniques only turn down the volume and do not address the heart issue. But they can make it more bearable to walk through life without feeling like a dog in heat!

What other ideas are out there? How can we drown out the constant annoyances that distract us from purity?