Posts Tagged ‘Recovery’

Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.
- Galations 6:2

Helping others. It is a very rewarding experience. When we enter a healing journey from habitual sin such as sex addiction, it feels good to lend a helping hand to another in need of support. When we have been struggling, it sometimes feels very natural to help others who are struggling too. It is a welcome distraction to the difficulty of resisting temptation. Scripture even directs us that “Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.” (Philippians 2:4) As virtuous as it may seem to reach out to help fellow strugglers, we must hold to the whole counsel of scripture.

Jesus included this very topic, showing loving support to others, in what He described as the second greatest commandment in the entire Bible: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.” (Matthew 22:37-40)

Amazingly, Jesus said that we have to love ourselves. Loving others and loving ourselves are inextricably linked. Paul confirms this in Gal. 6:2 and Php. 2:4 when he wrote that we should “carry each other’s burdens” and “look…to your own interests”. For some reason, the thought of helping another person can be a lot easier than reaching out for help ourselves. In order to “carry each other’s burdens” we have to be willing to let others carry our burdens as well. There is a mutual give-and-take implied in these scriptures. If we try to help others, yet do not seek help for ourselves, we are not fulfilling the law of Christ. We are in fact in violation of it.

It is incredibly important to continually share our burdens with our fellow Christians. In fact, if we are not willing to share our struggles with others, we actually disqualify ourselves from helping anyone with theirs. In order to experience the blessing of fulfilling the law of Christ and looking to the interests of others, we must first ensure that we have opened ourselves up. This keeps our hearts humble. Then as others look to us for support we can reach out to them from a position of meekness rather than one of superiority.

When we take the care to unburden our hearts, we are reminded that we struggle too. Not only so, but those that look to us for help realize that they are not alone. They can share their heart openly knowing that we truly understand their plight.

The next time you feel inspired to reach out and help others who are struggling, take a step back. First check your own heart to be sure that you have been open before the Lord and the people that He has placed in your life. Doing so allows these scriptures to be realized in our lives. There is nothing more exciting than when the word of God is made alive through the experience of it!

Lord, give us the courage to open our hearts. Let us be inspired by Your word that instructs us that while we are to help others, that we cannot neglect ourselves in the process. Give us the wisdom to allow others to carry our burdens and in so doing experience the blessing of the laws of grace being fulfilled in our lives.

At the Catalyst Conference this past week, Dave Ramsey spoke on something he calls “The Momentum Theorem.” He provided each conference attendee with a coin with the following formula inscribed on it.

It goes like this: Focused intensity over Time multiplied by God equals unstoppable Momentum.

Rather than try to reproduce what other bloggers have already written, I decided to go to YouTube. Lo and behold! Dave Ramsey delivered essentially the same talk at a church a while back. It is well worth checking out. Here is the first part of the message (it is broken into four parts).

These are the direct links to the other three parts of the message.

The Momentum Theorem Part 2 0f 4

The Momentum Theorem Part 3 of 4

The Momentum Theorem Part 4 of 4

Okay, so you may be asking what this has to do with our primary vision – to help those who struggle with or have been hurt by sexual sin find healing. It is because at times, recovery is hard. In fact, there are times when you feel like you are sliding backwards (read backsliding). It requires a lot of focus, intensity and consistent application of them over time to make it in recovery.

You will not find wholeness through half measures!

We have to trust Jesus to help us focus, to stay intent upon the prize of purity and to sustain us in good times and in bad. We can capture momentum in recovery, like in any other arena of life. It does get easier, but not until we apply ourselves to it.

This simple theorem is a great reminder. Write it down, memorize it, and remember it when things are going well…and when things aren’t going so well. God will multiply our efforts to live for him, and that is what this is all about.

The folks at XXXChurch.com have a good post about confession on their couples blog today. I am reposting it here.

After being in recovery for a while, you realize that addiction of any sort, porn/sexual addiction included, is an attempt to meet legitimate needs through illegitimate means. The way we define sexual addiction on the Higher-Calling.com FAQ further explains this perspective.

With that in mind, I have come to believe that temptation to engage in acting out behavior is like the check engine light on the dashboard of my car. The pull toward pornography is an indicator that I need to check under the hood.

In recovery terms, this is known as identifying your triggers. The acronym HALT is a well-known list of common triggers (Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired). This article further explains HALT.

It is very helpful to identify triggers in two categories: visual/physical or emotional. HALT identifies two physical triggers (hungry or tired) and two emotional triggers (angry or lonely). Seeing a person or picture with certain physical attributes or wearing specific clothing can visually trigger arousal.

Emotional triggers are much more difficult to identify. In part this is because addicts are generally not connected to their emotional selves and therefore have a hard time identifying and expressing their emotions. Shame is probably the most powerful triggering emotion for addicts. Often confused with guilt, which is the negative feeling tied to wrong behavior, shame is a much deeper sense that we are fundamentally worthless and unacceptable. Anything that triggers our shame is sure to kick off a strong pull to act out.

Being aroused by certain physical/visual or even emotional stimulus is not abnormal. However, addicts take it a step further and engage in acting out behavior. Acting out repeatedly over time hard-wires our brains to associate arousal of any sort with our acting out behaviors. All arousal, regardless of the trigger, leads us to the same place.

Coming back to our metaphor, these triggers are glaring check engine lights on the dashboard of our consciousness. They indicate places where we may need to grow, establish accountability, forgive ourselves or others, or simply confess past sins in a safe place. The point is to not let the “service required” indicator go unnoticed.

Take a few minutes to reflect on what is going on under the hood the next time you are triggered to act out. It is an essential element of keeping the engine of our sobriety running smoothly.

I have recently been reading “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People” by Stephen Covey. In it he talks about living our lives from a principle center rather than any other. One of the principles he alludes to early in the book is that of habit.

We have all heard the maxim, “we are creatures of habit.” That is a true statement. What Covey points out that is very relevant to those of us struggling with sexual integrity issues is that habits can work for you or against you. If you are struggling with habitual sexual sin, then obviously this principle of human behavior is not working in your favor.

We can live out the scripts that we have developed over a lifetime, or we can take responsibility for them and choose to develop new, healthy habits.

If this is intriguing to you, get a copy of the book and get to work using the principle of habit to your advantage!

I attended the Healing for the Soul retreat this past weekend. I have several takeaways to blog about, but wanted to start with this.

On the last morning of the retreat, we had a time where attendees had the opportunity to share their experiences. One man in particular touched my heart. He shared how he went to the gift shop at the retreat center and asked God to lead him to something. He found a small plaque with a poem entitled, “To My Son” or something like that. As the guy read the poem, he struggled many times through heaving tears to continue reading. One time, he reassured himself as he choked back tears, “Get it together!” I couldn’t help but think, “That is together!” When I had the chance to share, I was sure to tell that man he did have it together and it touched my heart.

I understand what he meant when he said, “Get it together!” He had a goal of sharing the poem with us and his deep emotion was hindering him. However, it was his display of emotion, much more than the words of the poem, that impacted those of us listening. I was blessed.

This experience highlighted to me how we stifle ourselves emotionally. The discovery of our brokenness during the process of recovery can be intense. It can at times render you a quivering mess of emotions. But keep this in mind: that is together! The brokenness we discover can really only be put back together when we allow ourselves to grieve it appropriately. Only then can we move on with integrity, knowing we have given our souls the needed ventilation. Getting it together may in truth look like falling apart!

Here’s a quote for you. I think it came from Mere Christianity.

We do not know the strength of the evil impulses inside of us until we try to fight against them.

None of our character flaws seem too insidious until we try to change them. They just lurk under the surface, doing their damage quietly in the dark. Once we try to root them out, that is when they show just how strong their grip on us really are.

I was listening to Mere Christianity this morning, continuing my C. S. Lewis kick, and was amazed by one of the descriptions of the Christian life. Lewis first explained the difference between being created and begotten. That which is created is different from the creator. A statue created by a man is not like a man. Even if it is fashioned in the likeness of a man, it is not like him in essence. Stone is not flesh. That which is begotten, on the other hand, is like that from which it comes both in essence and likeness. There are some really deep implications of these concepts, but I am going to focus on one in particular.

Jesus is the only begotten of the Father (John 3:16). Lewis describes the entire life of the Christian as the process of being made into Christ’s likeness. Most of us have heard that before. What I had not heard before was another way of saying it: that we are being made from the created into the begotten. This is what it means to become “sons of God” (Gal. 3:26-27)

When we are born again, our human spirit becomes one with Christ. Jesus, by the Holy Spirit, takes up residence within our mortal bodies. In this way, our created human spirit is made into the begotten spirit of Christ and we become sons of God. That is the beginning; the foundation upon which the work of changing us from the created into the begotten begins. The remainder of our humanity remains a created thing that must be changed into a begotten thing. Our soul, the mind, will and emotions, are changed into Christ-likeness through the process of sanctification. Our physical bodies will follow suit at the resurrection of the dead when our mortal bodies will be changed into immortal just like the body Jesus now has was changed following his resurrection from the dead.

I threw out a lot of theology there. But there is a point. There is a lot of talk in Christian recovery circles about the whole notion of self-effort vs. grace. While we all agree that Christian recovery is an extension of the sanctification process, how it progresses is at times hotly debated. I would like to slightly reshape the debate using the concept of changing from a created thing into a begotten thing.

The soul cannot change itself into a begotten thing. The thoughts of the created mind, feelings of the created emotions, nor choices of the created will are of any value in the process at all. If they are to be changed they must be submitted to the only begotten, Jesus himself, so that he can do the work of changing them into his likeness. We cannot change ourselves into that likeness any more than Pinocchio could have made himself into a real boy (borrowing a little myth here). It is God’s effort, not our own, that makes this change possible.

When the whole concept of surrender is brought up in recovery, this is really the back of what is being said. We cannot change ourselves, we have to be changed. To that end, we can only surrender to the One who has the power to change us. Any effort should be expended as a means to surrender. Self-control, for instance, is a result of that surrender.

For brevity’s sake, here are a several relevant scripture references. Most are familiar passages, but take on new meaning in the context of being changed from created to begotten.

John 3:16
John 15:1-8
Romans 8:1-26
Romans 12:1-2
Galations 3:1-3
Galations 5:16-25
Philippians 1:3-6
Titus 2:11-12

The guys at xxxchurch.com recently acquired Pure Online and re-branded the program as X3Pure. They offer three different 30-day programs: for married men, single men, and single women. The programs cost $99 and include online streaming video sessions, a workbook and a license of SafeEyes.

It’s cool to see x3 venturing out into more and more avenues to help folks who are struggling with porn. They have been known for quite some time for their ministry to porn conventions.

And this blog post just wouldn’t be complete without including the marketing mugshot of Craig, the porn pastor himself! Is it just me, or does it look like his left arm is completely missing?

If the picture scares you, just read the green words. They are true…it is a waste of time to try to beat porn addiction on your own!

If there are any alums of the program, we’d love to hear from you.

I was just shown a very good article about sexual addiction in the March 2008 edition of Christianity Today entitled, “Help for the Sexually Desperate“. The author does a very good job of describing the issue.

Here are some of the sub-sections from the article with my abstraction:

Beyond Lust
Answers the question, “What exactly is sexual addiction?”

Disease or Sin?
How should Christians look at the issue? Is it sin that must be repented of or a disease that must be treated?

Internet Accelerates Addiction
Classical definitions of sexual addiction involved backgrounds of abuse. The internet changes all that.

Confession Works
Getting the details of compulsive sexual behavior out in the open is critical for healing.

Stigma Lingers
The church needs to wake up to this problem sitting in the pews.

Integrity Daily
Frequent accountability and confession regarding lust is an essential component of healing.

Opportunity Awaits
The largest audiences for online pornography are teenagers and young adults. For this reason, some believe that the problem of sexual addiction will continue to mushroom.

I strongly recommend reading the article in its entirety.