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A great question was posted on the forum at Higher-Calling.com. I felt that it was worth sharing.
“And He said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.’”
2 Cor. 12:9a NKJVHow do I make this exchange? What does it look like in practice? Your input please.
Here was my response:
Great question, Paul. Thanks for asking. I have some thoughts about it. I will be the first to admit that I don’t do this perfectly or even as well as I would like. But here goes…
As with anything, this exchange has to begin with faith. If we don’t trust that this is available to us for some reason, then it will ultimately be ineffective in our lives. We have to allow the words of Jesus to be what they are – transcendent. They transcend our shame, our feelings of inadequacy, our circumstances, our hurts, our flesh, our temptations and everything else that would tempt us to believe that Jesus’ grace is not sufficient for us. The wonderful thing about this verse is that it acknowledges the very things that made up my previous list…our weaknesses.
Another observation is that Jesus said his grace is sufficient, not the law, our discipline or anything other than free, undeserved blessings and favor of God.
The context for this verse is wonderful as well. Paul is pleading for God to take away this “thorn in his side.” There is a lot of speculation as to what the thorn was. We really don’t know and so we can only conclude that what it actually was is not an important detail. What is important is that God reframed the reality of this fleshly haunt of Paul’s into a blessing…something that God allowed to remain in order to keep Paul humble.
Why is this so wonderful? Because Paul’s default response was not condemnation and shame, but humility. He saw his fleshly issues, whatever they were, as a reason to walk in humility before God and probably more importantly before other people. After Paul asked God to remove this issue from him and God did not, Paul took it in stride and accepted it as a blessing. When was the last time we saw suffering as a blessing?
Here is the full passage in The Message. A little context – Paul had just described some amazing revelations of Heaven that God had given to him in the previous verses.
Because of the extravagance of those revelations, and so I wouldn’t get a big head, I was given the gift of a handicap to keep me in constant touch with my limitations. Satan’s angel did his best to get me down; what he in fact did was push me to my knees. No danger then of walking around high and mighty! At first I didn’t think of it as a gift, and begged God to remove it. Three times I did that, and then he told me,
My grace is enough; it’s all you need.
My strength comes into its own in your weakness.Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ’s strength moving in on my weakness. Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size—abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks. I just let Christ take over! And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become.
- 2 Cor. 12:7-10 (The Message)
After being in recovery for a while, you realize that addiction of any sort, porn/sexual addiction included, is an attempt to meet legitimate needs through illegitimate means. The way we define sexual addiction on the Purity Report FAQ further explains this perspective.
With that in mind, I have come to believe that temptation to engage in acting out behavior is like the check engine light on the dashboard of my car. The pull toward pornography is an indicator that I need to check under the hood.
In recovery terms, this is known as identifying your triggers. The acronym HALT is a well-known list of common triggers (Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired). This article further explains HALT.
It is very helpful to identify triggers in two categories: visual/physical or emotional. HALT identifies two physical triggers (hungry or tired) and two emotional triggers (angry or lonely). Seeing a person or picture with certain physical attributes or wearing specific clothing can visually trigger arousal.
Emotional triggers are much more difficult to identify. In part this is because addicts are generally not connected to their emotional selves and therefore have a hard time identifying and expressing their emotions. Shame is probably the most powerful triggering emotion for addicts. Often confused with guilt, which is the negative feeling tied to wrong behavior, shame is a much deeper sense that we are fundamentally worthless and unacceptable. Anything that triggers our shame is sure to kick off a strong pull to act out.
Being aroused by certain physical/visual or even emotional stimulus is not abnormal. However, addicts take it a step further and engage in acting out behavior. Acting out repeatedly over time hard-wires our brains to associate arousal of any sort with our acting out behaviors. All arousal, regardless of the trigger, leads us to the same place.
Coming back to our metaphor, these triggers are glaring check engine lights on the dashboard of our consciousness. They indicate places where we may need to grow, establish accountability, forgive ourselves or others, or simply confess past sins in a safe place. The point is to not let the “service required” indicator go unnoticed.
Take a few minutes to reflect on what is going on under the hood the next time you are triggered to act out. It is an essential element of keeping the engine of our sobriety running smoothly.
While reading the verse of the day as delivered to my Google Reader account, a familiar verse showed up.
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. (1 John 1:9)
This verse is often quoted by folks struggling with sin, as it well should be. If we could not find any forgiveness, then we are in big, big trouble! Those of us who are or have been trapped by an addiction to porn know all-to-well the deep hole we have lived in and how much we need God’s help to climb out of it.
What struck me as I read the verse this time is the latter part, “…and purify us from all unrighteousness.” The focus when this verse is quoted is almost universally about forgiveness. But what about being purified from unrighteousness? Isn’t that what we really want? Forgiveness is an amazing thing, but being cleansed of the unrighteousness that brought about the state from which I need to be forgiven is more amazing still! So with this being one of the more familiar verses thrown around in church circles, why aren’t more people experiencing the purification that it promises?
I have worked in sexual integrity ministry for several years now. In both face-to-face and online venues I have been the recipient of many confessions of giving in to the lust of the flesh.
- “I slipped.”
- “I got online.”
- “I masturbated.”
- “I fill-in-the-blank.”
I’ve given confessions of this sort many times myself. I have usually let them leak out reluctantly from a place of shame. My preference would be to keep it silent, let it slide, sweep it under the rug or at the very least minimize it. And as such, these weak little confessions are what I divulge. This, I believe, is the crux of why the purification promised in this scripture is missing.
It seems to me that if anything meaningful is to happen in response to my confession that the confession itself must be meaningful. The easy way out for some is to be overly explicit in describing how they acted out. While this may sound deep to the listener, it can often be an avenue of exhibitionism. Worse still, it may assuage the conscience of the confessor, but not result in any lasting change either. I can describe the mechanics of porn, actions and behaviors without ever really opening my heart up for inspection. And that is what confession is all about.
A quick word-study of the word “confession”, homologeo in Greek, shows it is defined as, “to say the same thing as another.” None of the tiny utterances mentioned above come close to saying the same thing about sexual sin as God does in his word. Taking this view is painful, and extremely necessary if we are to experience the purification from the unrighteousness that got us in this mess in the first place. It is another case of short-term pain for long-term gain!
There is obviously much more to say on this topic, but I will stop here for now.
Tonight I was reading through chapter seven of “Grace Walk” by Steve McVey. We are going through it in my church small group. While I was reading the chapter, I highlighted a couple of sections that are worth sharing and commenting on.
Christians who are not abiding in Him [Christ] are walking in a state of continuous sin, regardless of their actions.
Christians, myself included, have the tendency to gauge our spiritual success based upon our feelings and outward appearances. If we are not overtly engaging in sinful behavior then we feel good about our spiritual condition, regardless of whether we are trusting and abiding in Christ or not. However, this is short-sighted and does not describe sin as the New Testament characterizes it. The biblical definition of sin extends far beyond behavior and even thought patterns. It very simply is the condition of living with a broken relationship with God.
Jesus assures us in John 15:5 that, “apart from me you can do nothing.” Yet we strive to keep ourselves from sinning day after day, having no real fellowship with Jesus. This is a guaranteed recipe for failure. We have cut ourselves off from the only source of power to do anything as a Christian – Christ Himself. This is a state of sin no matter what we do.
So what does it look like to abide in Christ? Very simply put, it is to live by faith in Christ. Many references in the New Testament affirm that trusting in Jesus is the only way to live a righteous life. This isn’t just trusting Him for salvation in the sweet by and by. Much more, this is trusting Christ for the resources to overcome temptation and experience the abundance that Jesus said he came to deliver (John 10:10). It is maintaining our relationship with him, not merely doing things for him.
Validating McVey’s point in the quote above, Paul taught that “…everything that does not come from faith is sin.” (Rom. 14:23) If we are not approaching life’s decisions and temptations from a place of trust in Christ and our relationship with him, then we are walking in a state of continuous sin, regardless of our behavior.
I have made the additional mistake of viewing the Christian life as a car battery that must continuously be charged to keep my spiritual motor running. This is not to discount the importance of spiritual disciplines. However, as stated previously, if those disciplines are not an overflow or in maintenance of a trusting relationship with Christ, they are of little value.
McVey put it this way…
I’ll never think of getting my spiritual battery charged again. When we abide in Christ, it is like turning a switch into the “on” position and allowing the full power of Jesus Christ to flow through us. When we choose to rest in His life, we experience victory. When we choose not to abide, we flip the switch to the “off” position and we fail.
So what does any of this have to do with sexual purity? Well, I’m glad you asked!
God does not hide his face from us when we have slipped up. Having a few weeks or months of behavioral purity under our belts doesn’t mean that we are any more acceptable to God. We can turn to him at any time because of Jesus. That is what the cross is all about! We don’t do so because of our deep shame, but that is a topic for another post!
The bottom-line is this: if we have a long stretch of sexual purity behind us and yet we are not abiding in Christ, it is only a matter of time before our continuous state of sin (broken fellowship with God) expresses itself in specific sinful behavior. For those like me whose flesh has a bent toward sexual sin, that is the likely candidate.
By contrast, even if we have been recently sexually acting out, we can repent and turn to Christ. We can receive his grace afresh and allow his love that has never changed to begin changing us once more.
I also want to make this last point: I am not talking about losing our salvation. Rather, I am talking about those who have trusted Christ for salvation cutting themselves off from the process of sanctification by breaking fellowship. Fortunately for us, God has promised never to break fellowship with us because of Christ! We can return to him and pick that relationship back up at any time.
Shame is such a deep wound that haunts those of us dealing with sexual sin. So much so that we can stiff-arm God; rejecting his open invitation to enjoy his presence. Our shame shouts in our ears and deafens us to the still, small voice of the Holy Spirit that says, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened…” (Matt. 11:28).
Steve McVey blogged about how salvation itself isn’t about us accepting Jesus as our “Personal Lord and Savior” as touted in so many evangelical circles. But rather, it is a proclamation that because of Jesus Christ God accepts us just the way we are. We only have to put our faith in Christ. This is earth-shattering news to those living in deep shame!
Take a minute to read Steve’s post and maybe leave him an encouraging comment. 
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