temptation

Relativism and Pornography

The World Dictionary defines Relativism as follows:

…any theory holding that truth or moral or aesthetic value, etc, is not universal or absolute but may differ between individuals or cultures.

A phrase used in relativistic thinking is, “There is no absolute truth.” Of course, that very statement violates the philosophical law of non-contradiction, which states that a precept cannot be both true and false at the same time in the same way. Saying, “There is no absolute truth.” is an absolute truth statement, which nullifies itself as self-contradictory.

Regardless of this obvious contradiction, relativistic thinking, particularly with regards to morality, is pervasive in our culture. How many times have you heard, “What’s true for you may not be true for me.” The outworkings of functional relativism, as I’ll call it, ultimately result in humanism. Man is the ultimate arbiter of truth, and since men have differences one to another, so truth claims have no absolute authority over individuals.

Relativism poses significant issues to the Christian worldview. As a Christian, God is the ultimate authority and arbiter of truth. Furthermore, Christian orthodoxy holds that God has revealed his moral law to humanity through the Bible. This is the standard by which Christians are to measure themselves and the world around them. The doctrine of God’s sovereignty, creation, sin, the fall of man, and the atonement through Jesus Christ are central precepts to Christianity.

What is clear is that American Christians, especially with regards to sex, are largely identical to society at large. Divorce rates, pregnancy out of wedlock, consumption of pornography, even abortion, and so forth measure similarly. One way in which Christians in the Bible are specifically exhorted by the Bible to be distinct to those around them is in the area of sex (see 1 Cor. 6:12-20). However, what we actually see is no real difference. This is could be called hypocritical at best.

So what does relativism have to do with the church’s hypocrisy regarding sex?

No firm believer in Christianity and the Bible would adhere to full-on relativism, “There is no absolute truth.” But the seeds of relativistic thinking are present, evidenced by inconsistent profession of belief and actual behavior (again read hypocrisy). Most Christian men, for example, would agree that the use of pornography represents lustful, and therefore sinful behavior. They would not recommend it to others as a beneficial to the spiritual life and relationship with Jesus Christ. Their behavior, on the other hand, reveals they do not apply this same assertion to themselves. Christian men, who would not recommend pornography to others, are frequent consumers of it. This is evidence of an underlying functional relativism as it relates to pornography.

Why is this an important point? Isn’t this just sin requiring repentance? Why all the talk about relativism?

Yes, pornography is sin in the Christian worldview (see Matt. 5:28). Its production and consumption are both sinful according to biblical standards of morality. The issue with simply slapping the label of “sin” on it and moving on is that it short-circuits deep self-reflection on the issue. In our modern vernacular, the term “sin” has such a behavioral emphasis that it is applied only to abstinence from prohibited actions. This detracts from the process of repentance, which is generally defined as a “change of mind.” Changing one’s mind requires thinking about an issue, not merely willing a change of behavior.

Romans 12:2 admonishes us, “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” In order for the mind to be renewed, it must actually be used. If we stop at “sin” as wrong behavior, we discourage the use of our minds to actually think about what is going on, allow the truth of God to penetrate our thinking, and bring about a change of thinking. Asserting you have bought into functional relativism, evidenced by hypocrisy, beckons each of us to take a long, hard look at ourselves. This engages the mind, brings light to our thinking, and results in changes in thought and hence behavior.

When was the last time  you heard someone teach that we should repent of the sin of functional relativism, evidenced by immorality? There’s something that makes me think!

There is obviously much more to say about this topic, but I will stop here to keep it brief. What do you think? How has functional relativism kept us from arriving at the place where porn is not an option?

7 Surprising (and Negative) Effects of Porn

ChurchLeaders.com recently posted a brief, yet eye-opening article about some of the negative effects of pornography. Here is a synopsis.

1. Porn Contributes to Social and Psychological Problems Within Men
2. Porn Rewires the Male Brain
3. Porn Turns Sex into Masturbation
4. Porn Demeans and Objectifies Women
5. Porn Squashes the Beauty of a Real Naked Woman
6. Porn Has a Numbing Effect Upon Reality
7. Porn Lies About What it Means to Be Male and Female

I encourage you to check out the article in its entirety to read the descriptions given for each of these negative effects. Thank you, ChurchLeaders.com, for adding a much-needed voice to the awareness of this issue!

Porn Is Not An Option

I have been impressed with a thought recently…

Porn Is Not An Option

This thought has been coming back to me again and again. I shared it with a struggling friend who asked if I meant restricting access to porn through filters and so forth. While that certainly fits with this phrase, it falls short of the meaning in my heart.

A marriage ministry in my area is well-known for saying “divorce is not an option.” They recommend couples take divorce off of the table. Whatever issues they are facing, whatever conflict they are going through, divorce should be completely and mutually taken off the table as a viable option. This frees them to focus on the issues at hand, rather than ultimatums regarding the marriage itself. They go on to say that as long as divorce is on the table, every other issue on the table is shrouded in its shadow. Taking divorce off of the table allows all of the other issues to be worked on without the fear of the D word – the ultimate escape hatch.

The P word has been an escape hatch for me – a parachute of sorts. When I feel like the bottom has dropped out of my life, I can just pull the chute and up pops my savior, lowering me gently to the ground. The problem is the parachute falls down around me and offers no support once I am back on earth – where my real problems live! It was a great ride, but leaves me with nothing more than a temporary rush. It is the ultimate non-solution.

“Porn is not an option” means that for me, as a follower of Jesus Christ, pornography is simply not an option for me. I have taken it off the table as a viable alternative. As long as porn is an option for me, evidenced by the fact that I would use it frequently or infrequently, all of the other issues are shrouded by it. It colors everything – my perspective on God, his goodness, the care of others and the important issues in my life.

What does it take to come to the place where porn is not an option?

Is rape an option? Is robbing banks an option? What about murder? Am I suggesting that porn is on par with these? No. But, I am suggesting that until we categorize pornography as a personal, moral issue against which we have taken a firm stance, we probably will continue using it. It is still an option. Regardless of the consequences, the temporary lift it may bring is worth it. There are plenty of things in our lives that we have decided are not options for us. Pornography has to join the ranks of those things against which we have taken a personal stand.

Will you join me? Will you take a stand that whatever it takes, I will get to the place where porn is not an option? When the temptation hits and access is available, I have to choose something else – something greater than porn. I choose differently because porn is not an option!

Escaping the Porn Trap

In this screen-cast, we answer the questions:

  • How big is the porn problem?
  • What is porn addiction?
  • What is the cycle of addiction?
  • What is the way out?

We hope it will be helpful to you in your journey to walk in purity.

ANTHEM by John Piper

Strategies for Fighting Lust
by John Piper

I have in mind men and women. For men it’s obvious. The need for warfare against the bombardment of visual temptation to fixate on sexual images is urgent. For women it is less obvious, but just as great if we broaden the scope of temptation to food or figure or relational fantasies. When I say “lust” I mean the realm of thought, imagination, and desire that leads to sexual misconduct. So here is one set of strategies in the war against wrong desires. I put it in the form of an acronym, A N T H E M.

A – AVOID as much as is possible and reasonable the sights and situations that arouse unfitting desire. I say “possible and reasonable” because some exposure to temptation is inevitable. And I say “unfitting desire” because not all desires for sex, food, and family are bad. We know when they are unfitting and unhelpful and on their way to becoming enslaving. We know our weaknesses and what triggers them. “Avoiding” is a Biblical strategy. “Flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness” (2 Timothy 2:22). “Make no provision for the flesh, to gratify its desires” (Romans 13:14).

N – Say NO to every lustful thought within five seconds. And say it with the authority of Jesus Christ. “In the name of Jesus, NO!” You don’t have much more than five seconds. Give it more unopposed time than that, and it will lodge itself with such force as to be almost immovable. Say it out loud if you dare. Be tough and warlike. As John Owen said, “Be killing sin or it will be killing you.” Strike fast and strike hard. “Resist the devil, and he will flee from you” ( James 4:7).

T – TURN the mind forcefully toward Christ as a superior satisfaction. Saying “no” will not suffice. You must move from defense to offense. Fight fire with fire. Attack the promises of sin with the promises of Christ. The Bible calls lusts “deceitful desires” (Ephesians 4:22). They lie. They promise more than they can deliver. The Bible calls them “passions of your former ignorance” (1 Peter 1:14). Only fools yield. “All at once he follows her, as an ox goes to the slaughter” (Proverbs 7:22). Deceit is defeated by truth. Ignorance is defeated by knowledge. It must be glorious truth and beautiful knowledge. This is why I wrote Seeing and Savoring Jesus Christ. We must stock our minds with the superior promises and pleasures of Jesus. Then we must turn to them immediately after saying, “NO!”

H – HOLD the promise and the pleasure of Christ firmly in your mind until it pushes the other images out. “Fix your eyes on Jesus” (Hebrews 3:1). Here is where many fail. They give in too soon. They say, “I tried to push it out, and it didn’t work.” I ask, “How long did you try?” How hard did you exert your mind? The mind is a muscle. You can flex it with vehemence. Take the kingdom violently (Matthew 11:12). Be brutal. Hold the promise of Christ before your eyes. Hold it. Hold it! Don’t let it go! Keep holding it! How long? As long as it takes. Fight! For Christ’s sake, fight till you win! If an electric garage door were about to crush your child you would hold it up with all our might and holler for help, and hold it and hold it and hold it and hold it.

E – ENJOY a superior satisfaction. Cultivate the capacities for pleasure in Christ. One reason lust reigns in so many is that Christ has so little appeal. We default to deceit because we have little delight in Christ. Don’t say, “That’s just not me.” What steps have you taken to waken affection for Jesus? Have you fought for joy? Don’t be fatalistic. You were created to treasure Christ with all your heart – more than you treasure sex or sugar. If you have little taste for Jesus, competing pleasures will triumph. Plead with God for the satisfaction you don’t have: “Satisfy us in the morning with your steadfast love, that we may rejoice and be glad all our days” (Psalm 90:14). Then look, look, look at the most magnificent Person in the universe until you see him the way he is.

M – MOVE into a useful activity away from idleness and other vulnerable behaviors. Lust grows fast in the garden of leisure. Find a good work to do, and do it with all your might. “Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord” (Romans 12:11). “Be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord” (1 Corinthians 15:58). Abound in work. Get up and do something. Sweep a room. Hammer a nail. Write a letter. Fix a faucet. And do it for Jesus’ sake. You were made to manage and create. Christ died to make you “zealous for good deeds” (Titus 2:14). Displace deceitful lusts with a passion for good deeds.

Fighting at your side,

Pastor John

Reproduced with the permission of Desiring God Ministries

Feeding our Appetites

One thing that I have heard before that wasn’t encouraging to me at the time, but looking back I understand…

Once we act out, we find it easy to redouble our efforts. Like any appetite, once we feed it, it is quelled for a time. This is true of our sexual appetite. When we indulge ourselves, the sexual hunger is satiated and doesn’t bother us for a time. It could be a few days or even a few weeks or months. Our efforts to avoid temptations and maybe avert our attention from objects of temptation come easy for a time after acting out.

It isn’t easy when the siren’s call to dash ourselves on the rocks grows from a whisper to a shout. The hardest part of recovery is growing to the point where we are able to withstand temptation when the hunger hasn’t been fulfilled.

We have to remember that the thing we actually hunger isn’t sex, but intimacy, connection and pleasure. The false intimacy and connection of pornography, and the fleeting pleasure of masturbation always leave us flat. And like any appetite, it only grows as we indulge it.

Like I said, that is tough and may not sound encouraging right now, but I felt that it would be helpful to you in the long run. Stay strong and use the time when the temptation is low to build real intimacy, connection and healthy sources of pleasure into your life. That is the best way to combat the temptation to come.

If you don’t have face-to-face friendships with others who can encourage you, start out by joining our forums for strugglers at The Purity Report. It is a safe environment to begin talking about your temptations in a structured way and receive prayer and encouragement.

How Can You Hate What You Love?

This video clip is from a friend of mine, Aaron Dailey. He was actually my RA in Bible school, so it is cool and funny at the same time to see  him in ministry. It is even more ironic that we are in a similar vein of ministry.

In the clip. Aaron talks about the silliness of dating relationships sometimes, the bad advice we get, and how we give the same advice to each other as Christians regarding sin rather than preaching the Gospel – loving Jesus. The bottom line is we love sin. Telling each other to hate something we love is ridiculous. Rather, we need to fall in love with Jesus and let him do the work of changing our heart toward sin.

Take a look…

Purity Bytes – Episode 7 – Overcoming Temptation

The Purity Report

The Purity Bytes Podcast (on iTunes)

Byte-sized chunks of wisdom about sexual purity…

Episode 7: Overcoming Temptation
So what do we do about temptation?

In this episode, we talk about temptation – where it really comes from and how to overcome it.

Here are the notes for this episode.

The Devil or the Flesh?

“The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.”

- John 10:10 NKJV

Have you ever felt like lust has stolen from you; your peace, your rest, your dignity? Have you felt dead inside because no matter how hard you tried you could not stop doing the things you do not want to do? Have relationships been damaged or completely destroyed by the effects of your secret sin? If these short questions ring true with you, there is a thief in your midst. But, who is this thief? Is it the devil or is it the deceitfulness of the flesh?

So often, we hear of how the devil tempts us to sin and indeed he does. However, we also know that temptation comes from the flesh; the depraved mind which continually tries to get its needs met apart from God (see James 1). It is common to see those struggling with habitual sin approach their plight wholly from one of these views. Either the devil or one of his minions has taken a keen interest in them for some reason or they are convinced that they are loathsome creatures who are completely disqualified from experiencing the abundant life that Jesus speaks about in the verse above.

Neither of these one-sided views are helpful in the long run because because neither perspective has a proper focus. While it is understandable that someone would see things this way, they are either focusing on themselves or on the enemy. It is tempting to think that what we need is balance – a view that keeps both of these things in perspective. This too is flawed. We are clearly instructed in scripture that our focus should be singular – Jesus Christ, the Author and Finisher of our faith.

Giving too much of our attention to ourselves or the devil are deceptive distractions from the One who has the power and deep desire to set us free. We are instructed to be transformed by the renewing of our minds. Living in shame or casting blame on the devil does nothing in this transformation process. Jesus wanted so badly to set us free from the shackles of sin that He laid down his life. He endured the cross because of the joy that was set before Him (Heb. 12:2). And what was this joy? A relationship with you!

We are imperfect, fallen creatures who are in need of sanctification. There also is an unholy enemy who should not be disregarded. But to the extent that these things distract us from Jesus Christ and a growing relationship with Him, they have become unhealthy. It is by grace that we are accepted into the beloved and by grace that we stand in the face of our enemy.

“…humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time, casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you. Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour. Resist him, steadfast in the faith, knowing that the same sufferings are experienced by your brotherhood in the world. But may the God of all grace, who called us to His eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered a while, perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle you. To Him be the glory and the dominion forever and ever. Amen.”

- 1 Pet. 5:6-11

Remember that the Christian life begins in Christ, continues in Christ, and will end in Christ. Our fallen state and our fight against the evil one must be kept in this perspective. Jesus is our very life!

Overcoming Temptation

When tempted, no one should say, “God is tempting me.” For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; but each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.

James 1:13-15

Let’s cut to the chase.

We all sin. We all fall short of God’s high standard of living. We have all lied, stolen, coveted, lusted (which is adultery according to Jesus), dishonored our parents, placed other things before God, and the list goes on. This is the reason that we need Jesus Christ in our lives. We simply cannot fulfill the laws that God laid out in the ten commandments.

But this study is not about sin or the law. This study is about temptation and how we can overcome it.

Let me level the playing field by pointing out “each one is tempted.” The King James Version reads “every man is tempted.” No man, woman or child alive is free from temptation. Mother Theresa was tempted to sin in the same way that you and I are. Even Jesus Christ Himself had to endure the draw of temptation to sin (see Hebrews 4:15).

So, where does temptation come from?

James immediately dispels any notion that God tempts us to sin. According to James 1:14 we are all tempted by the enticement of our own evil desires. Temptation does not come from without but from within. The lure of pornography or illicit sex does not come from pictures, pixels or prostitutes. The issue is the fallen flesh in which we live.

There is no question that Satan also tempts us. He is called “the tempter” and indeed tempted Christ. For the purpose of this study, I am focusing on the temptation that comes from within our flesh. But for the record, when Satan tempts us, he uses the evil desires that are in our flesh as a vehicle. He merely dangles the bait.

Speaking of bait! The Greek words used to describe being “dragged away and enticed” by our lusts are also used to describe a fisherman reeling in a fish hooked onto his line. This is a very appropriate picture. Imagine if you will a fish swimming in a lake. He comes across a tasty looking morsel floating by. But, he cannot see well enough to notice the hook embedded in the worm or the line leading to his ultimate demise. The fish is hungry and bites into the bait. The hook is set and the fish is hopelessly ensnared.

Now, the issue with this poor fish is not the bait that was waiting for him to come along. Many have said, “If we could ban all pornography and if women would dress appropriately then I wouldn’t be so tempted!” The fallacy of this kind of thinking cannot be overstated. The problem this fish had was that he was hungry! Because the fish was hungry the bait was completely irresistible. It was only a matter of time before this creature was hooked and dragged away. Of course, our temptation is not to eat a worm on a hook. Ours is much more subtle and deceptive. But, the problem we have is the same as that fish. Our flesh is hungry for sin. Our flesh knows nothing but sin and desires nothing but sin. Paul put it this way, “…nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature [flesh]. (Rom.7:18)”

Are you beginning to realize that the main issue with our temptation is our desire for sin? Thanks to the sacrifice of Jesus Christ, sin has been taken care of. When we accept Jesus Christ into our lives and surrender to Him, the problem is no longer sin itself. The problem with temptation is our evil desires.

So what do we do about temptation? We cut to the root which are our evil desires! “First clean the inside of the cup and dish, and then the outside also will be clean.” (Matt. 23:26)

No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.

1 Corinthians 10:13

God makes a very strong and comforting promise to use in the preceding verse. The temptation we endure is not unique to us. Others have experienced the same and have overcome them successfully. Furthermore, God in His faithfulness will only allow temptation to come upon us that we are able to conquer through Him. This means one of two things (or both):

1. God will now allow temptation greater than we can bear to come upon us.

2. God will strengthen us so that the temptation we are experiencing will not overtake us.

The most meaningful part of this verse for me is the last part: “…He will also provide a way out…”

Many times in the past I have tried different techniques to overcome temptation, and in particular sexual temptation. I have tried to pray more, read more scripture, be more accountable to other Christians, focus on Christian service, and the list goes on. I succeeded only in frustrating myself, burning myself out and becoming embittered toward the Christian life. I seemingly had no more power over my impulses after all of that activity than when I had begun. Worse, my anger and frustration was contributing to my addiction even more.

I have since come to discovery that the “way out” is not an activity, discipline or technique. He is a person!

“I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.”

John 14:6

Jesus Christ Himself is the way out of temptation. I will explain a few concepts first and then delve into practical application.

Paul wrote that God would “provide a way out” and Jesus declared that “I am the way.” Putting these verses together gave me the answer that I was looking for! But, there was one issue that I had to clear up first – acceptance.

Because of the nature of my sin (sexual addiction) I felt very ashamed and unacceptable to myself and to God. I felt unworthy of His help and His mercy. I knew that I had been forgiven because of Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross, but I could not approach Him with any confidence because of my shame. Through learning about the grace of God as explained by Steve McVey in his book “Grace Walk” I came to realize that not only does Jesus’ sacrifice offer me forgiveness of my sin, but UNCONDITIONAL ACCEPTANCE INTO HIS PRESENCE! You will find that acceptance is a continual theme in my writing because it is foundational to everything I have experienced on the road to recovery.

McVey uses a simple question to help us come to grips with our acceptability with God. On a scale of one to ten, ten being the highest, how acceptable to you feel to God right now? I have asked this question to dozens of people since first reading the book and I have very rarely heard anyone reply that they felt like they were a 10. Many of these people I respect deeply and would regard as very strong Christians. Yet the pattern remained that they did not feel 100% acceptable to the Father.

What this boils down to is that we do not feel like “10′s” because we are relying on some measure of self-effort to make ourselves “acceptable” to God. Only if we prayed more, read more scripture, gave more, served more, were not angry, were sexually pure, etc. This mindset has kept us from experiencing the love of God through Jesus Christ long enough! It is time to stop…right now!

YOU ARE A 10!

Now, you might be thinking, “Is he saying that I shouldn’t read more scripture, give, serve, pray or stay sexually pure?” No, that is not what I am saying. I am saying that if we engage in those activities to somehow feel more acceptable to the Lord then we have already missed the point.

There is nothing that we can do to make ourselves more acceptable to the Lord. Nor is there anything that we can do that would make us less acceptable to Him! Jesus Christ paid the full penalty for our sin and we died with Him at the cross. We are new creations that are perfect in His sight. When a believer gives into temptation and sits in front of a computer using pornography it certainly hurts the heart of God. But, He looks down upon us and accepts us unconditionally, even in the midst of our darkest moments!

If you struggle with this concept, I highly recommend getting a copy of “Grace Walk” and reading it thoroughly. A link is available under the Resources section of the website. But, I must move on to the purpose of this study which is temptation!

Now that we have established that Jesus accepts us (we are 10′s) even in our darkest moments, we can turn to Him in those moments and fellowship with Him.

Because he himself suffered when he was tempted, he is able to help those who are being tempted.

Hebrews 2:18

Jesus Christ knows that we are tempted and He wants to help us through it. He understands because, as we discovered previously, He has also endured temptation. The way out of temptation is not to focus on anything else but Him. When we learn to fellowship with Jesus Christ in the midst of our temptation He strengthens us and turns our desires away from the object of our lust. The more we learn to turn to Him for help in the middle of temptation the more we become surrendered to His work within us. We are able to hear His voice in the midst of what formerly was a source of shame and despair.

I have found that my evil desires and temptation that comes through them no longer drag me away from the Lord. Now temptation actually drives me to Him! I am tempted dozens of times a day to do all sorts of unseemly things. I have found through this principle that I am in fellowship with Jesus much more often and have experience the peace that comes through resting in Him and allowing Him to handle the temptation for me. When I realize that a woman is in my presence that my eyes are drawn to, I begin to talk to Christ in my mind (and sometimes aloud). His peace and strength begin to flow through my thoughts and I feel His love and acceptance in that moment. Then my desires to look at that women are strongly overridden by the love and acceptance that Jesus offers to me. Jesus is doing His amazing work of changing my desires. I have seen my sinful desires, and in particular pornography, masturbation and objectifying women, wane significantly since I let Christ into my temptation.

Below is a summary of this study:

  • Every human being endures temptation (James 1:13)
  • We are tempted because of the evil desires in our flesh (James 1:14)
  • Jesus accepts us unconditionally, even in the midst of our temptation (You are a 10!)
  • God has promised us a way out of our temptation (1 Cor. 10:13)
  • The way out of temptation is not a technique, but a Person – Jesus Christ (John 14:6)
  • By turning to Jesus Christ in the moments when we are tempted, our temptations no longer drag us away from Christ but drive us to Him. (Heb. 2:18)
  • As we let Jesus into our temptations He changes our desires from the inside.

(originally posted on higher-calling.com)