Posts Tagged ‘relationships’

Okay, so The Purity Report is primarily about people struggling with sexual sin getting out of the dark and into the light. But it is more than just getting rid of some unwanted behaviors. It is about walking away from the false intimacy of pornography, lust, fantasy and self-gratification into the real world; the messy, risky, beautiful world where real relationships can be formed. It is about leaving our childish ways of coping with stress behind and choosing a better way. It is choosing to grow. It is making a decision once and for all that maybe this ugly fight with sexual sin has a purpose beyond learning to be a good boy or girl.

Maybe, just maybe, God has much more in mind. Could it be possible that this wretched struggle may be the single biggest blessing God has given to you (Rom. 8:28)? I mean, if it’s not a salvation issue, then God must have a reason for not zapping me and taking this away once and for all. What if God wants to teach you how to use your struggle to strip pride away from your soul so that he can shower you with his grace (Jas 4:6). What if he wants to mature you, to develop your character and heal you? What if through the process of healing, by walking with Jesus on the journey, you find yourself able to minister to others from a place of true brokenness and humility rather than a spirit of pride and arrogance (Matt. 5:3; 2 Cor. 1:3-4).

Why not let God use the sacrament of deep confession to pry the dead idols of sex and self out of your hands? Why not soak in the light, marinate in it, let yourself be permeated by it, rather than just sneaking a peek of the glorious light through online forums and vaguely sharing your struggles (1 Jn 1:7-9)? What do you really have to lose? Is this world really worth that much in the light of an eternity with Jesus? Is the approval (or disapproval) of men so important that it would rob you of the blessing of real intimacy with God and others? Do you really think you can get whole through half measures?

Step into the light with both feet! There is safety there. There is divine protection. It isn’t about shouting from the rafters and rooftops that you are a pervert. No, it is simply finding a few people in your life to talk to; to share your heart with. It is about trusting that God has already placed at least one person in your life, probably more, who will stand with you without judgment. These people are full of mercy and grace towards you, just as God is. They are a blessing sent from heaven to take your confession. They are given to you to carry your burden while you carry your load (Gal 6:1-5).

That is what The Purity Report is really all about!

Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.
- Galations 6:2

Helping others. It is a very rewarding experience. When we enter a healing journey from habitual sin such as sex addiction, it feels good to lend a helping hand to another in need of support. When we have been struggling, it sometimes feels very natural to help others who are struggling too. It is a welcome distraction to the difficulty of resisting temptation. Scripture even directs us that “Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.” (Philippians 2:4) As virtuous as it may seem to reach out to help fellow strugglers, we must hold to the whole counsel of scripture.

Jesus included this very topic, showing loving support to others, in what He described as the second greatest commandment in the entire Bible: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.” (Matthew 22:37-40)

Amazingly, Jesus said that we have to love ourselves. Loving others and loving ourselves are inextricably linked. Paul confirms this in Gal. 6:2 and Php. 2:4 when he wrote that we should “carry each other’s burdens” and “look…to your own interests”. For some reason, the thought of helping another person can be a lot easier than reaching out for help ourselves. In order to “carry each other’s burdens” we have to be willing to let others carry our burdens as well. There is a mutual give-and-take implied in these scriptures. If we try to help others, yet do not seek help for ourselves, we are not fulfilling the law of Christ. We are in fact in violation of it.

It is incredibly important to continually share our burdens with our fellow Christians. In fact, if we are not willing to share our struggles with others, we actually disqualify ourselves from helping anyone with theirs. In order to experience the blessing of fulfilling the law of Christ and looking to the interests of others, we must first ensure that we have opened ourselves up. This keeps our hearts humble. Then as others look to us for support we can reach out to them from a position of meekness rather than one of superiority.

When we take the care to unburden our hearts, we are reminded that we struggle too. Not only so, but those that look to us for help realize that they are not alone. They can share their heart openly knowing that we truly understand their plight.

The next time you feel inspired to reach out and help others who are struggling, take a step back. First check your own heart to be sure that you have been open before the Lord and the people that He has placed in your life. Doing so allows these scriptures to be realized in our lives. There is nothing more exciting than when the word of God is made alive through the experience of it!

Lord, give us the courage to open our hearts. Let us be inspired by Your word that instructs us that while we are to help others, that we cannot neglect ourselves in the process. Give us the wisdom to allow others to carry our burdens and in so doing experience the blessing of the laws of grace being fulfilled in our lives.

Remember, O LORD, your great mercy and love, for they are from of old.
Remember not the sins of my youth and my rebellious ways; according to
your love remember me, for you are good, O LORD.
Psalm 25:6-7

I have recently been painfully reminded of some of the sins of my youth. You see, my wife and I were not pure before marriage. Even years later, I am realizing that there are negative consequences in our relationship. Foundations that should have been laid and wrong expectations that should have been worked through during our dating and engagement are still shaky. We still have conflict around these issues. These problems are exacerbated by my own sexual escapades before becoming a Christian. They greatly skewed my perspective on sex and my mind is still in desperate need of renewal.

I came across this scripture passage today and received some of the comfort that my heart needs. God is merciful and loves us. In Christ, God the Father has forgotten the sins of our past. I need to be reminded of this from time-to-time so that I can walk in my new identity in Christ and not in shame from the sins of my youth.

In the video below, Chip Ingram shares three fundamental lies and the contrasting biblical truth about love and sex. He references a study guide which can be found here.

One of the most interesting parts of the video are the interviews at the very beginning. Many (most?) young people today have a very low view of sex. Rather than something sacred, too often these days sex is merely a pleasurable experience. God designed it to be so much more…

Here are the three lies as Chip lists them. It is important to note that these statements are made regarding sex outside of a healthy marriage.

Lie 1: Sex is necessary to keep a growing relationship.
Truth: Once sex enters into a relationship, it almost always disintegrates instead of getting better.

Lie 2: If we really love each other, sex is sanctified.
Truth: Sex is sanctified only inside the union of biblical marriage.

Lie 3: Having sex is a rite of passage.
Truth: With every sexual encounter you diminish the possibility and capacity to experience true intimacy.

I was reading the blog of Edwin Leap, a physician who writes about medicine, family, and culture, and I found an opinion you don’t hear out there very often. It was based on an observation of a medical chart.

I was looking over a  chart not long ago and saw a combination of medicines that caught my eye.  The young woman I was caring for was taking an oral contraceptive and an antidepressant.  Nothing unusual, except that it occurs to me that I frequently see that combination, especially in high-school and college-aged single women.

I am the first to agree that correlation is not causation. However, that is not an excuse to stop the investigation altogether. Maybe one is not causing the other, but if a correlation exists, then let’s start digging into that. Let’s unpack the correlation and try and discover what is causing the depression, and consequently the need for the antidepressants. Edwin goes further and postulates on one such potential cause.

All women are designed to establish relationships and maintain them.  They are also made to incorporate physical intimacy into the appropriate relationships, rather than have it as a stand-alone activity.  So, when young women are expected to engage in sex without the security of a lasting relationship, without the hope of a lasting connection with their partner, they become uncomfortable. It violates their programming.  Deep inside, in the place they allow very few to see, it breaks their hearts.

Broken hearts can cause depressed minds.  And that, I suspect, is one of the major reasons that so many women are taking antidepressants along with their birth control pills.  Here they are, young, thrilled by life, full of passion and anxious to share their minds, their spirits, even their bodies with someone whom they love.  But once they do, that someone decides that it was fun for a while, but that it’s time to move on to the next person.  Of course young women become depressed.  Why shouldn’t they?

If these things are true, and I think they are, then it makes sense to me that the free gift of sexual freedom is depression.

You can read the full article here.

One of my favorite Bible teachers is Chip Ingram. I’ve been listening to him for about a decade now on and off. I follow his blog and came across a post today well worth sharing.

Chip explained that live is all about relationships. I wholeheartedly agree. He recommends asking ourselves these questions to do a check-up of where we stand with the most important relationships in our lives.

The original blog post can be found on Chip’s Blog.

Where do you stand?

Relationship with God

• Am I surrendered? Am I experiencing His presence?
• Am I loving Him more deeply? Am I enjoying Him more fully?
• Are there any barriers? Do I sense His pleasure?
• Am I motivated to meet with Him? Am I practicing His presence throughout the day?

Relationship with Family

• As a husband, am I loving my wife the way Christ loves the Church?
• As a wife, am I respecting my husband in a way that honors and encourages him?
• Are we making time for one another and our family?
• As a dad, am I leading my family spiritually?
• As a mother, am I nurturing and encouraging my children’s relationship with one another?
• As child/student, am I honoring my parents?
• As an adult child, am I honoring my elderly parents?
• Am I communicating with my family regularly? Do I pray for my family members and encourage them?

Relationship with Friends

• As a friend, do I love at all times and am I the kind of person who is born to help another person through adversity? (Proverbs 17:17)
• Am I sharpening and helping my friend’s growth in Christ?
• Am I speaking the truth in love? Am I critical or encouraging?
• Am I taking time out to nurture relationships and dig deep wells of relationships in the midst of busy work and life schedules?
• Am I being honest with what’s really going on inside of me?
• Am I a good roommate? Do I communicate honestly and from the heart on a regular basis with those I call friends?
• Am I looking for what I give in relationships or only what I can get?

Relationship with Myself

• Am I taking time for me?
• Am I stewarding well my physical body?  Am I getting enough sleep, eating the right food, and exercising?
• Am I cultivating the intellectual side of my life?
• Am I living an unhurried life?
• Am I coming to accept God’s unconditional love and understanding of me when I fail?
• Am I learning to set clear boundaries for those people who have unrealistic expectations for my life?
• Have I discovered my primary spiritual gift and know clearly my strengths and weaknesses?