Posts Tagged ‘Recovery’

I have recently been reading “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People” by Stephen Covey. In it he talks about living our lives from a principle center rather than any other. One of the principles he alludes to early in the book is that of habit.

We have all heard the maxim, “we are creatures of habit.” That is a true statement. What Covey points out that is very relevant to those of us struggling with sexual integrity issues is that habits can work for you or against you. If you are struggling with habitual sexual sin, then obviously this principle of human behavior is not working in your favor.

We can live out the scripts that we have developed over a lifetime, or we can take responsibility for them and choose to develop new, healthy habits.

If this is intriguing to you, get a copy of the book and get to work using the principle of habit to your advantage!

I attended the Healing for the Soul retreat this past weekend. I have several takeaways to blog about, but wanted to start with this.

On the last morning of the retreat, we had a time where attendees had the opportunity to share their experiences. One man in particular touched my heart. He shared how he went to the gift shop at the retreat center and asked God to lead him to something. He found a small plaque with a poem entitled, “To My Son” or something like that. As the guy read the poem, he struggled many times through heaving tears to continue reading. One time, he reassured himself as he choked back tears, “Get it together!” I couldn’t help but think, “That is together!” When I had the chance to share, I was sure to tell that man he did have it together and it touched my heart.

I understand what he meant when he said, “Get it together!” He had a goal of sharing the poem with us and his deep emotion was hindering him. However, it was his display of emotion, much more than the words of the poem, that impacted those of us listening. I was blessed.

This experience highlighted to me how we stifle ourselves emotionally. The discovery of our brokenness during the process of recovery can be intense. It can at times render you a quivering mess of emotions. But keep this in mind: that is together! The brokenness we discover can really only be put back together when we allow ourselves to grieve it appropriately. Only then can we move on with integrity, knowing we have given our souls the needed ventilation. Getting it together may in truth look like falling apart!

Here’s a quote for you. I think it came from Mere Christianity.

We do not know the strength of the evil impulses inside of us until we try to fight against them.

None of our character flaws seem too insidious until we try to change them. They just lurk under the surface, doing their damage quietly in the dark. Once we try to root them out, that is when they show just how strong their grip on us really are.

I was listening to Mere Christianity this morning, continuing my C. S. Lewis kick, and was amazed by one of the descriptions of the Christian life. Lewis first explained the difference between being created and begotten. That which is created is different from the creator. A statue created by a man is not like a man. Even if it is fashioned in the likeness of a man, it is not like him in essence. Stone is not flesh. That which is begotten, on the other hand, is like that from which it comes both in essence and likeness. There are some really deep implications of these concepts, but I am going to focus on one in particular.

Jesus is the only begotten of the Father (John 3:16). Lewis describes the entire life of the Christian as the process of being made into Christ’s likeness. Most of us have heard that before. What I had not heard before was another way of saying it: that we are being made from the created into the begotten. This is what it means to become “sons of God” (Gal. 3:26-27)

When we are born again, our human spirit becomes one with Christ. Jesus, by the Holy Spirit, takes up residence within our mortal bodies. In this way, our created human spirit is made into the begotten spirit of Christ and we become sons of God. That is the beginning; the foundation upon which the work of changing us from the created into the begotten begins. The remainder of our humanity remains a created thing that must be changed into a begotten thing. Our soul, the mind, will and emotions, are changed into Christ-likeness through the process of sanctification. Our physical bodies will follow suit at the resurrection of the dead when our mortal bodies will be changed into immortal just like the body Jesus now has was changed following his resurrection from the dead.

I threw out a lot of theology there. But there is a point. There is a lot of talk in Christian recovery circles about the whole notion of self-effort vs. grace. While we all agree that Christian recovery is an extension of the sanctification process, how it progresses is at times hotly debated. I would like to slightly reshape the debate using the concept of changing from a created thing into a begotten thing.

The soul cannot change itself into a begotten thing. The thoughts of the created mind, feelings of the created emotions, nor choices of the created will are of any value in the process at all. If they are to be changed they must be submitted to the only begotten, Jesus himself, so that he can do the work of changing them into his likeness. We cannot change ourselves into that likeness any more than Pinocchio could have made himself into a real boy (borrowing a little myth here). It is God’s effort, not our own, that makes this change possible.

When the whole concept of surrender is brought up in recovery, this is really the back of what is being said. We cannot change ourselves, we have to be changed. To that end, we can only surrender to the One who has the power to change us. Any effort should be expended as a means to surrender. Self-control, for instance, is a result of that surrender.

For brevity’s sake, here are a several relevant scripture references. Most are familiar passages, but take on new meaning in the context of being changed from created to begotten.

John 3:16
John 15:1-8
Romans 8:1-26
Romans 12:1-2
Galations 3:1-3
Galations 5:16-25
Philippians 1:3-6
Titus 2:11-12

The guys at xxxchurch.com recently acquired Pure Online and re-branded the program as X3Pure. They offer three different 30-day programs: for married men, single men, and single women. The programs cost $99 and include online streaming video sessions, a workbook and a license of SafeEyes.

It’s cool to see x3 venturing out into more and more avenues to help folks who are struggling with porn. They have been known for quite some time for their ministry to porn conventions.

And this blog post just wouldn’t be complete without including the marketing mugshot of Craig, the porn pastor himself! Is it just me, or does it look like his left arm is completely missing?

If the picture scares you, just read the green words. They are true…it is a waste of time to try to beat porn addiction on your own!

If there are any alums of the program, we’d love to hear from you.

I was just shown a very good article about sexual addiction in the March 2008 edition of Christianity Today entitled, “Help for the Sexually Desperate“. The author does a very good job of describing the issue.

Here are some of the sub-sections from the article with my abstraction:

Beyond Lust
Answers the question, “What exactly is sexual addiction?”

Disease or Sin?
How should Christians look at the issue? Is it sin that must be repented of or a disease that must be treated?

Internet Accelerates Addiction
Classical definitions of sexual addiction involved backgrounds of abuse. The internet changes all that.

Confession Works
Getting the details of compulsive sexual behavior out in the open is critical for healing.

Stigma Lingers
The church needs to wake up to this problem sitting in the pews.

Integrity Daily
Frequent accountability and confession regarding lust is an essential component of healing.

Opportunity Awaits
The largest audiences for online pornography are teenagers and young adults. For this reason, some believe that the problem of sexual addiction will continue to mushroom.

I strongly recommend reading the article in its entirety.

This is from the most recent e-Newsletter from Jayson Graves and Healing for the Soul.

Wouldn’t it be nice if we could just pray a prayer to have God press some magic button in the sky and all our troubles would be taken care of? In fact, have you ever seen the recent “Easy button” commercials on TV? My favorite one is the ancient Asian warrior sitting on his horse with an army charging hard at him. As the army gets closer and closer he sits calmly on his horse with an ornate little wooden box on his lap. Just as the army is about to reach him, he opens the box and a red button with the word “Easy” on it is revealed. He presses this easy button and all of a sudden, a wall comes up out of the ground…but the wall comes up behind him! 

Magic Button vs. a Process
I think this is part of the reason God doesn’t use magic buttons: in our humanity, we’d probably find a way to mess things up. But more importantly, as I’ve found in my own journey of reaching out to God for help, He likes to use a process to help us grow. Why? Well, God is a relational God. He’s a God who chooses to walk with us through a problem rather than just zap it away. This is how he gets Glory-by making his strength perfect in our weaknesses and then using that glory to draw people unto himself, just like he used his glory to draw you and me to him when we were saved.

Healing-Body, Mind & Spirit
So, we have a choice: continue with our magical thinking, praying that all too familiar prayer that sounds something like “God, will you please take this issue away from me?” or choosing to partner with him in the healing process. What do I mean by partnering? Well, prayer is important, but it’s not the only resource God gives us for the healing journey. Yes, it’s important to prayerfully ask God each day to partner with us at the beginning of the day and prayerfully thank him for how he did help us each day at the end. But the bible says we’re created with more than just a spirit so we need more than just spiritual answers. We are to ‘be sanctified body, mind and spirit” as it says in first Thessalonians 5:23.

Accepting that biblical reality can be the first step towards a more holistic healing-a healing that’s characterized by solutions for the body, for the mind and heart as well as for the spirit. We can begin to explore and realize the positive benefits of things like physical exercise and appropriate physical affirmation like hugs from friends. We can learn about and employ techniques for controlling our mind and caring for our feelings and emotions. In this way, we’re not only experiencing fullness in life which lends to a better context for healing but we’re honoring the way that God created us:

Connecting your life
Now it’s important that we get some support and accountability in this process so connecting with a therapist and a group can only help the partnership. A therapist can be God’s vessel of healing in helping to expose things like unhealthy life patterns, family issues and flawed coping methods and function as an advocate or guide, giving us perspective, objectivity and feedback as well as ideas and things to try. 

A good group where people are committed to showing up, being real by putting their cards on the table and telling each other the truth in love is also part of the partnership God uses. In his book “Healing Is A Choice,” my friend Steve Arterburn identifies one of the key healing choices we can make as the choice to connect our life. Connecting with others is like letting God use people as “Jesus with skin on” in our lives. So, don’t be afraid: put your life in the light and see what God can do! In James 5:16 He promises us that when we confess our sins to each other, we’re healed. We need him for forgiveness and we need the people he sends us for healing.

Well, I trust this helps you and brings you hope! Remember, partnering with God in the healing process involves abandoning magical ways of thinking, dealing with our struggles body, mind and spirit and connecting with others in accountability for help. So get real and get plugged-in and don’t forget: If thousands of people in recovery like me can live in victory with God’s help and the help of other warriors, so can you, my friend!

If you are are interested in getting into a sex addiction recovery group, we have a partnership with Jayson Graves and Healing for the Soul to offer telephone-based recovery groups. Be sure to check them out and get the help you need!

A new thread really worth reading has been started on the Higher-Calling.com forum. Below is the first post.

A friend of mine showed me this little note that they read at their
recovery meetings. I was struck with the line about religious denial:

“I see now that in all my religious striving and psychotherapy I was
waiting for the miracle to happen first, that somehow I should be
zapped or “fixed”, unable to fall or be tempted again. I thought that
if a person just had the right religious belief, he was automatically
“a new creature; old things are passed away; behold, all things are
become new” – that all thought of lust would be removed, much as a
surgeon would excise a tumor. The “religious solution” was one of the
subtlest strategies in my arsenal of denial.”

“I didn’t realize that the essence of being human is to have free
choice. God doesn’t want to remove the possibility of falling; he wants
me to have the freedom to choose not to fall. I’d been praying
self-righteously all along, “Please God, take it away!” not realizing
my inner heart was piteously whining “…so I won’t have to give it up.”
There was belief without surrender. That belief availed nothing! I had
never died to lust.”

“This program doesn’t tell us how to stop – we had done that a thousand
times – it shows us how to keep from starting again. We had it
backwards. Before, we always wanted the therapist, spouse, or God to do
the stopping for us – to fix us. Now, we stop, and then, in our
surrender, the power of God becomes effective in us. “

Can you relate to the sentence: “my innner heart was piteously
whining…so I won’t have to give it up?” My cry for deliverance &
a miracle was simply to avoid pain and avoid the embarrassment of going
to a meeting or avoiding the confessing to my wife. I wanted to use God
just like I had used everything else in my life. But God won’t be
controlled.